The ten most depressing country Christmas songs


6. Dale Watson - "You Can Call Me Nick"

And this time Santa's in jail; the tale of an illegal immigrant. Notable lyric: He said the cops had picked him up because he looked a little strange. And he couldn't give an address and he couldn't prove his name. Besides he looked like an immigrant, his skin was dark and tough. He couldn't even name our President. And then if that weren't enough it seems he didn't even have a family, and his friends lived far away. That old judge fined him half a grand, or one month and a day.

5. Mojo Nixon - "It's Christmas Time"

That "booger-eatin' moron" Mojo Nixon released a Christmas album, too. But he called it Horny Holidays, and well, that about explains it all. Notable lyric: I said honey child, you know what Christmas present I got for you? Unzip my pants, let my snake do a little dance. Unzip my pants, then I'll do a love dance.

4. Loretta Lynn - "To Heck With Ole Santa Claus"

Loretta Lynn wants to kick everyone's ass. But she'll be super cute about it! This song gives "Fist City" a run for its money. Notable lyric: So to heck with ole Santa Claus. When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls. I'd like to hit him and his "ho ho ho" with a bunch of big snowballs. To heck with ole Santa Claus.



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2 comments
natedungan
natedungan

Tonight is the last night of the 2012 Trashy Little Xmas Show, down at Lee's Liquor Lounge.  We do three sets of Christmas music that rocks, swings and swaggers, including many of the tunes listed here.  This is my invitation to everyone, and especially you, Nikki Miller-Rose, on a silver platter, to come down to Lee's and see Trailer Trash for yourself!  I double dog dare you to let us make a fan out of you!

BoDarville
BoDarville

Stompin' Tom actually made a X-mas album with actual X-mas songs like "Down on Christmas", the somewhat depressing "Orphan's Story" about Santa's visit to the orphanage, and a vocally challenged version of "Gloria (In Excelsis Deo)".

When I think depressing Christmas songs, some tunes come to mind such as "Old Toy Trains" by Roger Miller, "Shut In At Christmas" by Bruce Robison, "Blue Blue Christmas (For This Truck Drivin' Man)" by Red Simpson, "If We Make It Through December" by Merle Haggard, "Lonely Christmas Call" by George Jones, Ferlin Husky's "Christmas Don't Feel Like Christmas", and of course the ever "spirited"
"Merry Christmas From A Bar" by Mike Ireland.

Keep it real.

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