18.2 reasons why Blink-182 is the greatest band of all time


6. Because "Adam's Song" made it okay to talk about suicide

Enema of the State is all fun and dick jokes until "Adam's Song" hits. Suddenly, the car grows silent. A passenger in the back seat groans. "Change the song, dude." I will not change the damn song. Everyone needs an occasional reminder of the detrimental effect spilling apple juice in the hall can have on a teenager's well-being. Listen and weep.

5. Because no one is immune to the powers of "What's My Age Again"

Case in point: last week, I performed a social experiment in Dinkytown that involved blasting "What's My Age Again" at full volume and doing some minor, encouraging headbanging. Some bystanders nodded, others flashed half-assed metal hands, some headbanged back, and one man did a dance so dirty that it probably shouldn't be put into words. Everyone knows what it's like to be a moron at 23. Chug some Red Bull, stick some fireworks in your buttcrack, and allow Blink-182 to assist in embracing your idiocy.

4. Because they kicked their first drummer out of the band for alcoholism which means, zomg, they have morals

Scott Raynor played drums for Blink-182 from their inception in 1992 until 1998, when his alcoholism spiraled out of control. According to Hoppus, Raynor broke both heels after performing a drunken stunt in 1996 and recorded the drum tracks for Dude Ranch while on crutches. In 1998, Raynor bailed on a West Coast mini tour and the band replaced him with none other than Travis Barker, drummer of ska band the Aquabats. In 2000, Blink-182 released "Man Overboard." With lyrics like, "You're out of line and rarely sober," and "Man on a mission, can't say I miss him around/Insider information, hand in your resignation," it's widely regarded as a song about Raynor's alcoholism. Here's a video of Raynor repeatedly running his fingers through his gelled hair.


3. Because they write honestly about being idiots in relationships

In "First Date" (see "Because they wrote two of their top-selling hits in ten minutes"), Tom DeLonge runs through the list of questions we secretly berate ourselves with on first dates. "Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance? Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?" If you can't relate to this, you're either Ryan Gosling or a sociopath. Either way, I'm done talking to you.

In their early days, the Blink boys churned out songs about failed romantic endeavors like Lil Wayne churns out feces-related metaphors. Need a place to start? Here's a short list: "Pathetic," "Voyeur," "Don't Leave Me," "Apple Shampoo," "Josie," "Please Take Me Home," "Every Time I Look For You," "Short Story of a Lonely Guy," and "The Party Song." I could go on, but I have a feeling you're already fighting the urge to curb stomp me.

2. Because Travis Barker survived a goddamn plane crash

In 2008, Travis Barker boarded a plane in South Carolina. The plane never left the ground. Instead, it skidded down the runway, crashed through a fence, crossed a roadway, and smashed into an embankment. The pilots, Barker's assistant, and Barker's security guard died in the crash. Barker and DJ AM, who both sustained serious burn injuries, were the only survivors. The crash inspired the band to reconcile and reform after a three year hiatus. Less than a year after the crash, Barker was playing drums mid-air during the band's summer 2009 tour.

1. Because their masturbation pun hit number one on the Billboard Charts

It took a solid ten years for me to realize that Take Off Your Pants and Jacket wasn't about stripping your outer layers to get ready for bed. The album reached the top of the Billboard Charts on June 30, 2001 and remained there for one week, making it not only one of the dirtiest album titles on the charts, but also the first "punk rock" album to ever debut at number one. Bonus fact: each band member was assigned one of the icons on the album cover. Travis Barker's was an airplane.

.2. Because no one can argue with Dude Ranch

It speaks for itself.

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