I honestly tried to like Imagine Dragons

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From the "I'm On Top of the World" music video

I'm going to let you in on the secret: I don't know anything about music that normal adult humans listen to. Avalanches of culture engulf our entire society while I sit in a grubby basement, hunched over a laptop listening to old Motorhead records. However, on occasion, I'm forced to stick my head out and comb through the bleak, bland, and depressingly white landscape to observe the catastrophes around me.

I have heard a song by Imagine Dragons - "Radioactive." I was a career counselor at an arts college and some little booger that went to school there had covered it playing all the instruments himself. I thought it was really good for sounding like something I was fundamentally against.


Then I listened to Imagine Dragons' original version. It reminded me of Linkin Park crossed with Foster the People with a dash of Skrillex. If it were a meal, it would be a bunch of white turkey meat covered in sand. And you'd eat it off an ironic looking windbreaker jacket.

Ultimately, it was catchy and uncomfortably stayed with me, like the persistent feeling that you did not wipe your ass properly.

Imagine Dragons will be gracing Dallas with their heavenly presence tonight. As a teaser to generate interest, I have dutifully stepped up to honestly, seriously consider the band's record, Night Visions, track-by-track.

1. "Radioactive"
I went to a vocational technical college at the end of high school so I could sometimes smoke weed in my car. In class, I sat next to an intense serious looking goth who sat pensively in his own world, listening to music. A metalhead myself, one day I decided to ask him what he was listening to. He handed me his hilariously gigantic headphones and I prepared myself for some onslaught of pounding drums and blazing guitar solos. What I heard was "Return to Innocence" by Enigma. I can guarantee this dude is now listening to "Radioactive" on repeat as he piles down gas station food.

2. "Tiptoe"
Whoa, this rules. It sounds like it could be some sort of Stabbing Westward or Gravity Kills b-side - two of the greatest bands of our lifetime. Of course, they go and ruin it at the 0:28 mark with some cheesy drums before forcing on some vocals that made me yell "OH" out loud like I was Andrew Dice Clay being punched in the stomach. The rest of the song sounds like it would be the soundtrack to a montage scene in Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2. I can imagine a tiny dog triumphantly catching some Frisbees as the manicured and overproduced voices chant "nobody else can take me higher".

3. "It's Time"
Starts out with a similar beat to Fergie's "London Bridge". How can you go wrong with that? Shit, they're playing a fucking mandolin.

4. "Demons"
Matchbox 20 with a glockenspiel setting on a synthesizer. This is the only time I have ever prayed for Carlos Santana to show up.



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21 comments
Tara Johnderson
Tara Johnderson

Still would rather listen to this than Justin Beiber or 1 direction.

rileyrockson
rileyrockson

Every time I'm in the car and that terrible Radioactive song comes on(which is ALWAYS and on EVERY STATION), after he says, "I'm breathing in the chemicals" and he takes that loud, exaggerated breath in and then goes "Aahhh"--those three seconds become the new worst moment of my life.

Sunny Reum
Sunny Reum

they should start a side country folk group called imagine wagons. they'd have a permanent residency at 331.

Charlie Milkey
Charlie Milkey

How many more bands have to beat the dead horse that is modern rock music?

ajlalk3
ajlalk3 topcommenter

It's almost like music is such a broad topic, everyone can have different tastes in what they like. Hard to imagine.

Nick Nelson
Nick Nelson

Imagine there's no Dragons, it isn't hard to do...

josephperzynski
josephperzynski

You sure seem to have a lot of 'modern' music comparisons to make for someone who doesn't know anything about "music that 'normal' adults listen to." Linkin Park, Foster the People, Skrillex, Fergie, etc.... But what would I know?

Shay Hahn
Shay Hahn

You had me until you mentioned gravity kills and stabbing westward. Your opinion will never have validity.

kyl3wyld
kyl3wyld

You just admitted to liking Stabbing Westward.


Stephen Biondo
Stephen Biondo

Radioactive was all I needed to hear. Imagining unicorns to get that frat-bro-rock out of my head. Yuck.

brill029
brill029

"It sounds like it could be some sort of Stabbing Westward or Gravity Kills b-side - two of the greatest bands of our lifetime."


14-year-old me nods in agreement.

JCLR
JCLR

Pretty sure that was sarcasm.

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