10 reasons you're too old for Coachella
|Chris Victorio/OC Weekly|
|You tell 'em, Grandpa!|
Age, of course, is a state of mind. But it's easy to feel like you've aged 30 years after three busy days at Coachella. Whether you've gone to the festival since the first year in 1999 or just started going a few years ago, the festival can feel a bit, well, different than when you were in your teens and 20s. If so, you might want to check and see if you just might be getting too old for this shit.
Okay, is it just your or does the last few lines of the lineup keep getting more and more impossible to read? No, it must just be your browser, right?
When you're finally able to decipher the bands billed in smaller font in the line up, you find yourself saying, "Who??" more than usual. There was a day when you were a huge fan of even the itty bitty bands billed on the last line (see: the Killers circa 2004, the Locust circa 2005, the Avett Brothers circa 2007, Deadmau5 circa 2008). Now, the acts you're most excited for could easily be seen on VH1 Classic. What's a STRFKR, anyway?
Once upon a time, the only person you were forced to babysit at Coachella was your friend who decided to take acid and ecstasy at once. But these days you're busy taking care of that tiny human you made smooshing your crotches with the good-looking kid you met at the Do Lab a few years prior.
7. You Now Pregame With a Cold-Pressed Organic Juice and Bowl of Quinoa
Coachella can take a lot out of you: the dry, desert heat, the walking, and the curmudgeonly judgements can all be exhausting. When you first started going to music festivals, you took hits of various illicit uppers, downers and stabilizers out of the little brown bottle in your shaving kit to get you through whatever the weekend brought your way. These days, it's all about a healthy balance of an organic diet, morning yoga and PMA to get you through the day.