Taylor Swift sells out Xcel

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Photo by Steve Cohen

SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT.

I'm worried for li'l Taylor Swift. Her last American tour sold out all across the board. In fact, she sold out Staples Center and Madison Square Garden in less than two minutes. This tour? Also sold out sold out sold out. Appears the next show with any tickets available is in Baton Rouge on May 29, and then Washington, DC for June 1, but then only because tickets are not yet on sale, the venue evidently confident that li'l baby'll sell out in only three weeks.

Why am I worried about this MTV sweetheart? This gal adored by masses of young American girls -- and likely more than a few creepy old American men? This little thing who, at a decade my junior, is already a multi-millionaire?

Remember Tiffany? Remember Debbie Gibson? Remember, even, Whitney Houston? Oh, I do. When I was six years old, I loaded up my Tiffany, Debbie and Whitney tapes in my pink "ghetto blaster" - yes, in small-town South Dakota I called my pink boom box a "ghetto blaster" - and practiced fantastic dance routines with my friends in the back yard. I worry that li'l Taylor is destined for one of the roads Tiffany, Debbie, or Whitney have taken. Or, for children of the late 90s, the roads traveled by Britney and Cristina.

When you're on top, as Taylor is, there's nowhere to go but down. As her hits have oversaturated country airwaves and I hear them played less and less, I wonder which path she'll take next.

Well there's Tiffany.

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Porn.

Debbie.

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Broadway.

Whitney.

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Crack.

And then there's Britney and Cristina, the good, bad and ugly of motherhood. I had hoped for this path above the others, but imagined li'l Taylor would have to have her li'l belly shot up with all sorts of hormones and psycho-embryos for this to truly be newsworthy. Taylor Swift, pregnant? Eh. Taylor Swift, octucountrygal? I like it!

Now, the least likely scenario involves Taylor evolving musically in a way that is credible, mature and interesting but also still palatable to the Walmart-shopping masses. What would this involve? A soft, sincere, old-country album produced by the likes of Emmylou Harris? Something incorporating the rock sensibilities of Rick Rubin? Maybe with a stark, black and white cover proclaiming simply SWIFT.

My money's on Broadway. And when that fails, crack. Porn.

Sorry, Taylor.

See for yourself whether she's continuing to evolve as an artist or if she's fallen flat, destined to become a Playboy centerfold, at her Xcel show this Friday, 5/7 7:00, with Kellie Pickler and Gloriana opening. The show is sold out, so if you can't manage to buy a ticket off someone else, cross your fingers for rush tickets to her 2020 Big Broadway Comeback.



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