Britney Spears' life in Neil Hamburger's sad crosshairs

spears-hamburger-troll.jpg
image by Matt Visionquest
​Neil Hamburger, sad sack extraordinaire, has in recent weeks launched a campaign of zingers against America's beloved treasure, Ms. Britney Spears. We thought you should see them. They're um, pretty terrible...

Terrible funny! Heh.

For those not familiar, Neil Hamburger is a sad piece of shit who takes out his disdain and frustrations with scorched one-liners and right-angle observations on comedy and musical audiences around the world. He's the greatest or the worst, depending on how adept you are at letting them wash over you like cold coffee. Sort of like "seeing" magic-eye posters.

Another short intro: Britney Spears is a 29-year-old pop singer. She has had a tumultuous run through the cogs of cultural industry, and after 12 years is looking a bit glassy in the eye, a little loose in the skull and a bit worse for the wear.

It started off innocently enough, two weeks ago, with this tweet:

Only if you're recording audio suicide notes. @BritneySpears: In the studio with @iamwill...you guys are gonna love this one. - Britneyless than a minute ago via web



Quickly followed by:

It will be a fresh pile of steaming shit, from two grotesque, overpaid pigs. @iamwill: The song I did with britney is ganna be crazy fresh.less than a minute ago via web



From there Mr. Hamburger hit his stride in delicately critiquing Spears' parenting ability, prescription drug abuse, cultural cachet, and generally antagonizing her supportive fans. It's really a shame that people can be so cruel. What follows are our favorites. And if these aren't enough, you can follow the fun at Neil Hamburger's Twitter account.

.@BritneySpears: Any chance of a collaboration with Madonna, perhaps on a line of designer anti-depressants in penis-shaped crystal bottles?less than a minute ago via web



Thanking you in advance, @BritneySpears, for answering my question: Which weighs more, your daily intake of drugs, or your brain?less than a minute ago via web



At last, @BritneySpears is taking questions! Britney, what are you more thankful for: prescription drugs, or pitch correction technology?less than a minute ago via web



This: http://bit.ly/42sz1b @S_Bimm: What is @britneyspears most valued possession?less than a minute ago via web



Yes, with split pea soup. No, with low-level MTV semen or Hawaiian Punch. @S_Bimm: Neil_Hamburger do you think you could out-drink Britney?less than a minute ago via web



It's "ado," you repulsive tumor. #EffectsOfMcDonaldsFood @BritneySpears: Without further adieu, I present my video for Hold It Against Me.less than a minute ago via web



Charity auction of special Hamburger items, to raise money so kids can learn to make better music than @BritneySpears. http://bit.ly/dEanYXless than a minute ago via web



@badmediakarma When her fans stop applauding her agents parading around a mentally ill woman in cheap underwear, I'll stop joking about it.less than a minute ago via web



Remember when Fred "Shit" Durst was banging Britney "Drooling" Spears? http://bit.ly/bFHgza #memories #thepast #2003 #pigs #garbage #diseaseless than a minute ago via web



Hey @BritneyAddicts, is your name a reference to Britney's addiction to Xanax, cocaine, sperm, auto-tuning, lipsynching, or @CarlsJr?less than a minute ago via web



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3 comments
Jeff
Jeff

Neil Hamburger is Kirk The Conservative Jerk

Afteralljess
Afteralljess

I much prefer his reading his tweets regarding his disdain for Axe Bodyspray and unique usage of Hellman's Mayonnaise.

jake
jake

i don't know. i really love the britney spears campaign, particularly because he's constantly retweeting the terribly spelled rebuttals from her fans. still, i'll read anything he tweets. i think he finally found his medium.

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