18.2 reasons why Blink-182 is the greatest band of all time

blink-182_credit-jeff-bender.jpg
Photo by Jeff Bender

Blink-182 might release their seventh album this year. Please try to contain your excitement. I'll be the first to admit that Blink-182's last album was a steaming pile of overproduced shit, but I love the dudes. In fact, they're the best band in history.

They provided the soundtrack to millions of us during our dorky, pajama pants-wearing preteen years. They were comforting when relationships fell through due to my inappropriate sense of humor. You may be enraged by what follows, but hear me out. Here are 18.2 reasons why Blink-182 is the greatest band of all time.

See also:
I honestly tried to like Imagine Dragons

Disclaimers*

1. I am a '90s child
2. I don't consider myself a music critic
3. I still laugh at poop jokes

18. Because they wore baggy Dickies and pulled their tube socks high

Absolutepunk.net user Derrenk182 recently wrote: "how does blink 182 get there dickie shorts so baggy do they get bigger waste sizes or what. cuz one u buy normal dickie shorts there not even that baggy?" Good question, Derrenk! You probably need bigger pants. Take a hint from Mark Hoppus -- there's enough room in his Dickies for the two of us to climb inside and stay forever.


17. Because Travis Barker is actually a pretty good drummer

I admittedly know very little about drumming, but Barker sounds good and people say he's good, so he's probably good. That's how these things work, right? Barker gets additional cool points on my still-existing preteen rating system for his mohawk, scalp tattoos, and collaborations with RZA, Raekwon, and Yelawolf. He loses a few for Meet the Barkers.

ankle.jpg

I gave myself this tattoo at 19-years-old.

15. Because they inspire really stupid tattoos

16. Because nudity

The nudity in "What's My Age Again" is cool and everything, but nothing beats the Travis Barker pics that surfaced on MediaTakeOut in 2012. Barker sent a cease and desist letter to the site, claiming that the pictures were over five years old and weren't meant to be seen by the public. Too late. Though the pictures were removed from the website, you can still find them with a quick Google search. "All the Small Things" jokes do not apply.

14. Because they still make poop/fart/dick jokes

When sorting through friendship applications, I'm primarily looking for one qualification: If I make a poop joke, you must laugh. If you don't, our friendship will go nowhere. We'll sit in awkward silence after my first diarrhea joke of the day, like two friends after breaking their "We probably shouldn't sleep together" promise. Whenever I lose a friendship over my incessant need to make inappropriate comments about bodily functions, I haul up in my man cave blasting The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show (Blink's live album) on repeat and allow the belches, farts, and dick jokes to overtake me.

13. Because sometimes they sometimes involve their grandparents in said poop/fart/dick jokes

Youngins, avert your eyes. These are the lyrics to "Grandpa Song:" "When you fucked grandpa did he tell you that he loved you? Did he hold you till the sun did rise, and did he look into your eyes and ask you to felate him and stick a finger or two in his ass?"


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113 comments
Drew Swim
Drew Swim

And the award for the whiniest voice of a lead singer goes to...

Mc'Real Dtj
Mc'Real Dtj

Whatever you do, dont go in the bathroom.. i took the hugest shit yo

Duane Joseph
Duane Joseph

You guys have posted some shitty stuff, but this is a new low. Shame on you City Pages.

Chris Peden
Chris Peden

Get the fuck out of here!!!! I would put them one step below Creed. They SUCK!!!

Luke Schoper
Luke Schoper

I like the disclaimer for the shitty writing that's about to occur haha.

Holly VerHage
Holly VerHage

Awe, someone must have stumbled on Buzzfeed for the first time! "What a great idea! Good thing no one else knows about these lists they do"

Cory Adams
Cory Adams

I just pretend that everything after dude ranch never happened

Truth_Teller_1
Truth_Teller_1 topcommenter

The tats, do they ever comb their hair?  The content of the article? They'll be working at the car wash for the rest of their lives!

Anthony Domencich
Anthony Domencich

Using solid premise for the argument, sound grammar, and good spelling does not make for a interesting article. Please stop re-posting this bit of dribble.

Marcos Maiero
Marcos Maiero

The unfortunate girl who wrote this article can barely string together her sentences. It's the literary equivalent of a four-year-old tying their shoes.

Megan Duffy
Megan Duffy

What's with the something about mary hair?

Dusty Royer
Dusty Royer

one reason: the author has 0 musical taste

asfdsfdsf
asfdsfdsf

Why shity pages is the worst rag ever.

Pablo Charis
Pablo Charis

Is this article some sort of pyscological test to see how people react to completely absurd statements?

NightFlo
NightFlo

Get your LED Daisy Nightflo @ www.nightflo.com

vandey
vandey

Really? I guess it's gotten you reactions, but it's poorly written and just a bad idea for a story.

Cole Loren Bauer
Cole Loren Bauer

The best? Not even close. Fake-pop-punk music from the middle aged millionaires isn't good at all.

Matt Carlson
Matt Carlson

I feel dumber for reading this. Shit cock balls poop. I like to masturbate. Now I'm great for all the things mentioned in this list

Steve Gansen
Steve Gansen

I was prepared to be ok with this article if written with a shred of intelligence or wit. It wasn't, and I'm not.

Alex Stone
Alex Stone

I don't get it... how did this get published?

TwinTown77
TwinTown77

1 reason why Emily Eveland is a complete moron.  SHE THINKS Blink-182 is the greatest band of all time.

Nicole Wagner
Nicole Wagner

Are you on drugs? Like large quantities of them?

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