Ten Stories About Prince that are better than fan fiction

Categories: The Purple One

5. Prince Gets a Sandwich


Summary: Yes, Morris Day is just as much of a conceited pinhead in Charlie's universe as he was in Purple Rain. Day's bullying character in the sandwich shop scene is reminiscent of Back to the Future villain Biff Tannen. All swagger, but little substance.

4. Prince has a "Fawlty Towers" Marathon


Summary: We are only heading further down the rabbit hole. At this point, it almost seems plausible that Prince is killing a whole afternoon with some British comedy and some errands. Key difference from the commonfolk? He's got to help David Z. track down Bobby Z., who left his phone on silent.

3. Prince Volunteers for Habitat for Humanity


Summary: Again, saying this particular story is like an episode of the Twilight Zone means that it's even moreso than just a simple taco party at Prince's pad. The Purple One is getting on his altruistic tip and helping with Habitat. But first, he needs a reference, and Charlie's apparently the most respectable guy he can dredge up. Once former U.S. president Jimmy Carter enters the scene, the plot thickens and tangles.  

2. Prince Battles Depression


Summary: In this latest "just like us" moment, even Prince eats too much KFC and listens to the Smoking Popes' "Need You Around" when he's bumming out. For the most part, these stories have a lift at the end, but this one's pretty devastating. Plus, The Ramen Girl seems to be a nice foreshadow for...

1. Prince and the Ramen Eating Contest


Summary: The title reminds us of James and the Giant Peach. There's something borderline psychedelic about this tale, and anyone with a shopping cart with 50 or 60 packages of ramen in it is irresistible. Charlie's up to his lyrics-skewering best here ("I asked him how it felt when doves cry"), and it concludes much like any row at a grocery store must end. Now, you don't know the actual Prince any better than you did before, but who knows when you might run into the fictional one at Caffrey's? 

From Stories About Prince:
DISCLAIMER: The stories on this site are works of fiction featuring a satirical characterization of Prince Rogers Nelson, whom I have never actually met in any capacity, and should not be read as attempts to discredit his reputation. The satirical characterization of Prince featured here is the antithesis of the highly publicized mythology that surrounds the real Prince. This Prince goes to the laundromat, goes to the grocery store, has work in the morning, and his day-to-day routine is generally as mundane as any non-public entity. He is friendly, outgoing, community-minded, and can generally go anywhere in the Twin Cities he pleases and nobody pays him any more attention than they'd pay anybody else. Any factual representation of Prince appearing here is purely coincidental.

Read the rest of them here.

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