Lorde's "Royals" gets a Hopkins High School makeover

Royals_Parody_Molly_Dworsky_.jpg
Screengrabs via YouTube

The conversation about Lorde's prodigious run with "Royals" continues. While the Grammy-nominated kiwi has inspired Ann Powers, Tavi Gevinson, and countless others to start spirited conversations about what it means to be a teenager today, it has also left plenty of us just feeling decrepit. One such soul is MN-bred Molly Dworsky, who uses the song's familiar melody for cracking some jokes about the fossilization commencing immediately after we exit high school.

Based west of Minneapolis, the Royals found at Hopkins High get to be in on this joke, which is currently going viral. With her hair frizzed up, Dworsky becomes "Borde" in this parody clip featuring some fellow grads reliving their letter jacket days. (Who doesn't miss the days of JTT?) Put on your reading glasses, turn up your hearing aid, and have a few laughs at your own expense.


Gimme Noise reached out to Dworsky to find out about her inspiration for the parody. Here's her response:

Back in September, I was waiting tables in L.A. (where I'm currently hustling to live and try to make it somehow in the comedy scene), and a customer told me I looked just like Lorde. I had heard "Royals" a few times -- it had just started playing on L.A. radio -- but it wasn't totally on my radar yet, and I didn't know who Lorde was. So I Googled her when I got home, listened to the song some more, and then saw that she was seven-fucking-teen!! So then I started feeling totally bad about myself and how I've accomplished nothing at 26 while this little girl is a superstar before she can vote. While I'm excellent at self-loathing, I'm also good at self-laughing.

Having been a Royal at Hopkins, I was tickled by the song's personal connection, thinking about how funny it was that I actually WAS a Royal, and that I'd never be one again, and that Lorde IS in high school, and is actually going to be royalty in the music scene now. And then at some point I found a gray pubic hair (just one!), and that lyric just wrote itself. So the parody was ultimately inspired by the fact that "love affair" and "pubic hair" rhyme so well.



"Royals (Parody)" Lyrics:

If this is life I'm unimpressed
Adulthood's nothing like the tales in the movies
I've got stretch marks and saggy breasts
Seven extra pounds, then I'm full of envy

Cause every song's like
Written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde's a millionaire at seventeen

And everybody's got kids, a mortgage, real responsibilities
Neck pains, diets, hot chicks were born after me
So unfair, I have to pay for my own health care

And we used to be Royals
How was that ten years ago?
Seems like yesterday, 2004
I wish I had another go
If I could be a high-schooler, I could be the prom queen
And baby I'd rule high school
Let me live that fantasy

My friends and I can tell we're old
We count our dollars in our IRA while you party
And once we're in our comfy clothes
We watch YouTube clips, eat chips, and feel self-pity

And everybody's got kids, a mortgage, real responsibilities
Neck pains, diets, hot chicks were born after me
So unfair, being carded is getting rare

And we used to be Royals
How was that ten years ago?
Seems like yesterday, 2004
I wish I had another go
If I could be a high-schooler, I could be the prom queen
And baby I'd rule high school
Let me live that fantasy

Whoa, so old
We're not where we thought we'd be
I miss the days of JTT
Whoa, so old
Growing old is so unfair
I just found a gray pubic hair

And we used to be Royals
How was that ten years ago?
Seems like yesterday, 2004
I wish I had another go
If I could be a high-schooler, I could be the prom queen
And baby I'd rule high school
Let me live that fantasy

See Also:
50 cool facts about the Minnesota music scene
Top 20 best Minnesota musicians: The complete list
Top 10 must-see Minnesota music videos this week

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15 comments
Dawn Hansen
Dawn Hansen

Did you see this get shared by City Pages? WHOA!

Yankee Doodle Pablo
Yankee Doodle Pablo

I was just waiting for "Afroman" to break in and sing, "and then I got high..."

Ryan Schoen
Ryan Schoen

Yeah that's right Absent is from the south burbs huh.. #PrivilegedSilverSpoon

Kevin Sidwell
Kevin Sidwell

It's moderately humorous. BUT, it's a bunch of 20 something's complaining about the glory years!?....It won't really be relevant for you for another 15 years.

Jimmy Yang
Jimmy Yang

Alright Reed Fischer is a freakin' nerd with horrible taste.

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