Six people who make the worst bandmates

allofem.jpg
All Ilustrations by Dave Watt

Being in a band is hard. Assembling a band is almost impossible. As anyone who's been through a few bands can tell you, meeting a self-proclaimed "musician" should instill about as much enthusiasm in you as meeting someone who is going to college for a career in law enforcement. You're either about to talk to a caring, compassionate, intelligent person or a psychotic, self-serving demon. By the analogy, you can probably guess which is more common.

See Also: Top 20 signs you've been in Lyn-Lake too long


Despite the intense joy we all take in watching a singer refuse to take the stage until the drummer changes his silk Western-style shirt, there comes a time we must rise up and take a stand. So furrow your brow and focus as we save your sanity by providing six people to avoid when forming a band.

DW01_Tattooguy.jpg
Dave Watt

6. Attractive Tattoo Asshole

We all know this person -- the charismatic, almost accidentally fashionable and uncompromising artist who poetically suffers by refusing to adapt to society. And has a shitload of tattoos, for some reason.

Truth be told, Attractive Tattoo Asshole is a great social companion. Their flashy appearance and gregarious nature makes them a constant spectacle. If you've ever wanted to get into a hundred conversations with a hundred people you'll never want to see again, Attractive Tattoo Asshole is your greatest ally.

Unfortunately, the narcissism they've cultivated to protect their fragile egos usually leads to some sort of nuclear friendship fallout as you learn they're the kind of person that will ditch you at the bar to go have sex with one of your friends. In your bed. Eventually, you'll start to wonder how such a struggling artist managed to get thousands of dollars of ink all over their body. That's when you notice you're missing some of your guitar pedals.

DW04_Americana.jpg
Dave Watt

5. Americana Reject

I could write a long and articulate passage on the problem with the Americana Reject, but I'm just going to stick to the initial notes I penned when writing up the first draft of this article:

"Boring coffee-drinking ass, hang out in your artisan cocktail bar. Can't even play the accordion. Fedoras suck."

My Voice Nation Help
24 comments
David Kay
David Kay

Looking, looking....there we go. I'm terminally #7. If you think I'm slumming, I probably am. This Gemini shit comes in handy for being a role-player, but goddammit, I wanna dance. Count on me to fill that awkward 16 bars with my brilliance. :-)

Chris Cowles
Chris Cowles

I'm still waiting for "Top 10 City Pages Articles Pretending to be Buzzfeed."

drewnelar76
drewnelar76

i'm none of those people!i just want to play my music and my guitar since 1992

Rich Rudin
Rich Rudin

You know your lame when your taking the City Pages Minneapolis advice

Olivia Quintanilla
Olivia Quintanilla

Haha, I got sad when they listed the art school kid, but then I fit into the exception. Huzzah!

Padre Pienbique
Padre Pienbique

Pretty good- But kids: Seriously ignore the advice City Pages Minneapolis gives you for people you SHOULD start a band with. They won't like you anymore for it.

midwestexplorer81
midwestexplorer81 topcommenter

This leaves no musician left you would want in your band. Every rock/metal/punk musician I've met falls into one of those categories.

Adler Agreda
Adler Agreda

Especially the Americana rejects. Someone's gotta burn the nest

Edward R. Seimon
Edward R. Seimon

"Avoid the one-man mosh pit and his fingerless gloves of terror."

Cynthia Zuber
Cynthia Zuber

Jaim's band is interviewing members and although I didn't read the article, I thought he might find it helpful! :)

Joel Glover
Joel Glover

Enter KISS Cover band. They may be ugly, but man can those guys play.

jreal411
jreal411

haha! Good read! I think I'm friends with every type mentioned here.

_Joe_
_Joe_

#7 - Guy who writes articles like these.

Alex Bissen
Alex Bissen

Wow City Pages Minneapolis. Your relevancy is diminishing quickly.

Now Trending

Minnesota Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...