10 people you'll see at a Minneapolis basement show

Categories: Lists
Basement_Punks.jpg
Artwork by Dave Watt

It's a Tuesday night in South Minneapolis and kids are scattered across a glass-speckled lawn, smoking cigarettes and throwing back 40s of Olde English. A lone hippie wanders the perimeter, his dilated pupils aimed at nothing in particular. In the corner, an oogle sits alone, scratching at his scabies and scheming about how to get more money for dope. A crust punk runs his hand through a greasy mohawk, his dandruff floating lightly towards the dirt like snowflakes. In the basement, an angry bald guy shakes his head at the blatant alcoholic, yelling something about how he's 31 years old and doesn't have time for this shit.

Welcome to a basement show, where the flier says nine and the show starts at midnight. Before you get your boxers in a bunch over the stereotypes that follow, allow me to throw myself under the bus: I'm the sellout alt-weekly writer in the floral dress who throws a few too many elbows in the pit. Happy?


Confused_Hippie.jpg
Dave Watt

10. The Confused Hippie

The confused hippie was told there would be drugs here, but there's just really loud music and people who smell like her and don't smile. She can maybe get down with your basement show, since this music sort of sounds like Led Zeppelin, so long as you don't destroy her in the mosh pit. In the end, we're all just looking for, like, world peace, right? The confused hippie immediately regrets her decision to bring up Occupy Wall Street in front of a bunch of insurrectionist anarchists. Please stop yelling at the confused hippie. Your anger reminds her of violence which reminds her of war, and it's like seriously not jiving with her trip right now, maaan.

9. The Music Aficianado

You will find the people who actually came to listen to music either standing in the front row protecting the helpless band from the raging mosh pit or in a corner wearing state-of-the-art earplugs with their eyes closed. If you are doing anything that interrupts their listening process, they will forever hate you. Stop throwing beer cans. Stop yelling at your friend about his tight asshole. Stop shoving that kid into the kick drum. Just drop dead, all of you. The person who actually came here to listen to music seems to wish he were at the orchestra, and everyone else sort of wishes he were there, too.


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20 comments
ILoveGayShit
ILoveGayShit

I'm so fucking sick of the boring ass tr00 punks of minneapolis.

pelivernois
pelivernois

Basement show goers of America! Soap is not your enemy! they even make vegan soap. if you're homeless use a hose! No one, and I mean no one wants to smell your crotch funk up that close....

TommyBoy
TommyBoy

Drew Ailes is a fucking douche.

Iver Hillman
Iver Hillman

Someone should make a "Top 10 stereotypes found on City Pages lists"

Chris Early
Chris Early

But... Drew Ailes gets two categories here: his eponymous bald loser category AND punker than thou? And for the record, other cities to which he may be lent, there is no need to return him in 7 days, or ever for that matter. So sayeth the poetry-writing nerd category.

Scott Shelby
Scott Shelby

I don't care what happens never call me a Drew Ailes. Hahahahahaha. Dude you made . Citypages today, tomorrow the WORLD

Eric Shawn Smith
Eric Shawn Smith

The Rockabilly snob. Tell me about how you met Betty Page and Glen Danzig, in the same night again.

Jason Bistodeau
Jason Bistodeau

I agree. Not only have I seen very similar articles to this on other sites, but these 10 types show up at EVERY type of show, not just basement shows. Hell, go to First Ave on any given night and you'll see all 10 of these and a few more stereotypes that aren't included in the article.

Trixie Hilton
Trixie Hilton

It's so weird to me that people think punks care about them and what they're wearing (the idea that anyone is sizing up how many studs you're wearing? Projection much?) I think they're mostly busy drinking and hanging out with their friends with common interests. Shocking for folks mostly in their 20's, I know.

Alex Strawn
Alex Strawn

Do you guys even try to write quality articles anymore? Leave the listicles for Buzzfeed...

digitalprotocol
digitalprotocol topcommenter

hahahahhahahha


"his shitty-drunk self kicks in and he's tossing out death threats"

Craig R
Craig R

How do you find a basement show anymore? I miss the good old days of the crack cellar in Menominee

swmnguy
swmnguy topcommenter

So Minneapolis basement shows haven't changed in about 30 years.  Good to know.

TommyBoy
TommyBoy

I think punks care A LOT about what other people think about them...hence the costumes. Stop being so naive, "Trixie." 

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