Elvis's former physician says constipation claimed the King

Categories: Holy Shit!
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Presley and Nichopolous, back in the day
George Nichopolous was Elvis's (and Jerry Lee Lewis's) personal doctor, a man who went through a worldwide shitstorm blitz following Presley's death, standing accused of prescribing him a ballet of uppers, downers, equalizers and tranquilizers, sending the King into an early, plus-sized casket. Nichopolous was ultimately disbarred in 1995, despite being exonerated by the Tennessee courts and Medical Board fifteen years earlier. After losing his license he tried to run a tour of Elvis memorabilia...it was canceled after two shows, and it featured his old black medical bag, complete with an empty vial for pills.

They said Elvis's every swollen organ was well on its way to catastrophic failure, that his death was imminently inevitable. From the Guardian:

'There is nothing,' said coroner Dr Joseph Davis, 'in any of the data that supports a death from drugs. In fact, everything points to a sudden, violent heart attack.'

But now Nichopolous is back like Batman, claiming he knows the real reason Elvis died: poop. Poop up to his eyes! Coming out his ears! Miles of rotting shit! Out of nowhere George Nichopolous gave Fox News a completely ridiculous interview, almost wholly unbelievable, and sadly smacking of desperation, where he says he's finally determined the cause of Elvis Presley's death. Here are the juciest bits:

"We knew it was bad because it was hard for us to treat, but we didn't realize what it had done," the doctor explains of Elvis' condition.

"The constipation upset him quite a bit because Elvis thought that he could handle almost anything, he thought he was really a man's man and he wasn't going to let something like this ... he thought that this was a sign of weakness and he wasn't going to be weak,"

"He would get embarrassed, he'd have accidents onstage. He'd have to change clothes and come back because of the way we were trying to treat his constipation. So if they had done the colostomy then, he'd probably still be here. But it wasn't acceptable treatment at that time. Now the treatment is short."

"It was really a physiological problem. During the last few years we were going back and comparing pictures, some of them were taken just two weeks a part but he looked like he'd gained 20 pounds when the only difference was that he had a good healthy bowel movement and then lost a lot of weight from that," Dr. Nick explained. "Usually you pass it all in two or three days, but at the autopsy we found stool in his colon which had been there for four or five months because of the poor motility of the bowel."

"I still think it'd be embarrassing for him, but that may be because we couldn't explain it at that time the way we can now. But bowel paralysis is hereditary and you can in fact pass it down to your children"

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