John McCain: The Other, Dead White Meat

There's no getting around that, as far as political animals go, Barack Obama is an alpha lion. Last night’s roar is still reverberating through the media and blogosphere, and a lot of hands are wringing as Dems ponder what a McCain-Obama juxtaposition will look like during the lead-up to the general election. Especially after McCain’s comatose-inducing performance last night. Jesus, did you see it?

There’s no need to point out that the speech was horrible. (It’s already been done.) The man verbally shat himself in front of the whole country on live national television, and, around the 4:34 mark, took on the distinct appearance of a dementia-addled Senator Palpatine scheming against his nursing home overlords. The “speech” embarrassed every American—from right-wing Montana militiamen to anarcho-hippie sodomites—unfortunate enough to witness it. In that sense (and in that sense only) McCain can call himself a uniter.

So never mind the style and/or substance of the address: the more fascinating thing is that, while watching it unfold, you couldn’t help but notice that the alleged war hero embodies the Republican Party to a tee. He is the GOP, all the way down to his physical appearance: a once grand, not-to-be-fucked-with juggernaut reduced to a decrepit, teleprompter-gazing corpse.

Not that this is anything new. During the lead up to the Iowa caucuses back in January, we characterized McCain as a wounded antelope about to be ravaged by a pack of voracious scavengers. He successfully fended off the vultures.

But God help him when he steps into the ring with The Lion.