My mom reviews the Grammy Awards 2013 nominees
5. BEST NEW ARTIST
Justin: Alabama Shakes or Frank Ocean should win, but every female I know wants to make out with the Lumineers' Wesley Schultz, so I think that's where this award is going. It was probably over when The Lum's signed on to tour with Dave Matthews.
Mom: Do I have to pick categories where I don't know any of the bands? Is Frank Ocean related to Billy Ocean? How old is Billy Ocean now, anyway?
4. BEST ROCK ALBUM
The Black Keys, El Camino
Coldplay, Mylo Xyloto
Muse, The 2nd Law
Bruce Springsteen, Wrecking Ball
Jack White, Blunderbuss
Justin: This nominees list is stunning. Do these people even listen to music? Black Keys win by default.
Mom: I know this is going to disturb you, Justin, but I really like Coldplay!
Justin: Disturbed. Next category.
3. SONG OF THE YEAR
Ed Sheeran, "The A Team"
Carly Rae Jepsen, "Call Me Maybe"
Kelly Clarkson, "Stronger"
fun., "We Are Young"
Justin: Maybe I'm missing something in the definition of the word "song."
Mom: "Call Me Maybe" is an adorable song, Justin! Thank God Taylor Swift is not up for this one. I'm telling you, I've seen her on Ellen and a bunch of the talk shows -- she's a bright, engaging young woman. I like her. Her music just sucks! I just don't understand who votes on these awards.
2. ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Justin: I think the Mumford fascination is done. Black Keys again.
Mom: I have no beef with Mumford, but I'm telling you I really like this band Fun...dot. Is that what you call them?
1. RECORD OF THE YEAR
Justin: Heads up mother -- I'm afraid Taylor Swift may get this one.
Mom: If they pick "Never Ever," I'll slit my throat. I just want you to know that.