Katy Perry's "Roar": Why this song sucks

Categories: Serrano Time
katyperry_roar_video_03.jpg
katyperry.com

[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning writer and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]

History: Katy Perry was born in 1984, except back then people called her "Katy Hudson" because that's her real name. In 2001, she was like, "You know what? I'm gonna release a Christian album," so that's what she did. It flopped.

Then she was like, "You know what? God can't take me to the top, bro, but I know what can," and so she changed her name to Katy Perry and swapped out our Lord and Savior for a bra that squirts out whipped cream. She's since sold approximately 10 million albums. "Roar" comes from her new album, Prism. It's not that great, but since she's not talking about Jesus Christ it was able to top the charts. Pretty cool world. Here's why it sucks:


Atmospherics: It sounds like Katy Perry heard "Brave" by Sara Bareilles and really, really liked it a lot and so she tried to make it herself.

It's not unlike the time one of my sons watched a video of a crocodile eating a deer and was like, "OH FUCK, DADDY! I WANNA BE A CROCODILE!" And so he ran upstairs and two minutes later screamed for me to come and when I got there he was standing all the way naked except for the plastic bag that he had hanging betwixt his butt cheeks. "I'M A CROCODILE," he shouted. "DO YOU SEE MY TAIL?" He wasn't a crocodile and that wasn't a tail. He was a jackass with a Kroger bag wedged into his tiny butt.

"Roar" is basically that: a plastic bag wedged into Katy Perry's butt. That's a little thing called a perfect metaphor.

Analysis: The song is about standing up for yourself, which I guess is fine enough. But three pretty dark and nasty things get revealed about her in the video:

KatyPerryUngrateful.jpg
1. Katy Perry is ungrateful

She and a handsome man are in the jungle following a plane crash. The handsome man is boldly leading Katy Perry through the jungle, attempting to find rescue. Katy Perry is for some reason not feeling him. So she begins to sing about never arguing or causing any sort of fuss in the relationship.

That's when a tiger springs out and eats the handsome man, and Katy Perry is barely shaken at all. As she more or less sings: "HAHAHAHAHA. In your face, bitch. Oh, by the way, I'm standing up for myself now! Because you're dead. Because that tiger just ate you."

Lady bros, just a quick tip: If your boyfriend/fiance/husband is doing something you don't like -- watching a dumb TV show or not putting his dirty dishes away or whatever -- you don't have to feed him to an animal. Just be like, "Yo, homie. Can you not do that please?" He'll be like, "Alright, cool." Boom. Relationship fixed, and nobody dies.

MonkeyIdeafixed.jpg
2. Katy Perry isn't that great at hunting

Katy Perry makes friends with a monkey. The monkey's like, "Yo, why don't you use your heel to make a spear," which is pretty goddamn smart, really. She's like, "Good idea." She makes the spear and the monkey is like, "Fuckin' a, bro. We're eating good tonight." Then Katy Perry goes hunting....


My Voice Nation Help
60 comments
jimking
jimking

I didn't like it much either, but this article is lame.  I bet when you were younger you pictured yourself becoming a novelist or at least a real journalist.  Now look at you.

ChadBush
ChadBush

I thought the article was entertaining and I still sing along to Roar every time I hear it on the radio…or it "randomly" starts playing via Spotify.

Jason Thomas Borneman
Jason Thomas Borneman

How many horrible articles can you make when there are at least 1000 people whiling to write informative(think of it), fun, and witty columns. This is just lame, uneducated babble.

Jeff Young
Jeff Young

I don't have to read the article or hear the song. A song sucks because it's Katy Perry--music for the undemanding. Nuff said.

Kate Ibur
Kate Ibur

This article is dumb. Find something better to write about.

Michelle Beyers
Michelle Beyers

I call BS. I ask my husband to not do annoying things all the time. Maybe it would be more effective to ask the tiger to take care of it.

Adam Mikelson
Adam Mikelson

Let me guess why it sucks.......because it's Katy Perry?

Noah Tea
Noah Tea

I went from Christian pop to regular pop. WHY AM I STILL IN MY FRIENDS BASEMENT??

Christo Collins
Christo Collins

You guys know that this song came out in August, right?

Chris Beattie
Chris Beattie

My repulsive anus has a better back catalogue than this cringeworthy cabaret act. Her vagina is rumoured to fall out early 2015.

Eddie Krekeler
Eddie Krekeler

Because she ripped of Sara Barellas. and Katy Perry sucks!

Jason Thor Carle
Jason Thor Carle

I was just thinking that if she wants to she can come suck at my house... ;-)

GentlemanJim
GentlemanJim

A good deconstruction, and a thoroughly enjoyable read. However, it merely enumerates some of the many reasons that the video for the song sucks, not that the song itself sucks.

Perhaps an addendum is in order.

Durk Gescheidle
Durk Gescheidle

Her voice is barely tolerable and her songs are pop tripe. She is best viewed with the volume turned down. Being hot is her only saving grace.

McLain Causey
McLain Causey

I haven't to my knowledge heard a Katy Perry song. My guess is she does suck. What I do know is that I'd like the 40 seconds I was able to stomach reading this dreadful article back.

Britt Woltersdorf
Britt Woltersdorf

This article was amazing. I can't even express how much Katy Perry's "music" is anything but.

Curtis Meyer
Curtis Meyer

Anytime a Christian artist goes pop, an angel gets naked.

Nikki Koi
Nikki Koi

This article is more awful than the video. By far.

Joe Petrie
Joe Petrie

They all sound the same that is why they suck. The video is hokey but hey a leopard print bikini is the first thing I think about when it comes to female empowerment. But hey when I want to feel empowered I throw on a Speedo.

Yankee Doodle Pablo
Yankee Doodle Pablo

It's pop music. Written for the sole purpose of sucking and for sucky people to enjoy.

dustin
dustin

You're a horrible person, you don't even know Katy's life story. You should be ashamed.

Stephanie Lux
Stephanie Lux

Sorry, City Pages, this article didn't really have a well-written point in it, save for the plastic bag analogy. Plus the comparison with the Sara B. song is way over done and, based on chords, not that accurate. If anything "Roar" bares more resemblance to Jay'z "Hard Knock Life" tune.

John Paulson
John Paulson

every time someone uses the term "bro", in any context, i die a little inside. see? just happened again. anyway, when i can't even tell whether a writer is being ironic or not in an article supposedly about how a song sucks actually only talks about the video (both the song and the video are much clearer about their irony than this article, btw) i'd say the "whatever" has been misdirected.

MJ Lexvold
MJ Lexvold

Stupid article, but damn I' glad someone else hates this song as much as I do.

Justin Beck
Justin Beck

So this "critique" is of the music video, not the song, and the writer uses image macros to form arguments. What a depressing world we live in.

Christine Brown
Christine Brown

i'm pretty sure justin bieber sucks too. but i'm not going to download anything to make sure.

alexjarvis88
alexjarvis88

As funny as it may be...when you dedicate your writing to talking about why you think things suck, you aren't showing much in the way of talent...and you are proving that you suck yourself, in the sense that your attitude is more aligned with sucking and things that suck than it is aligned with noticing what is positive and worth talking about.

Katie Harris
Katie Harris

Geez.... It's for fun! Someone gets paid to write this stuff!

aaronbhamm
aaronbhamm

I'm not a Katy Perry fan, just as I am not a fan of this blog. I wasted like...2 minutes skimming over this garbage.

Jake Gerhardt
Jake Gerhardt

I got to the second paragraph before I realized there were two more pages. Closed out of the article immediately, thinking, "And that's how you ride the coattails of someone you don't like."

Dylan Michel
Dylan Michel

A needlessly detailed over analysis of a sucky pop song. I could have told you it sucked after listening to ten seconds of it on SNL a few weeks back. The time you took writing this article is time of your life you will never get back.

Talia TK Kay
Talia TK Kay

Agreed! Her new album is borrrrringggg. 2 or 3 decent songs, tops.

Christine Brown
Christine Brown

for a song and video you hate, you certainly have spent countless hours analyzing every detail. pro-ject-ing...

Now Trending

Minnesota Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...