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SkyNet has become self-aware, welcome our new robotic overlords

23c88__skynet.jpg
To be sure, things seem pretty normal right now, don't they? The office-ice machine isn't holding you and your co-workers hostage; satellites, tanks, and Humvees aren't rolling around on their own; giant veloceraptor-like machines aren't strafing large urban centers with nuclear warheads. But all of that stuff and worse will probably start happening in the next couple weeks, because in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles mythology, Tuesday was the day that SkyNet became self-aware and everything began to go to hell.

Here at Gimme Noise, we prefer to take the positive view of potentially cataclysmic situations; we also remember, with great fondness, Issac Asimov's nourishing, heart-warming Multivac stories.

So with that in mind, we'd like to welcome our new robotic overlords with a themed mixtape.

Kraftwerk, "We Are The Robots"
Playboy Tre feat. BoB, "We Are The Robots"




Two identically-titled songs with two totally different messages: in its cold, metallic way, Kraftwerk revels in the cold, metallic nature of its collective persona, wherein its members move with stiff, armature-like jerks and appear to reflect light, while Playboy Tre and BoB offer a meditation on how they fuck us up, our social institutions, molding us into droid-like foot soldiers.


Machines of Loving Grace, "Perfect Tan"



Do you think that sales of personal computers and electronic sex toys would drop in a reality where SkyNet actually emerged as a threat to safety and liberty? I mean, obvious, in the long run no-one would care about those things while trying to survive in a lawless, dangerous world, but I mean those first couple weeks when The Fear begins to spread and no-one's entirely sure what's up, when the Internet's still accessible and the SkyNet crisis maybe hasn't permeated the consciousness entirely yet. What do you think?


Styx, "Mr. Roboto"

Okay, so I'm picturing a bunch of hipsters and street kids wasted on airplane glue laughing in the shadow of gigantic, hulking SkyNet robots. The robots have just spent some time smashing up city avenues and dismantling buildings, and they've paused because these stupid kids are high and breakdancing and singing "Mr. Roboto" to these robot monsters as if they were involved in some civics class bullshit, some cross-cultural bridge-building exercise that will save humanity from certain destruction, and the robots watch this spectacle indifferently for a few minutes until they can no longer justify continuing to watch and just vaporize the kids into heaping piles of ash and return to the business of brutal, Michael Bay-esque demolition.


"The Transformers Theme Song"



Let's be real, shall we? SkyNet isn't likely to produce anything as heroically noble as Optimus Prime or as naive and boyish as Bumblebee or even as unabashedly evil as Megatron. Haven't you seen these movies? SkyNet mostly just wants to destroy and enslave humanity; it doesn't want to crack wise and waste time with inner-tribal Autobots v Decepticons in-fighting. But there's something to be said, an argument to be made, for slaughter and slavery, as long as it's done humanely.

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2 comments
Dean
Dean

Actually, not to sound like a dweeb, but according to T2, Skynet became self aware on August 29, 1997. Only in the TV show Sarah Conner Chronicles did they switch the date to Apri1, 19, 2011.

vitajex
vitajex

The holy robot trinity:

Neil Young: Sample and HoldFlaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1Flight of the Conchords: Robots

"The humans are dead.The humans are dead.We used poisonous gasesand we poisoned their asses..."

EDIT: I forgot this one-Cut Chemist - (My 1st) Big Break

"The robots...are coming..."

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