My mom reviews Pitchfork's top tracks of 2012

Categories: Lists, My Mom

5. Japandroids: "The House That Heaven Built"

Pitchfork says: "There will always be rock kids who go to a show wanting to be saved. In 2012, this was their anthem"

My mom says: "At the start, I think: 'Oh, I wanna get up and dance to that!' But then the beat never changes. It just keeps incessantly banging. It starts to annoy me. Quickly."

4. Kendrick Lamar: "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe"

Pitchfork says: "The track's hazily unfurling structure and spiritual devotion to the power of creativity make it feel like a long-lost Aquemini cut."

My mom says: "What a horrible voice! Oh, God, this horrible. And he looks like Mr. T without the muscles."

3. Usher: "Climax"

Pitchfork says: "Diplo's chilly, climbing electronic soundscape brings us to the brink without ever fully delivering blind dancefloor revelation, and Usher matches him letdown for letdown, detailing a relationship's crumble with acute poignancy."

My mom says: "Usher is kinda hot. There's a sound effect that sounds like a fart, though. And why is Usher's voice so high in places? [She has never heard Auto-tune] This doesn't appeal to me at all. Next."

2. Frank Ocean: "Pyramids"

Pitchfork says: "If you'd have told anyone at the beginning of 2012 that one of the year's most exhilarating singles would be a 10-minute-long R&B burner with three movements and a scorching John Mayer guitar solo so arena-courting that you can almost hear the hydraulic lift whirring under his feet, they'd probably be all: 'Oh, nice -- undiscovered Michael Jackson track?'"

My mom says: "This one doesn't do anything for me either. I'll bet there's some very cool dancing involved in the performance though. I'd watch that."

1. Grimes: "Oblivion"

Pitchfork says: "'Oblivion' is a shapeshifter, just like its creator, a song with open spaces and hairline cracks in which you can see parts of yourself. And being impossible to pin down kept it sounding fresh and new again and again, each listen feeling a little like the first one."

My mom says: "Sounds like Asian girls trying to sound like Madonna. (Turns it off) Yep. Enough of that."

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You should look at your own lives and taste before you criticize and judge someone else's, because clearly you do not understand the impact it can cause. 


this is offensive and disrespectful on so many levels. a pathetic excuse for music criticism.


Please publish better music journalism City Pages. Please.

Chrissy Burgell
Chrissy Burgell

She has a pretty accuate description. Music is in such a sad, uninspired, apathetic state right now. Everything sounds like something else and people are just so so complacent about it.

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