10 reasons Urban Outfitters is bad for music

Categories: Lists
UO.jpg
Casey Hugelfink

We all know it, but it's time to show it. Urban Outfitters is a creative wasteland, a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends and trash-culture bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But, by and large, it's a beast we ourselves feed. Like creepers to a drug deal we lurch in, grab what we want and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?).

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans. Yeah, it's a record store too. Here are 10 of the worst examples of why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

10. They sell turntables that will eat your records.

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Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

In fact, they only sell record-destroying players. These Crosley tables -- equipped with uneven speeds and ruinous ceramic cartridges -- aren't really listening tools, they are toys. Cutesy, retro-chic, vinyl-hungry toys. Given that your albums won't last long on that new turntable, it's comforting to know that you can replace your LPs at UO too. It's a good thing that their prices are fair... Oh gad wait.

9. Their record prices are an assault on your financial well-being.

UOmadonna.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Even if you ignore for the moment that their records are terribly treated and poorly stored, UO's prices are astronomical. Singles will cost you upwards of $20. And my goodness, double LPs, even shitty ones, can cost you $40. This means if your monthly music budget is $150 (we're allowed to dream), you can still only buy about five albums a month. Those are prison cafeteria-type rates. Yay hip vinyl trend!


8. Now you can coordinate the Unknown Pleasures artwork with the rest of your outfit.

UOJoy.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Sweaters and shirts in a dozen colors and styles, all slathered with the iconic Joy Division radio waves, blanket UO's interior. Hell, it's almost their corporate symbol at this point. Ian Curtis would be so very proud.



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24 comments
Susannah Kasson
Susannah Kasson

Urban outfitter is as urban outfitter does.. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.. And make love and not war.. And ass, grass, or gas, no one rides for free.. Can ya dig it..??..

btwftw
btwftw

Don't like Urban Outfitters or Uptown? Don't go. It's a big city.

Caleb Musselman
Caleb Musselman

So am I a hipster for not going to urban outfitters before it was cool?

Michelle Paolucci
Michelle Paolucci

Did you go on my page and creep me Denny Bell??? Seems like ya did ya freaking creep psychopath! At least I don't go look at people's profiles if I don't agree or like what they say...CREEP!!!

Richelle Norton
Richelle Norton

It's a cesspool of generic, just like all the condos going up in uptown and on Excelsior & Grand where you have all the right places to be manufactured "cool" (Fitness, tanning, German Automotive, Starbucks, etc) I'd rather have a rant on the condos and turnover of Yuptown from what it was in the 80s.

Denny Bell
Denny Bell

A hipster making fun of a hipster store. The irony is killing me..

Bobby Dommer
Bobby Dommer

So don't go? I've never been to one and don't know anyone who would shop here. If this place is so generic and shitty, What does this say about the writer who seems to spend a lot of time in this place?

Thomas Carpenter
Thomas Carpenter

Oh, hi! Welcome to Urban Outfitters! We sell clothes made by people with twice our talent at four times the price!

Jennifer_N
Jennifer_N

"Area Man Finally Discovers That Urban Outfitters Isn't Actually A Record Store"

hellakyra
hellakyra

wow what an ~edgy~ and original listicle critique....

Scoops
Scoops

Funny article! I have to admit though, that I did pick up a brand new copy of Doggy Style by Snoop for 10 Bucks!! Definitely before 1996 but a classic none the less. I felt kind of dirty about it though. Side note: the CEO is a total D-bag. 

Michelle Paolucci
Michelle Paolucci

Hipsters be pissed because it's all true!!! Makes my day!! :-)

Stefanie Berres
Stefanie Berres

If the blogger's intention was to distract us from constantly complaining about the MN weather - well done! I will be outraged all day.

Stephen Escallier
Stephen Escallier

This article is pure bullshit. They have multiple Pink Floyd albums, their typical LP is $17.99-$22.99, they get it a lot of new rap music.... I could go on and on about how disingenuous city pages writing has become.

Lucas Price
Lucas Price

Number one, and all copycat bands that go for that sound.. Why are these bands so popular around the TC? Oh yeah. Safe entertainment for the whole family. But is it art?

Jason Boyd
Jason Boyd

Smoke a joint and drink a glass of warm tea. It will be ok. JESUS!!!

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