Fred Durst to add self-parody to resume with family-friendly sitcom
- Durst's acting abilities are pretty much non-existent.
- Durst putting his kids to sleep by murmuring the chorus to "Eat You Alive" or trying to transform LB touring adventures into teachable parental moments defies the bounds of believability.
- Wallet chains have no place on CBS comedies.
- Dope DJ Lethal wheels-of-steel interludes that signal the shift from one scene to another.
- We can probably count on lots of guest spots from Wes Borland in increasingly macabre face paint, a la Jazzy Jeff on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If Borland can't make it, members of International Clown Posse can sub in; nobody will know the difference.
- The idea of Durst being married to a hot blond bombshell -- or being pestered and cajoled by a Greek chorus of hot blond baby-mamas -- won't require too major suspension of disbelief on the part of the audience.
- Did you ever see short-lived Bible Belt shock-drama The Book of Daniel, where Jesus of Nazareth is constantly showing up to advise the show's frocked protagonist? What if -- wait for it -- what if, during times of trouble or just randomly, Durst's Kurt Cobain tattoo comes to life to offer sage-if-smacked-out counsel and scream "Smells Like Teen Spirit" at a deafening volume?
- Durst definitely needs an answer to Home Improvement's Wilson; there are a lot of possibilities, but for the ultimate in cosmic synchronicity, Gimme Noise will settle for no one less than Luther Campbell.