"Cooler Than Me"? Yeah, no shit Posner

Categories: Aw Naw Hell Naw
Guest Post by: Royal Riley

Hey fuckers! Royal here. It's Friday, it's cold as a witches tit out, and I'm BUGGING OUT that this song "Cooler Than Me" was named a best single by iTunes! Don't misinterstandivize me, the beat on this shit is pretty tight - I mean I'd probably bump it at a pregamer or whatever. But what is this Posner dude playing at? Why's this jabroni hating on designer shades?

Know what's cooler than Mike Posner? This list of awesome shit I just came up with.

First, if you're all "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RILEY" here's the shit I'm talking about:

Anyways, here we go doggers...

DJ Pauly D

Look at this dude! Not only is he cut for days (he's def using some kind of hybrid mass loader/veg protein, I GOTTA try that shit!), but he's a fucking SICK DJ. I got some decks a few years ago, so watch out Pauly! Just playing.

Tron Sunglasses

Limited Edition Tron PIT BOSS.jpeg

I know, I know. You're thinking "ROYAL! WHAT THE FUCK! Tron's for nerds and their virgin girlfriends!" Not true though. Jeff Bridges is and always will be The Dude, and that dude is awesome, and he's in Tron, and these glasses are the shit. End of story. Next.

Cabo Wabo


Not all tequilas are made to be the alike, and if there's one dude I trust to get me shitfaced in the tastiest possible way, it's Sammy Hagar. Dude is the KING.

The Bronx Ghostrider Bomber


I usually don't sport Ed Hardy, shit's waaaay loud for my taste. Give me a pair of Gap chinos and one of my Deftones t-shirts any day. But this thing is super understated, with just the back patch and the skulls on each of the sleeves. It's like "hey yeah I'm down, you know it, but I don't need to shout it from the bed of my extended cab." Mike Posner wouldn't even know which way is up if he saw this!!!

Chicks With a Shitload of Makeup On


Okay POSNER, I'm POSNERTIVE you have no fucking clue what you're talking about. Have you ever seen a girl you're digging without makeup on? YIKES. Get her some MAC or whatever (they have a pretty wide range of skin tones, so it's always really easy to find one that suits you) and LAY IT ON. If you apply correctly all her unevenness will be barely noticeable, especially after a couple Slippery Nips. You're clubbing!



Hey Posner! Instead of ripping on people for trying to dress good, maybe you should get yourself ripped? I use one of these four times a day, and trust me - the beach has never been the same.

Big Money Rustlas

These dudes are hilaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrious! They go to the wild west and just FUCK SHIT UP. It's insane. Too cool for you Posner? Pffft.

Alright y'all, that's all for me from now. See you ladies this weekend ;)

Sponsor Content

Minnesota Concert Tickets

From the Vault