ALT 93.3 could be the greatest thing to happen to radio since John Peel

Categories: Radio
foster-the-people_columbia_records.jpg
Columbia Records
Yet another station stuffing Foster the People down our throats.

The Black Keys. Coldplay. Kings of Leon. Imagine Dragons. The Lumineers. Does this sound like the headlining stage of a cruise ship plummeting through a Disney movie portal into hell? Perhaps. However, what those names actually represent in this case could be far more alarming. These are all bands mentioned alongside the announcement for the new Clear Channel station, ALT 93.3, a new outlet devoted to flooding your speakers with salty, lukewarm -- and for a limited time, commercial-free -- diarrhea. Or as it is more commonly known as, "Adult Alternative."

Upon the announcement of the station, Clear Channel's marketing president, Michael Crusham (who is most certainly crushing it when it comes to creating a homogenized radioscape for white people) had a pretty choice quote: "There is a big appetite for the kind of music that ALT will play. We are going to have fun feeding the Twin Cities with their kind of music."

See also:
Say hello to ALT 93.3, Clear Channel's newest Twin Cities alternative rock radio station


Wha? With their kind of music, eh? You can almost imagine Crusham as he hovers over the primitive reptile-folk of the Twin Cities, dangling our daily dose of Foster the People and Bastille mealworms over our grateful and gritty tongues. Or maybe he's intending to stitch fringe Current, 93X, and Cities 97 listeners together to vomit the Killers' basslines into each others' mouths.

While the statement is as presumptuous as it is nefarious-sounding, it's important to honestly consider the ramifications of unleashing such a streamlined avenue of sonic torment. In fact, when you use the part of your brain that isn't occupied by Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" playing endlessly, you can actually see how this terrifying manifestation could possibly have some truly positive impact on us pitiful plebeians.

So what's the good part? Like a hostile gang territory with a pair of sneakers slung over the telephone lines, we can now safely dismiss the entire 93 spectrum from our radios. On one side, the insincere funk warbling of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Go up a few notches to the Cumulus Media-owned 93X and you have a more overt, dangerous outlet showcasing the finest "I'm gonna sing these verses then scream the chorus" radio-waste that this nation has to offer.

Essentially, the two stations create a containment unit for these despicable anthems. By isolating these songs to these nearby frequencies, we can quarantine them into a bleak repository and hopefully discourage other stations from playing these tunes beyond their designated territory. It joins the ranks of potential radio road hazards putting people to sleep.


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109 comments
David Daydodge
David Daydodge

No no not Gen X - you mean Gen Y..... I as a Gen Xer get physically ill from this Bro Rock which started in the 90's...

Brian Gruidl
Brian Gruidl

Poor article consumed with elitism. I don't care for the music they play, but I'm not the intended audience, and neither is the writer. There is an audience for this station though, and no, you're not a better person than they are because of your musical taste. You don't have to support the station, but you also don't have to attack it's audience.

Kenny Thiem
Kenny Thiem

And what's wrong with liking 90's music. They have golden oldie stations and stations decidated to 80's music. I never was a frat boy and I'm not a soccer dad

Trevor Wacker
Trevor Wacker

Bob, they can't tell you because as soon as it's played the artist will immediately be a "sell out" because they're being played on the radio.

Bob Taugner
Bob Taugner

OK City Pages, what SHOULD they play?

Chris Early
Chris Early

Ooh not just intelligent but classy too! No wonder you seem so joyful. Pffft.

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes

you poetry writing, buffalo wild wing-eating nerd

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes

i write whatever the fuck i want

Jeremy Deysach
Jeremy Deysach

Wait.... That can't be!!!! But the current couldn't possibly do that!!! The City Pages staff will have to fight off all Foster the People playing stations with a gothic sword blessed with the tears of Robert Smith!

Noah Tea
Noah Tea

I needed a way to up my wedding ring commercial intake. Thank you 93.3

Chris Early
Chris Early

Dude. It's the exact same article. They just re-posted it.

Chris Early
Chris Early

They could start a new station that just plays the obscure sonic frizz the hipster dipshits at City Pages so adore, but if any of us rabble began to enjoy it, CP would immediately revolt and write pointless articles panning it.

Kenny Thiem
Kenny Thiem

Oh now you're giving them props. Just yesterday you were saying "Oh great another station to force Foster the People down our throats" I just wish I could get a better signal in St Paul.

Richard William
Richard William

That is the absolute worst. I remember when the current would play Joy Division and follow that up with Billie Holliday. What happened?

Jake Clark
Jake Clark

Every third song is Linkin Park. The signal sucks. It's music for Gen X frat boys turned soccer dads remembering their glory days.

Nolan Murphy
Nolan Murphy

I only listen to live music, played by poor people.

beetle_bum
beetle_bum

It's the totality of these bands and their most recognizable and over-played singles that makes 93.3 a complete bore. A alt-rock station safe enough for a dentist office. Makes 97.1 look like KFAI. And no individual band can be targeted specifically.

teamsterjc32
teamsterjc32

93.3 The Bro - All guys, no woman, all the time!!!!

Herb Mikel
Herb Mikel

Now maybe the current can STOP playing Coldplay?

Didier McDougall
Didier McDougall

I like it so far but the music should be mostly new with some 90s mixed in, not the other way around.

Michelle Stockness
Michelle Stockness

The title and lead-in is sarcastic. If you read the article CP says the channel sucks.

Tim Stang
Tim Stang

doesnt ever come in in Richfield..

Chad Howard
Chad Howard

Now if you could only hear it outside the loop, and don't give me the well it's on iHeart radio...doesn't do much while driving

Stefanie Megan Brown
Stefanie Megan Brown

DAMN!!! Jay Miller SAID that!! I can't fuck with the music editorials anymore since that sloppy ass punk rock article.....

Eric Johnson
Eric Johnson

I will never forgive corporate radio for killing Rev 105.

Kenny Thiem
Kenny Thiem

Finally someone who agrees, Minnesota radio does suck.

Kenny Thiem
Kenny Thiem

Vita.Mn is better then City Pages anyway. City Pages is like Star Trib light.

Thomas Will
Thomas Will

Radio K, KFAI, and on a rare occasion,the Current

Joe Shape
Joe Shape

John Peel was a legendary DJ and should not have his name taken in vain.

Lucas Price
Lucas Price

No shit. Commercial radio sucks. How about Gimme Noise feature some rad nuggets of MPLS culture? A feature about UnderCurrentMPLS would rule. As would a directory of awesome podcasts. Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. from Los Angeles does tons of digging into subculture, and many of their features are of Twin Cities punx! I do my part by working on Thanks For Nothing, you should too! :) :) :) :)

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