Ten Stories About Prince that are better than fan fiction

Categories: The Purple One

5. Prince Gets a Sandwich

Excerpt:
Prince_Sandwich.jpg

Summary: Yes, Morris Day is just as much of a conceited pinhead in Charlie's universe as he was in Purple Rain. Day's bullying character in the sandwich shop scene is reminiscent of Back to the Future villain Biff Tannen. All swagger, but little substance.

4. Prince has a "Fawlty Towers" Marathon

Excerpt:
Prince_Fawlty.jpg

Summary: We are only heading further down the rabbit hole. At this point, it almost seems plausible that Prince is killing a whole afternoon with some British comedy and some errands. Key difference from the commonfolk? He's got to help David Z. track down Bobby Z., who left his phone on silent.

3. Prince Volunteers for Habitat for Humanity

Excerpt:
Prince_Habitat.jpg

Summary: Again, saying this particular story is like an episode of the Twilight Zone means that it's even moreso than just a simple taco party at Prince's pad. The Purple One is getting on his altruistic tip and helping with Habitat. But first, he needs a reference, and Charlie's apparently the most respectable guy he can dredge up. Once former U.S. president Jimmy Carter enters the scene, the plot thickens and tangles.  

2. Prince Battles Depression

Excerpt:
Prince_Depression.jpg

Summary: In this latest "just like us" moment, even Prince eats too much KFC and listens to the Smoking Popes' "Need You Around" when he's bumming out. For the most part, these stories have a lift at the end, but this one's pretty devastating. Plus, The Ramen Girl seems to be a nice foreshadow for...

1. Prince and the Ramen Eating Contest

Excerpt:
Prince_Ramen.jpg

Summary: The title reminds us of James and the Giant Peach. There's something borderline psychedelic about this tale, and anyone with a shopping cart with 50 or 60 packages of ramen in it is irresistible. Charlie's up to his lyrics-skewering best here ("I asked him how it felt when doves cry"), and it concludes much like any row at a grocery store must end. Now, you don't know the actual Prince any better than you did before, but who knows when you might run into the fictional one at Caffrey's? 

From Stories About Prince:
DISCLAIMER: The stories on this site are works of fiction featuring a satirical characterization of Prince Rogers Nelson, whom I have never actually met in any capacity, and should not be read as attempts to discredit his reputation. The satirical characterization of Prince featured here is the antithesis of the highly publicized mythology that surrounds the real Prince. This Prince goes to the laundromat, goes to the grocery store, has work in the morning, and his day-to-day routine is generally as mundane as any non-public entity. He is friendly, outgoing, community-minded, and can generally go anywhere in the Twin Cities he pleases and nobody pays him any more attention than they'd pay anybody else. Any factual representation of Prince appearing here is purely coincidental.

Read the rest of them here.


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5 comments
Joe Sherry
Joe Sherry

Folks were waiting in line at 4:30 when we drove by just to see if hitting the show would be plausible.

Ross Levine
Ross Levine

Well that part where you're directed to overflow parking you mentioned? It jsnt happening, parking is a mystery so far...

Chandra Fossen
Chandra Fossen

Haha. My boyfriends dad was the drummer. Ive heard some funny stories.

swmnguy
swmnguy topcommenter

Those stories are fantastic.  They're actually good little stories, but the fact that they're about a fictionalized version of ...Prince...is just the greatest.  

I've worked for Prince; a long time ago.  I spoke with him once or twice.  The weirdest thing that happened was when we were on break at Paisley Park, just lazily shooting baskets in the loading area.  Prince walked by, wearing a purple velvet outfit with the pirate puffy shirt and high-heeled boots.  He wanted to take a few shots, so of course we fed him the ball.  He hit a couple from 12 - 15 feet.  Then he wanted to drive and take a layup, and he wanted somebody to at least pretend to guard him.  I did, and it occurred to me that he might fire me if I blocked his shot, and since he's only like 5'-3" and I'm 6'-0", I'd better watch it.  Then I thought about fouling him--hard--just to show him it's My Lane and if he wants to drive it, he better bring his "A" Game 'cause I'm not fooling around in the lane and I don't care if he's Prince, he better get that weak-ass shit out of the lane.  But I decided against that.  I was broke and in my early 20's.  I've heard every man has his price, and I guess mine at that time was about $625 for a week's worth of running a follow-spot for Prince's tour rehearsals.   

Anyway, I got one of those, "Oh, you're from Minneapolis.  Do you know Prince?" questions from a big black TSA guy at the airport in Charlotte or some damned place, and I told him that story.  The guy just stared at me.  Then he gave me back my boarding pass and ID and said with a dirty smile, "I would have fouled his ass.  I can get a better job.  But when you gonna get another chance to smack Prince?"  I told him, "Well, you have to remember I was really poor at the time and had to make rent."  We laughed and laughed.

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