With liberty and Miley Cyrus for all

Categories: Pop Culture
Photo by Eric Grunelson / Westword Slideshow

Miley Cyrus and I are proud members of the millennial generation. We take pragmatic idealism, dress it up in a Jordan jersey, throw on some gold grills, and then have a globalized party via Twitter. We employ tactics of cultural disobedience in promoting our neo-Libertarian ideals. We advocate for ethnic, racial and sexual diversity, and female empowerment. We have a vision, and it's all-inclusive. Your fallen world is invite-only.

Hate on us all you want. Our generation will likely get more shit done that all generations who came before us -- combined. We're the actual modern-day hippies, in search of a utopian existence as your "real world" structure continues to suffer collapse. You can argue with Miley and me until you pass out, but there's one fact that you'll just have to swallow: We are the future.

See Also: Miley Cyrus plays a twerking Michele Bachmann on SNL

Our generation has long withstood verbal crucifixion for its sense of entitlement and narcissism, but these are two of our most effective weapons. Miley doesn't need your permission, and neither do the rest of us. We want the world, and we want it now. Let's get turnt up together. Generational tension, the prevalence of prejudice and discrimination between young and old, is just as fear-based and pathetic as racism and homophobia. Unity spawns progress.

Miley has a tattoo on her left forearm that reads, "So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory or defeat."

The line is from a 1910 speech by Theodore Roosevelt who, like Miley, believed that living life politely is ultimately a fruitless endeavor.

In 1950s post-World War II America, society adhered to an ideal of pragmatism, focusing on cars, homes, families, and careers. The 1960s came along. Suddenly, "the system" was the enemy. Idealism became the new trend. People figured out that doing drugs and getting laid was way more chill than the megalomaniacal ethos pushing towards war. They staged massive protests and made tons of cool music. These fun-loving revolutionaries were called hippies. The 1970s saw the dawning of atomized individualism, as Americans strayed from the previous decade's attitude of communitarianism.

Then something super cray-cray happened. The 1980s laid groundwork for the modern internet. By the end of the decade, approximately 1 million people -- 86 percent of them in the U.S. -- were using the internet. Bam! The millennial generation was born.

In 1992, about a year and a half before Kurt Cobain stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, Destiny Hope Cyrus entered this world. As an infant she was given the nickname "Smiley," which she eventually shortened to Miley. While some of you may have needed that refresher course in contemporary history, you probably don't need me to remind you of what Miley's been up to for the past 21 years. Let's get back to what's trending now: pragmatic idealism and the Libertarian Bangerz hippies.

Every night on her tour, Miley posts a video of herself singing before a wall of hysterical audience members on her Instagram page. During the day, she tweets endless amounts of selfies in bed with her dogs, drinking Starbucks. Millions of people all over the world follow her social media accounts. Millions of people can see that despite being one of the richest human beings on planet Earth, Miley is actually super chill and enjoys hanging out at home, because she has found happiness somewhere along the way of her ruthless pursuit of self-actualization. All that Miley wants is for us to love ourselves as she loves us. She wants us to be free.

The world right now is a seriously fucked up and depraved place. Thankfully, our generation has been provided with social and technological organization tools which we personally have pioneered to find meaning in our lives and have an impact on a global audience.

We know that staying quiet means that no one will hear us. We know that the fewer selfies we take, the fewer people will see our beautiful faces. Miley is on the archetypal historic conquest, and her internet-driven egocentric attitude reflects the motives of our nation's forefathers. American settlers believed in Manifest Destiny. Today's ultimate stronghold is the endless terrain of the digital landscape.

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