50 Cent in Keenan Cahill's closet: C.S. Lewis by way of NYC

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If you're someone with a life - and by that, Gimme Noise means a person who leaves the house on a regular basis, changes clothes at least 4-5 times per week, meets up with other people for drinks or karaoke or fondue, doesn't waste tons of time surfing the Internet - you've probably never heard of Keenan Cahill. Cahill is a teen YouTube sensation whose schtick involves lipsyncing to pop songs like Michael Jackson's "Thriller," Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", and Justin Bieber's "Baby" while engaging in scare-quoted over-emoting.

The joke isn't his inherent dweebiness or his acne or the stockbroker eyeglass frames; it's that he really gets into these vapid expressions of musical artistry, really inhabiting them as though his own consciousness or self were momentarily supplanted by the spirit of the star whose work he's celebrating. Also, given that Cahill is older than he looks by a few degrees of magnitude, watching his clips evokes - somewhat - E-Trade's ludicrous series of baby-as-astute-online-investor commercials.

One of Cahill's lip-syncs popped up on a recent episode of Chelsea Lately, with the unassumingly nebbish, jefro'd Cahill mugging, swaying, and shoulder-popping his way through Jeremih's "Down On Me," featuring 50 Cent.

(Still got your 3-D specs left over from Avatar? Then click here to witness the future of over-budgeted music videos MTV can't be arsed to bother with.)

The sheer, wanton unwholesomeness of this strip-club anthem, the fact that Cahill looks like he's pushing nine, the quotidian adolescent dreck, and the threadbare bedroom in the background - the quotdian make the clip a comedy jewel.

And that's even before 50 Cent emerges from a closet to help Cahill finish the song and give him his blinged-out chain.

Cahill - whose closet clearly isn't an anxiety closet - is apparently incapable of being star-struck, because when 50 Cent comes out of a closet and starts pretending to rap alongside him as if Cahill were Jeremih, Cahill just rolls with it as if he was performing with Uncle Ned and not a dude who used to be a ginormous rap icon.

Supposedly, Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent are dating; if this is true, let's hope that Handler can help 50 up his comedy game. Because 50 totally phoned this bit in.

Yeah, I know, it's hard to be in the moment when the moment involves pretending to rap in and rep for a parodic YouTube video of a song you performed for in some kid's bedroom for a late-night TV show nobody watches at a time when 50 doesn't have a solo album or movie or video game to rep, but would it have killed him to pretend to care, to enjoy himself at least a little?



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