Top 10 worst Minnesota songs

Categories: Lists
Frank+Zappa+FrankZappa2.jpg
Related:
Top 20 best Minnesota songs
Top 20 best Minnesota musicians
First Avenue's 20 best concerts
First Avenue's 20 best concerts: Readers' picks

For all of the impressive songsmiths penning grand lyrics and melodies inspired by our fair Minnesota, there are nearly as many embarrassing clunkers doing our state no justice whatsoever. Maybe Michelle Bachmann likes 'em, but we sure don't. Here are the ten most atrocious songs ever concocted about Minnesota. --Reed Fischer




10. "Wasting Time" - Kid Rock

This rap-country nightmare unfolding to the tune of (no joke) Guns 'N Roses' "Paradise City" is more disturbing than a Dario Argento film. The lyrics here -- like most of his songs, really -- paint Kid Rock to be a drunken, drug-addled pimp who's leading a life of supposed leisure, sleeping in dumpsters and getting high with kings, or something like that. At one point, Mr. Rock proclaims "But I got more time than Morris Day" -- a ham-fisted reference to one of the hardest-working men to ever grace a stage. Everyone has the same 24 hours to work with, dude. A better use of Rock's extra time on his hands would've been to improve this song far beyond the gargantuan suckfest that it is. --Pat O'Brien



9. "It Can't Happen Here" - The Mothers of Invention

Otherwise known as, "The Muppets Do Free Jazz," this song from Frank Zappa's debut album sounds just a little more than dated, now 45 years removed from its release. Of course, the reference to our fair state -- "Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota?" -- clearly singles us out for the perceived mundanity of the Midwest. This is perhaps understandable given all of our deeply suppressed murderous tendencies. (Then again, the Manson murders happened just a few years after "It Can't Happen Here" was released, so there's that too.) But what's worst about this song is that its artiness comes off like a '50s B-movie, an ample reminder of who Zappa's core constituency has always been, "Joe's Garage" and all: jam band fans who know they really ought to like Captain Beefheart, but can't commit. --Jeff Gage



8. "The Fans" - Alabama

When bands start to wane, many of them enter an incessant pandering phase and essentially rewrite the same song ad nauseum in an attempt to keep the life support from getting unplugged. For the most part, Alabama can be commended for not doing that. Until "The Fans." The comical disconnect between the lyrics about places they've visited over the years and the crawling tempo, ideal for making out with your better half, is jarring at best, creepily unsettling at worst. "Played the fair in Minnesota, I wish we could have played one more, " sings Randy Owen. Odd, since it seems like they play the Grandstand every year. With material this bad, we're not sure anyone cares if they just roll on through our state without so much as tapping the brakes. --Pat O'Brien



7. "Outta Town Shit" - Ghostface Killah

Ghostface Killah is one of the greatest storytellers in hip-hop history. From the tear-jerker childhood poverty recollections of "All That I Got Is You" to the post-traumatic shellshock of "Walk Around." So it's not his fault that More Fish standout "Outta Town Shit" takes a turn for the goofy at the end. In fact, his verse about a run of dice-game good luck interrupted by guns-drawn mayhem is another example of his "did you just see that" intensity pulling you collar-first into the story with him. But then the tacked-on fake newscast at the end shoves you right back out: Ghost placed that verse in the general confines of Minnesota, but the anchor helpfully clarifies exactly where the confrontation happened: downtown Minnesota. Oh yeah, that neighborhood -- one of the toughest in the entire state of Minneapolis. --Nate Patrin

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
18 comments
MinneapolisMang
MinneapolisMang

People who made this list, I'd love to hear your songs sometime.

April
April

I am reminded of that part in Dexter (Season 5, I believe) where Julia Stiles' character, who is allegedly form Minneapolis, hears that her friend named her kid "Madison" and says, "they named the kid after the town we used to go to for our Sunday beer runs."  Clearly the writer of that lame joke has not been to either Minneapolis OR Madison, considering that no one in their right minds would drive 5 hours across Wisconsin for beer, when you can get it in Hudson.

Killa Beatz
Killa Beatz

how is 50 tyson not on this list lol

BT
BT

Would rather listen to Zappa than the plethora of dull bands that are the critics darlings of late.  Polica?  The National?  Florence and the Machine?  Give me a break--that is just boring music...

Mungo
Mungo

Zappa rules.  You are wrong.  

Mikederouke
Mikederouke

Look out! Throw some sand into the circle jerk that is the Minneapolis music scene, and you'll get a nasty write up from an unpaid intern!

Patrick D. Dentinger
Patrick D. Dentinger

"outshined"? REALLY?! looking california means he looks hot, but feeling minnesota came from a chris cornell/soundgarden visit here in january, thus, feeling minnesota means COLD. duh. obviously jeff gage did this for attention, nothing more.

Mike H.
Mike H.

Kid Rock will never be mistaken for intellectual, but Wasting Time was a far more interesting song as originally recorded. Setting it to GNR makes the lyrics all the more ridiculous.

What do you get when you mix the 9-11 tragedy with a terrible Lee Greenwood song? Two years of my ears bleeding every time I went to a Twins game at the Metrodome. Perhaps the first thing I would do if I had a time machine is make sure that song never got recorded.

Makes little sense? Sure, but Outshined is not a bad song, regardless of how Minnnesota is used as an adverb.

KCobainfan_1994
KCobainfan_1994

Soundgarter is one of the best metal bands to come out of Portland. Glad they tapped into the vibe we have here in the Minneapple.!

sludgehammer
sludgehammer

enough with the lists already. you guys are bringing the music-blog-for-middle-schoolers vibe. maybe there's an audience for this, but I find it to be built by boredom.

Suggestions from a reader: write about a local music store, do a weekly artist profile, interview local fans, interview radio DJ's, interview local producers and studio owners, do a write-up about a venue, review more local releases.

make your shit smell local, bros. the lists are wiggedy-wack.

Reed Fischer
Reed Fischer

Thanks for your suggestions. Since we do all of those things on this blog already, my suggestion to you would be to read us more closely.

Cbats
Cbats

Responding to your commentators with this much condescension isn't really going to help things much.

sludgehizzle
sludgehizzle

you don't do all those things and i do read you closely. you don't do venue profiles that are interesting to read and you don't profile artists unless they're pimping a new release (ex: Andy Elwell.....who knows if he would have any earnest, angle-free mention if some kind of press kit/promotional gobbledygook didn't get jammed into your p.o. box.

the lists are borderline juvenile. that's all I'm saying. the integrity of your transmissions morphs into Maxim Magazine territory.

I get it....perhaps somewhere near a roundtable, in a faraway land, there is a memo suggesting that Top Ten and Twenty Lists trend well and garner more website hits. keep the numbers, high. sip the silver ball. eat the pellet.

read the recent New York Times article about the DJ who was crushed by a Taxi while gigging in Portland. now that is an article with depth....covering a local act that isn't some ephemeral, picked-to-click bullshit act with a lopsided haircut and a set of songs with no discernible lyrics, hook, or beat (ex. Margaret Lane's new video.....there's a beat in there somewhere....and some synths.....but that's about it....watch the video so you can see her sell the music with sex appeal.....meh).

maybe I'm an old-timer now. maybe it seems like i'm saying you can't do anything right. maybe it doesn't matter what anyone says. I just to read something that means something....at least some of the time (your Brother Ali/Trayvon Martin post did that....but it was written by Ali himself).

maybe I'll just put on my headphones, walk with my head down, and rock out to Old Man & The Sea.

BigHerbDickerson
BigHerbDickerson

Reed.  You have an audience.  Act like an adult when you interact with them in the comments (which I don't think is advisable, as I've said before).  Your "untouchable" attitude is not a long play.  And then to say "you write something if you don't like it"  Cmon, that's third grade playground.  Man up.

Oscar
Oscar

 Why don't you only write about stuff that will stimulate that one crybaby??

Reed Fischer
Reed Fischer

I think that you'll find that every publication (NY Times, Rolling Stone, SPIN, etc.) that covers music will connect its coverage to an album release cycle. It's not required that we do so, but it's more useful when there is legit news like an album release surrounding an artist.

I'm glad that DJ Jonathan Toubin has recovered well after the horrendous accident, and that you read about him. I've met him, and he's a wonderful guy. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that nothing like that happens to any of our artists around here, but don't think for a second that we wouldn't pay attention. And thanks for reading the Brother Ali post. Technically, I wrote it based upon an interview I conducted with him. If you're truly an old-timer, I commend you for getting up your strength to spend some time on the keyboard and say something. Maybe you don't like Andy Elwell or Margaret Lane, but a lot of our writers/readers do. Please let me know when there is someone in the local community you would like to read more about.

Now Trending

Minnesota Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...