McCain to Bush: It's Not You, It's Me.
Word from John McCain's campaign is that the presumptive nominee is asking the President not to appear too often at campaign rallies. Lay low, the logic goes, and he won't bring down his fellow Republican with that 30ish approval rating.
How does one go about asking a sitting president to stay away? We've obtained an exclusive letter from McCain to Bush that reveals how the candidate is navigating these tricky political waters.
CITY PAGES EXCLUSIVE!!1! MUST CREDIT CITY PAGES! MUST USE EXCLAMATION POINTS!
The Hon. George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
We've had some good times together, haven't we, over the years? There's no easy way to say this. I just need some more space right now.
It's not you, it's me. It's about my needs. Specifically, me needing to have a presidential campaign without the 200-pound millstone of being associated with the least popular president of modern times.
Our relationship has had its rocky, times, to be sure. Like when your lackeys ran a race-baiting primary campaign by spreading false rumors that I had fathered a black child out of wedlock. But I forgave and forgot. When you used fringe figure J. Thomas Burch to malign my image among fellow war veterans, I turned the other cheek.
(Well, OK, I actually ran ads asking if they wanted "another president in the White House that America can't trust." Boy, it's a good thing for you that voters weren't ready to hear "straight talk" back then, right?)
I kid! Bygones.
The irony of this being a "Dear George" letter from a guy named John is not lost on me. If you look up "irony," it will not be lost on you either. Probably.
You'll always be a part my life. In my own way, I'll advance your legacy as president. Why do you think I want to stay in Iraq for anywhere between 100 and 10,000 years? It's out of honor and respect for what we once had, and the war we created together. As a team.
You never know: maybe you and I will have another opportunity to start an armed conflict someday. After all, radio stations still play our song sometimes. Ah, memories!
For now, though, let's just be friends. Of course I still respect you. Can we hug it out?