July 2008

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Digg War fought over John McCain YouTube clip

Filed under: The Internet Changed Everything

There's currently a Digg tug-of-war being fought between the McCain Brigade and Daily Kossacks.

It all started with a YouTube clip called, "The Commander in Chief Test."

When user jedreport originally posted it, it got lots of Diggs, and it deserved them. The clip is laugh-out-loud funny, whether you want to vote for Obama or not.

Then a bunch of pro-McCain diggers came along and used the X Bury button to suppress the clip.

Now it's back, and after you watch it, you can "digg it" here.

Updated and bumped (3:11PM): The McCain bury brigade buried this on digg despite getting 180 diggs in the first 2 hours. When will they ever learn? Anyway, you know what to do: please redigg and spread the word.

Update 2 (4:33PM): Wow. On the frontpage of digg in less than 90 minutes. Incredible!

Via jedreport's DailyKos diary.

Posted by Kevin Hoffman at July 29, 2008 6:37 PM | Comments (1)

 

Jon Voight takes break from stalking daughter Angelina Jolie, pens idiotic letter accusing Obama of being a false prophet

Filed under: Celebrity Endorsements

Jon Voight was once famous for being the bumpkin prostitute in Midnight Cowboy, but lately his only claim to fame has been producing the sperm that imparted half of Angelina Jolie's genetic gifts. And Voight has never let us forget it--he made numerous appearances talking about Angelina's pregnancy and state of health even when he was estranged from her and had less fresh gossip about her than the average Entertainment Tonight fan.

This is the man who decided to get up on a high horse about family values in Washington Times. In a letter published by the conservative rag, Voight accuses Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama of "sowing the seeds of socialism" in our youth and of being a messianic figure with feet of clay.

Voight begins his letter with an appeal to parenthood, which is a bit ridiculous in light of his own failure in that department:

We, as parents, are well aware of the importance of our teachers who teach and program our children. We also know how important it is for our children to play with good-thinking children growing up.

So what exactly is a "good-thinking child"? Someone who french kisses her brother on national TV?

Next Voight shows he knows absolutely nothing about the man he has come to bury:

Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger.

Unless those men were hanging out with Barry in Indonesia, he didn't "grow up" with them.

But never mind the facts, Voight has a vast leftwing conspiracy to expose:

The Democrats have targeted young people, knowing how easy it is to bring forth whatever is needed to program their minds.

So Voight is saying that young people, who have gotten heavily invested in the political process for the first time in decades, are victims of some sort of mind control? Like the Democratic Party is their Ratso Rizzo?

In conclusion, Voight writes:

This is a perilous time, and more than ever, the world needs a united and strong America. If, God forbid, we live to see Mr. Obama president, we will live through a socialist era that America has not seen before, and our country will be weakened in every way.

Yes, America will begin to resemble some kind of Hollywood star, going around adopting poor African kids and having lips that look like an inflatable pool toy.

Fuck you Jon Voight.

Posted by Kevin Hoffman at July 29, 2008 10:19 AM | Comments (3)

 

Bob Novak + Prince = Lyrical Gold

You've probably heard by now of conservative columnist/black-souled gremlin Bob Novak's, uh, run-in with a homeless pedestrian last week in D.C. (An accomplished fiction writer would be hard-pressed to conjure a more fitting metaphor.)

Jokesters over at Chicago's The Beachwood Reporter penned this little ditty about the ordeal. (Sung to the tune of Prince's "Little Red Corvette.")

I guess I shoulda known By the way you spout your nonsense That you'd hit-and-run

See you're the kinda person
Who drives fast at 10 a.m.
And hates pedestrians

I guess you had to run
cuz u had to meet with sources
Use them and also get used

But it was broad daylight
You were in plain sight
And the Prince of Darkness doesn't lose
And Bobby I say

Little black corvette
Bobby you're much 2 crass
Little black corvette
U need a source who's gonna last

I guess I shoulda closed my eyes
When u drove me 2 the place
Where your sources run free

cuz I felt a little ill
When I saw all the pictures
Of the sources who were there before me

Believe it or not
I started to worry
I wondered if I had enough crap

But it was broad daylight
I guess that makes it alright
And u say, baby, let's give the liberals gas
Oh yeah

Little black corvette
Bobby you're much 2 fast, yes u r
Little black corvette
U need 2 find a source who's gonna last

A reporter like you (a reporter like you)
Oughta be in jail (oughta be in jail)
cuz u verge on bein' obscene
(cuz u verge of bein' obscene)

Eat little babies (eat little babies)
Out secret agents (out secret agents)
And spread the lies of the Republican machine
(and spread the lies of the Republican machine)

Little black corvette
Bobby you're much 2 fast
Little black corvette
U need 2 find a source who's gonna last

Little black corvette
Honey u got 2 check facts (got 2 check facts)
Little black corvette
You whore yourself out for loads of cash
Little black corvette right in the ground

(little black corvette)
Write down what they want (honey u got 2 write down)
U, u, u got 2 write down (little black corvette)
You're schmoozing much 2 fast (2 fast)
U need 2 find a source who's gonna last

Boy, u got a racket like I never seen
And your rap . . .
I say your rap is so smooth
U should drive a limousine

Bobby you're much 2 fast
Little black corvette
U need a source, u need a source who's
Who's gonna last
(little black corvette)
U got 2 write down (u got 2 write down)
Little black corvette

cuz if u don't, cuz if u don't,
U gonna run your column right into the ground (right into the ground)
Right into the ground (right into the ground)
Right into the ground (right into the ground)

Little black corvette

Speaking of political figures/Twin Cities-spawned musical legends juxtapositions, here's independent candidate for Minnestoa's 3rd congressional district David Dillon's take on "Subterranean Homesick Blues." (Warning: if you're a hardcore Dylan fan, be prepared to throw up a little in your mouth.)

Posted by Matt Snyders at July 28, 2008 9:13 AM | Comments (0)

 

Don't be a stranger

Filed under: National Republicans

A handful of Republican candidates in some of the country's most competitive Senate races have so far decided against face time at the RNC in September, or so reports the National Journal:

Among those who will not attend are Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska, who is not close to presumptive presidential nominee Sen. John McCain of Arizona, and Sen. Susan Collins of Maine, who is a McCain loyalist. Stevens and Collins will use the convention week to focus on their campaigns.

Also sending regrets is former Rep. Bob Schaffer of Colorado, running for the seat being vacated by retiring GOP Sen. Wayne Allard.

Six others -- Sens. Roger Wicker of Mississippi, John Sununu of New Hampshire, Elizabeth Dole of North Carolina and Gordon Smith of Oregon and challengers John Kennedy of Louisiana and Rep. Steve Pearce of New Mexico are still on the fence. Their spokesman offered responses ranging from "there are no plans yet" to "no decisions have been made."

By contrast, most Democrats in those races are either planning to attend the party's late August convention in Denver or are leaning toward attending the event that will formally make Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois the party's nominee for president.

The Republican convention will be bookended by speeches from President Bush, whose low approval ratings have caused many candidates to keep him at arm's length, and McCain, who is still trying to mend fences with conservatives. But none of the absentees or potential no-shows is publicly citing Bush or McCain as the reason for their decisions.

I'm not sure if it's too late to submit candidates for the RNC theme song, but here's a suggestion to woo back those wandering hearts:

Posted by Jeff Severns Guntzel at July 25, 2008 1:21 PM | Comments (0)

 

PiPress outsources RNC coverage

Filed under: Media

The Pioneer Press has announced a handshake deal with news website Politico.com for RNC coverage. The Politico logo will be slapped onto the front page right next to that of the PiPress and Politico reporters will do the heavy lifting for somewhere in the neighborhood of several pages a day during convention week. There is a similar DNC arrangement with the Denver Post. PiPress Editor Thom Fladung explained the deal succinctly: "They are deeply sourced in DC."

More from the Editor & Publisher article:

Fladung said the Politico co-section will be the first section of the paper, with a second front page of non-convention news leading the second section.

"We have established partnerships with those papers that are more robust than anything I have ever known of," said Politico Editor-In-Chief John Harris ... "These are obviously big events for the hometown papers, so this gives them a first-rate national political team and gives us a platform for our journalism when the conventions are in town."

Politico, which launched in 2007, plans to send more than 30 staffers to each convention, but not publish a convention newspaper as many political and Washington, D.C. outlets do ... VandeHei said that his staffers will be working with Post and Pioneer Press journalists on a number of stories, as well as running content from the newspapers on the Politico.com site: "We are really coordinating coverage so we can offer people access."

Fladung said his paper has been working with Politico for months already on various campaign stories. He cited the Pioneer Press scoop that Barack Obama had planned to declare himself the Democratic nominee in St. Paul last month after wrapping up the required delegates. "We were the first in the nation to report it and they helped confirm it," he said.

That leaves, what, the good people at Powerline for the Strib?

Posted by Jeff Severns Guntzel at July 24, 2008 8:57 AM | Comments (0)

 

Elephant Photo Caption Contest

Filed under: Bullshit

This New York Times video still has to be the political photo of the week.

If not because of Mitt Romney's perfect Ken doll hair or McCain’s open-mouthed, ecstatic smile, then because the white backdrop almost makes the two executive branch wannabees look like they are in a mystical Republican Dreamland.

Why is it the Beauty School Drop Out scene from Grease comes to mind?

Never mind that, a photo like this, needs a caption!

Here’s what we like to think they are saying when the recorders are turned off.

"So you think my tan will lead to melanoma? Pretty funny, eh? Fuck you, John!"

"Actually, John, I'm trying to look like Brian Williams of NBC news."

"So a pro-choice Mormon walks into a bar..."

"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran!"

"I told you, that underwear is SACRED."

"Hey John, Have you heard the one about the catholic, the jew, and the colored boy who went to heaven?"

"Mock me for losing the primary again, and I'll flip a coin with your wife for her whole bankroll."

"Never mind about you taking over, I'm never going to die. I got a hundred more years."

"HA HA HA HA torture is so funny. Trust me, I've lived through it and America loves it!"

"What, you noticed my sparkling white teeth? Thanks John, I bleach them."

"Say you're pro choice again and I'll waterboard your ass."

As you can see, we desperately need your help. Post your ideas in the comments section below or send them to bwalton@citypages.com.

Here it is, one more time, for good measure:

Posted by Beth Walton at July 23, 2008 6:40 PM | Comments (1)

 

Oh, Dear Lord!

Filed under: Minnesota elections

Priscilla Lord Faris ain’t mincing words. She wants to debate the SNL comedian turned boring political guy who eats yogurt in the backseat of his car, Al Franken. She’s entered the race as an unendorsed Democratic candidate. And she thinks she'll be able to sneak out an election-day victory from the resin caked fingernails of Norm Coleman.

Citypages did an impromptu interview with the candidate:

So, why do you want to debate Franken so bad?

I think it is a good idea for candidates to look at all the issues closely. We need to talk about the war and extricating ourselves from it. There’s also the environment, reproductive rights, the treatment of women and minorities, the uncertainty of the economy and health care. We need to get those issues out on the table. Al and I have the same heart, but he has different ways of approaching things.

Okay, so what would come from a Faris-Franken debate?

I just think you would get what comes out of any debate. We must learn as much as we can. This is a different kind of election. It’s not a joke. Minnesotans must take this race very, very seriously. That’s why it is a compelling time to share knowledge and ideas with the electorate.

What about Norm Coleman?

Well, our debate would be aimed at Norm Coleman. We have very strong opinions. Norm has not delivered for Minnesotans. With two of us speaking out against him it would help the whole democratic ticket.

You think Franken can win?

Well, I do have some doubts. There are polls showing Franken 13 points behind. He’s had two years and millions of dollars to campaign. It would behoove anyone to look closely and see whether or not he could beat Norm Coleman.

So you don’t think Franken can win…

I jumped in to give the democrats another option. Franken is lagging. Any other candidate who wasn’t a "star" would have been asked to drop out if they had made the same errors that Franken made. I just think we need another option. That’s why I am taking a stand.

So you really think you can beat Coleman?

I sure do. I would get a lot of crossover vote. I can get enormous support, both from Republicans and real Minnesotan Democrats. Remember, I just jumped in a week ago. Franken’s position is falling. It’s not rocket science. Neither Coleman nor Franken have electrified the electorate.

What about hockey? That’s really all that matters? Right?

(laughs) I have an endorsement from one of the most famous and well respected hockey trainers, Jack Blatherwick. He’s very well known as an elite trainer for the USA hockey team. And Jack is building me a homemade lawn sign for the campaign.

Good, that last question wasn’t a joke.

For more information on the Faris’ [maybe] quixotic quest, check out her website.

Posted by Bradley Campbell at July 23, 2008 7:33 AM | Comments (1)

 

McCain to pick VP candidate this week?

Filed under: John McCain

The latest rumor from Robert Novak is that John McCain will select a running mate by the end of the week. The idea is to steal press from Barack Obama during his trip to the Middle East.

This timing is brought to you by the campaign staffers who thought it would be a good idea to upstage Obama's nomination oration with a speech by the, ahem, less-inspiring model. In terms of effectiveness, it'll be the political equivalent of "Chicks dig the long ball."

Heeeeey! We got Mitt Romney over here!

Posted by Jeff Shaw at July 22, 2008 6:19 AM | Comments (0)

 

Republicans Targeting Logo Abusers

Filed under: Republican National Committee

So you're thinking you might want to cash in on the Republican National Convention? Maybe cook up a few T-shirts and trinkets to sell to the thousands of visitors, using that odd little elephant/fire hydrant logo?

Official Elephant Logo
(For journalistic purposes only.
Please don't sue.)

Better think again. Politico reports that lawyers for the Republican National Committee have sent ominous letters to a California company, demanding that it stop selling T-shirts online that feature the official elephant logo. The RNC's "cease and desist" actions have raised interesting legal questions about free speech versus trademark laws, Politico reports.

Entrepreneurs apparently can get around the trademark troubles by designing a modified logo. "If you want to say 'GOP' and design an elephant that's ... not precisely the same as ours, that's fine," RNC chief counsel Sean Cairncross told Politico.

Ironically, legal experts say the RNC may have a much harder time stopping the sale of T-shirts criticizing Republicans than T-shirts that are favorable. Anti-Republican merchandise could be considered parody, which is specifically exempt from trademark rules.

But then, who in Minnesota would want to criticize Republicans during their convention? That would be rude.

Posted by Matt Smith at July 17, 2008 3:10 PM | Comments (4)

 

Activists: new RNC police policies too watered down

Filed under: Republican National Convention

By Andy Mannix

Minneapolis police say they have no intentions of using rubber bullets as crowd control during the Republican Nation Convention. But if they change their minds, it will be all right with the city council.

On June 20th, the city council passed a resolution that set new policies for Minneapolis police to follow during public assemblies and mass demonstrations. They also voted that it supersede the past policies, which were created after a protest at an International Society for Animal Genetics meeting in 2000 where more than 65 protesters were arrested. Ward 2 city councilmen Cam Gordon proposed an amendment to the new resolution that would restrict Minneapolis police from using rubber bullets, limit the use of tear gas or pepper spray and bar the targeting of activists. All of the eight clauses in the amendment were taken from the 2000 resolution, and were policy in Minneapolis before June 20th.

The city council sent Gordon's amendment back to the Public Safety and Regulatory Services committee to be voted on after further discussion.

In a move that appalled activists who came to show their support for Gordon's motion, Gordon proposed a vastly reconstructed version of the amendment to the committee Wednesday. The new version, which many complained was watered down with vague and bureaucratic language, is absent of restrictions against rubber bullets or the targeting of activists.

Though the amendment passed, and will move onto the city council with the committee's recommendation, many activists and future RNC demonstrators present at the meeting refused to call the day a victory.

The biggest issue most who were present had with the new resolution was that it left out a ban on rubber bullets.

“If they think rubber bullets are so safe, then why don't they try them out on themselves?” Michael Letkowitz of Youth Against War and Racism protested.

About 15 people demonstrated against the use of rubber bullets by waving signs with graphic images of people who have been severely injured by rubber bullets in the past.

Minneapolis police spokesman Sgt. Jesse Garcia said Minneapolis police do not use rubber bullets and do not have intentions of doing so in the future.

But for Michelle Gross, president of Communities United Against Police Brutality, this isn't good enough.

“The point isn't whether or not they're going to actually use them,” Gross said. “The point is that they shouldn't be able to.” -- Andy Mannix

FULL TEXT OF THE AMENDMENTS

Amendment proposed June 20, 2008:

25. That MPD presence will be commensurate to the size of public assemblies to avoid an intimidatory or chilling effect on First Amendment rights.

26. That medical attention must be given immediately to those who require it.

27. That MPD officers will not use pepper spray, tear gas or similar substances except in situations justifying the use of force.

28. That the MPD will not use plastic bullets, and will use projectiles other than plastic bullets only in situations justifying the use of force.

29. That MPD officers will not target demonstration organizers or compile political dossiers.

30. That the MPD will not harass journalists, camera people, legal observers and others not engaged in demonstrating.

31. That MPD officers will not confiscate videotapes, film, and other recording materials.

32. That bail release provisions must be constitutionally valid. For example, restrictions on travel, legal contact with merchants, union members and government officials cannot be a condition of release.

Amendment proposed to the Public Safety and Regulatory Services Committee July 16, 2008:

25. That MPD presence at public assemblies will be based on legitimate public safety concerns and not be based upon intent to chill First Amendment rights.

26. In concurrence with state law, and city ordinance, MPD officers will not use pepper spray, tear gas, or similar substances, or projectiles except in situations where the use of force is reasonable.

27. That MPD officers shall not confiscate, destroy or tamper with cameras or other recording devises being used to document public assembly activities or MPD enforcement actions. This shall not apply to situations in which a) cameras or recording devices are to be used as evidence, or b) MPD officers arrest an individual in possession of cameras or recording devices.

Posted by Jeff Shaw at July 16, 2008 5:03 PM | Comments (1)

 

City council to vote on rubber bullet ban, other limits on police power during RNC

Filed under: Republican National Convention

By Andy Mannix

The restrictions on force that Minneapolis police will have to abide by when dealing with protesters during the Republican National Convention and beyond could rest heavily on the outcome of a vote by the Minneapolis City Council's Regulatory Services and Public Safety Committee Wednesday.

The committee will determine if eight amendments should be added to a resolution passed by the City Council on June 20th that put in place new policies for police to follow during public assemblies. The amendments would prohibit Minneapolis police from using rubber bullets, targeting or compiling dossiers on activists, harassing journalists or other legal bystanders, confiscating video or other recording devices and resorting to the use of substances such as tear gas or pepper spray “except in situations justifying the use of force.”

All of the amendments are derived from a resolution passed in 2000 following the arrest of about 65 protesters at a Minneapolis International Society for Animal Genetics meeting, and they stood as policy until the City Council voted in June for the new resolution to supersede them.

Cam Gordon, Ward 2 City Councilman and proposer of the amendments, said the new resolution is, as a whole, more thorough and clear than the former, but he wanted to make sure the City Council wasn't hastily leaving out anything important.

“I wanted us to have thoughtfully considered these things that we were repealing and taking away and superseding with the new ordinance,” Gordon said. “These seem like some protections that got put in there for a reason in 2000, and the council was taking them away without giving them some consideration.”

Gordon proposed the amendments to the resolution in June, and the council referred his motion back to the Regulatory Services and Public Safety Committee. If it passes Wednesday, the motion will go back to the city council for a final vote. Gordon was not optimistic that all eight amendments will make it.

He will, however, have the support of many activists groups from around the city, and maybe even the country.

Michelle Gross, President of Communities United Against Police Brutality, said she has received calls from sympathizers nationwide that plan to join her in City Hall Wednesday in supporting Gordon's proposal. For Gross, the biggest issue with the resolution as it stands is the absence of clear and stringent restrictions on the use of rubber bullets.

“The council voted to get rid of the protections against use of rubber bullets, and they did it without even asking the community,” she said. “We fought really hard for that back in 2000. To me it’s crazy that they would jettison something that was important to the community at the time that the Republican National Convention is coming.”

Minneapolis Police spokesman Sgt. Jesse Garcia said Wednesday’s vote won’t change much for Minneapolis police either way, as most of what’s included in it is already standard practice in the department. The use of rubber bullets, for example, are equivalent to “using a horse and buggy,” Garcia said.

“It’s just something that’s not applicable in this day and age,” he said. “There’s better, newer things that are available.”

“We’re still going to have a job to do, and we’ll deal with protestors a certain way if things get out of hand, but for the most part a lot of these things are things we already have in place.”

The meeting will begin at 1:00 p.m. in room 317 of City Hall. -- Andy Mannix

MORE INFORMATION

* City Pages' story about the ISAG protest

* Excerpt from City Council proceedings in 2000 when the original resolution passed. Download Word file.

* Excerpt from the June 2008 resolution that supersedes the former, including Cam Gordon’s proposed amendments in full. Download Word file.

Posted by Jeff Shaw at July 15, 2008 3:14 PM | Comments (3)

 

Future New Yorker covers not about Obama

Filed under: Barack Obama

The latest issue of the New Yorker has a controversial cover that Barack Obama's campaign -- and even a few Republicans -- call "tasteless." The image is intended to satirize right-wing attacks on Obama, portraying he and his wife as flag-burning terrorists that are, at least in Michelle Obama's case, heavily armed.

Defenders of the cover say it's parody. Opponents say it feeds right into a vicious and fact-free smear narrative.

Our own James Norton, who knows something about parody, has a new piece at Flak Magazine identifying other potential satirical covers for future New Yorker issues.

One example:

New Yorker cover, 07/28/08: JEW DIVES INTO DUMPSTER FOR PENNY

Oh, well, not a big deal. Yes, the Jew has a big nose, and is joined by several swarthy-looking, overweight Jew friends as they dive into a garbage-filled dumpster in search of a penny that has fallen from a bag on a nearby fire escape clearly labeled "pennies." The great thing about this illustration is that it gets you into the head of an anti-Semite, and says: "Look how ridiculous this is." Nobody would jump into a dumpster these days for just a penny.

That gives you some idea of Norton's take. The items pull no punches, that's for sure.

Posted by Jeff Shaw at July 15, 2008 9:50 AM | Comments (0)

 

Protesters are more welcomed by the Republicans than the Democrats when it comes convention time

Filed under: Republican National Convention

With all this talk about free speech and fair assembly in Minnesota this year, Time Magazine took its piece of the convention coverage pie and reported Sunday that ironically, protesters in Denver will be pushed much farther away from convention-goers, than those in St. Paul.

Apparently, Democratic lawmakers in Denver are having the same struggle as the left-leaning lawmakers here.

Some 50,000 protesters will gather in Denver August 25-28 at a "fenced in portion of "Parking Lot A," several football-field lengths away from the Pepsi Center, the main spot for the Democratic Convention. According to Time:

Under current plans, the arrangements for protesters in St. Paul appear to provide protesters with closer access to the entrance of the convention hall than Denver, where the arena is buffered from the protest area by hundreds of meters of parking lots, some of which may be filled with media trailers. "People will be considerably closer in St. Paul," said Mark Silverstein, an attorney with the Colorado ACLU, who is helping to lead the litigation there.

With just weeks until the Democrats convene, dissenters are criticizing the city's Democratic Mayor's office due in part to Barack Obama's recent decision to hold his speech in a separate football stadium. "They want to look like they are the party of the people," said Glenn Spagnuolo to Time, a law student who is helping to organize a group that plans to march on the Democratic convention. "And they don't want the public to see these protests."

Attorneys in both cities have filed motions in federal court arguing regulations on free speech fall short of the constitution. This week, U.S. District Judge Joan Ericksen in Minneapolis plans to rule on a petition to expand the route and march time of dissenters. U.S. District Judge Marcia S. Krieger has planned a July 29 hearing to review march routes and demonstrations in Denver.

Both St. Paul and Denver have announced plans to restrict marches to certain hours during the middle of the day, before delegates are likely to arrive at the convention halls. "The question is whether we are going to be marching to an empty building," says Bob Hennessey, an attorney at Linquist and Vennum, who is representing the St. Paul coalition. ...

Despite having greater access, people in St. Paul complain that because the designated protest area is a triangle with the tip culminating at the convention all, there is a risk of people vying for the same spot. "What if you have different groups with different political aims and desires?" asks Chris Sur in the article. Sur is an attorney with the Maslon law firm, who is representing protesters in negotiations with the St. Paul. "What if they are all fighting for one access point?"

Posted by Beth Walton at July 14, 2008 10:56 AM | Comments (4)

 

Well shoot, Barack… this is uncalled for.

Filed under: Barack Obama

Dude, Barack, I know you're working on becoming the world’s most adored man among twenty-sumptins. But this is uncalled for. I wake up in the morning and get an email from your campaign manager, David Plouffe, informing of this very important news:

Bradley -- I wanted you to be the first to hear the news… Barack has made it clear that this is your convention, not his.

My convention?!

Now, Barack, this could pose some problems. I’m kinda registered as an Independent. And I only joined your email list to cover your acceptance speech in St. Paul. So this offer is pretty unexpected. You caught me off guard. But I just want you to know how excited I am about the offer. I mean… I haven’t been this happy since Lucky Charms introduced red balloon marshmallows into their cereal. This is fantastic. Maybe I could invite the Decemberists to play? I hear they like Democrats.

And if this wasn’t enough, you go and pull an Ed McMahon, you svelte looking prize dealer you:

If you make a donation of $5 or more between now and midnight on July 31st, you could be one of 10 supporters chosen to fly to Denver and spend two days and nights at the convention, meet Barack backstage, and watch his acceptance speech in person. Each of the ten supporters who are selected will be able to bring one guest to join them.

Barack, is the Merv Griffin family one of your backers? It’s totally okay if they are. And if this is true, you can tell me, too. I can keep secrets. I am a journalist.

Anyways, I also liked the end of the message. It was pretty cool. How did y’all know I love me some chain letters…

We'll follow up with more details on this and other convention activities as we get closer, but please take a moment and pass this note to someone you know who might like to be there.

This whole thing is too much to handle. The entire convention is on my behalf; I can enter into a prize package vacation and then offer the same things to my friends. Barack, you rock.

But it still leaves me with one question: If I don’t pass the email on, will that give me two years bad luck?

Hope not.

-Your humble objective journalist.

Posted by Bradley Campbell at July 7, 2008 4:21 PM | Comments (2)

 

G-Paw doesn't scrapbook

Filed under: Gov. Pawlenty

Uh-oh, looks like Gov. Tim Pawlenty is following the Cheney style of public transparency. News came out Sunday that G-Paw hasn’t released a single record to the state archives. He also destroys emails. It’s sort of like the kid who didn’t show his notes on the math exam, telling the teacher she really only needed to see his answers, cause that’s all that matters…

Pawlenty's administration cites a 40-year-old Minnesota Supreme Court decision to justify retaining only records of final decisions -- not e-mails or paperwork detailing how decisions were made…Under that policy, many of the e-mails about the Interstate 35W bridge collapse could have been destroyed had they not been ordered preserved by the attorney general.

On a side note, his behavior is similar to DNC Chairman Howard Dean, who infamously released his records in 2003 on the condition they stay sealed for a decade. We didn’t realize that the former Vermont Governor was a fan of Andy Warhol.

Still, the best was a letter G-Paw’s talking head, Paula Brown, sent out to staff explaining the need to delete. She wrote that trashing emails “helps us maintain efficient use of our technology resources, control overhead costs, work more efficiently and reduce clutter."

Dang. That quote smells like Nixon aftershave, a scent worn by Bill Clinton, and most recently, the entire executive branch. But Brown does have a point: state archives are sooo boring, and their upkeep is spendy. Plus, all those papers and books smell funny, like the bed sheets in your cousin’s basement. So following her logic, the G-Paw administration is helping out the state. Thanks, guys!

Posted by Bradley Campbell at July 7, 2008 12:22 PM | Comments (0)

 

Heterosexual governor of Florida to marry a woman

Filed under: Charlie Crist

The news, which supports the hypothesis that longtime bachelor Charlie Crist is not and has never been a Gay American, could negatively affect Tim Pawlenty's chances of being named John McCain's running mate.

Crist and Pawlenty, in case you've been living in a cave, are among a handful of Republican leaders viewed by pundits as comprising the first tier of likely running mates to join forces with Sen. John McCain in his bid for the presidency.

Each has his strengths and weaknesses. Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, the youthful governor of Louisiana, for instance, has dark skin, which could help appeal to minority voters. But he's also an unabashed creationist, which analysts note could hurt him among the pro-fossil segment of the electorate.

Pawlenty, of course, has a lot going for him: he's a longtime McCain backer, has burnished his reputation as a starve-the-beast hater of redistribution of wealth, and exudes a certain folksy charm. On the downside, he comes from a relatively small and electorally insignificant state and, said charm notwithstanding, has periodically shown himself to be a vindictive asshole.

For his part, Crist's biggest strength is his job. As governor of Florida, he's seen as key in delivering the mother of all swing states to the Republicans. But he's also been legally single for nearly 30 years, and rumors have long swirled that, while he may not be a homosexual, he makes a habit of fucking dudes. A thoroughly-reported 2006 article by Bob Norman in Broward-Palm Beach New Times explores these rumors, and specifically allegations that Crist had sex with two men in particular. Norman's conclusion?

"There's no proof, just the ring of truth."

In this context, Crist's gambit of marrying a certified female named Carole Rome, who at age 38 is 13 years his junior, can reasonably seen as an attempt to shed his image of a man who has sex with other men.

Pawlenty, though he recently made light of his own lackluster sex life, has never been linked with other men's penises. And while we encourage Pawlenty to stare down his political weaknesses as a would-be VP candidate, we're kind of at a loss. Either he has to stop acting like the big bully of his backwater playground, or else he needs to find a way to get Minnesota another 20 or so electoral votes. These seem about equally likely.

Bottom line: McCain-Crist just got a little more likely.

N.B. If you want to get on us for bringing sexual orientation into this, save it. We believe what Bob Norman believes, which he puts succinctly enough:

[A]ny closeted politician in the Republican Party — which openly woos homophobes into its ranks while opposing gay rights — is fair game for the media.

Posted by Jonathan Kaminsky at July 7, 2008 12:02 AM | Comments (4)

 

RNC host committee recruits steroid user to lecture us about Minnesota Nice

Filed under: Gaffes

The Minneapolis Saint Paul 2008 Host Committee has just released a Public Service Announcement by Mr. Kennedy, a World Wrestling Entertainment superstar who was recently suspended for 30 days for steroid use.

In the PSA, which you can view here, Mr. Kennedy urges locals to support the Republican National Convention. "Let's show everyone what Minnesota Nice really means," Mr. Kennedy says.

Mr. Kennedy, AKA Kenneth Anderson, was born in Minneapolis and went to high school in Wisconsin. He worked his way through smaller wrestling promotions before getting his shot at the big time in the WWE. He was a popular heel with excellent mic skills and an arrogant persona who paid homage to his upbringing with two of his finishing moves, "the Green Bay Meatpacker" and the "Green Bay Plunge." But last year he was suspended for 30 days after testing positive for steroids. Here's how Wikipedia summarizes Mr. Kennedy's involvement in the scandal:

On August 18, 2007, Anderson gave an interview where he admitted to using steroids when he was on the independent wrestling scene, saying he quit the steroids in November 2005 because of the WWE Wellness Policy and that his job in WWE was worth more than an extra ten pounds of muscle mass. Twelve days later, on August 30, Anderson's statements were shown to be factually incorrect when he, along with nine other WWE superstars, were named in a Sports Illustrated article for being given illegal steroids not in compliance with the WWE Talent Wellness Program. Kennedy received anastrozole, somatropin, and testosterone between October 2006 and February 2007. Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Brian Adams were also discovered to have been given steroids prior to their death during this investigation, as well as former superstar Sylvain Grenier. Anderson later claimed that the steroids were for a legitimate medical reason, saying that they were from when he tore his lat muscle in 2005

Here is Mr. Kennedy in his own words claiming the steroids were for a legitimate medical reason:

I had been receiving medication because I had been injured," he says. "I went to the doctor and my levels of testosterone were low, so he prescribed medication. At no point did I ever go out and buy drugs on an Internet pharmacy. My doctor went on the Internet. I had no idea where they were coming from."

(It is abnormal for a man Kennedy's age to have low testosterone).

"Look at me. I'm not a big jacked-up guy. In small doses, they can be good for you. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I will never make that mistake again. It was a rough part in my life. It sucked being suspended."

We left several messages with MSP 2008 spokeswoman Teresa McFarland on Wednesday, but did not hear back. We wanted to know: Was the host committee aware of Mr. Kennedy's history of steroid use at the time he was asked to do the PSA? And were they concerned it might send the wrong message to kids? We'll update this post if we get the answers.

Posted by Kevin Hoffman at July 2, 2008 9:38 PM | Comments (8)

 

Big Bet Politics: what craps and poker say about McCain and Obama

Filed under: John McCain

God, Albert Einstein said, does not play dice with the universe. All due respect, recent scientific advances show that it isn't whether the Creator does in fact allow chaos to dance with order, and the question isn't whether life is a gamble but how.

Whether or not the deity plays dice, John McCain does. At 14 hours a stretch.

Why should you care? Because all life is risk. It's how we take risks, the time and manner of the chances we take. How you gamble says a lot about you, because the decisions you make while gambling are often metaphors for the way you approach life. This is particularly true in the case of the two major-party presidential candidates, whose games of choice speak volumes about who they are.

Ever wonder why you never see them tear down a casino -- except to build a bigger casino? The answer is math.

Whenever your risk your money, you should ask yourself if the gamble is an overall winning decision. Statisticians and gambling nerds call these calculations expected value calculations.

The idea is to find out if you were to take an action 1,000 times, would you have a positive expectation or a negative expectation? Sometimes you'll win while making a wager, and sometimes, you'll lose. The challenge is finding out how often you'll win, how much, and whether the risk is worth it. The answer for almost every table game is no.

In craps, the decision that gets you the highest expected value is walking away from the table before you roll the dice. If you play the game long enough -- this is also true of slots, or virtually any other pit game -- you will go broke. It is a mathematical certainty.

That's because the house figures in an edge for itself on every wager. For every dollar you bet in a casino pit game, you stand to gain less than a dollar over the long term. Over the short term, you might win. In the long haul, your wallet will become ever-lighter as the casino builds a new wing.

Naturally, craps is McCain's chosen addiction.

McCain is an avid gambler. Wes Gullett, a close friend who worked for McCain for years, told me that they used to play craps in Las Vegas in fourteen-hour stints, standing at the tables from 10 a.m. to midnight. “Craps is addictive,” McCain remarked, and he headed for the fifteen-dollar-minimum-bet tables. At the most obvious level, the game is incredibly simple—players rotate turns throwing the dice, and you either win or lose depending on what number comes up. But McCain’s betting formula makes it much more complicated. “Uh-oh!” he cried, as a player accidentally threw the dice off the table. “This is a very, very superstitious game,” he said.

Call it superstition or a system, you keep throwing those dice, you're going to lose money. There are only two games in a typical casino where, over the long term, you can turn a profit. One is blackjack, if you can count cards effectively and find a casino where they've never heard of the MIT blackjack team.

The other is the game of choice for McCain's Democratic rival, Barack Obama.

Obama plays poker. Significantly, the popular card game is the only common casino enterprise where you don't play against the house. You play against other players, and over the long term the money migrates from the lesser players to those who are more skilled.

The house makes its money from the rake -- a small percentage taken out of every pot -- so the casino's edge doesn't make long-term profit impossible for every player. As long as your skill level is enough to overcome the rake's disadvantage, you can show a profit. The casino gets to keep building ever-larger additions, and the successful card shark makes cash.

Everybody wins, except the losing players. This is why it's possible for there to be a steady population of professional poker players, but never any pro dice shooters or slot junkies. This isn't to say it's easy. Most people who play lose money at poker. But rare people are able to excel, and even Obama's Republican colleagues from Illinois -- no fans of his politics -- have praise for his skills.

For summary comparison purposes: Barack Obama plays one of the only games it's possible to win at; plays it in a way that avoids negative expected value; and by all accounts, plays it pretty well.

John McCain is intensely dedicated to a game that is expensive to play, consumes inordinate amounts of time, and is mathematically impossible to win over the long term. He takes this gamble, relying on superstition and hope, while the cold and brutal realities of inevitable collapse breathe chills down his unsuspecting back.

You may want to take this as a metaphor for his emphatic endorsement of Republican foreign policy towards Iraq. You may want to take this as an allegory for his decision-making processes generally. Or you may want to blow it off, figuring McCain is just a super-rich guy who doesn't mind dusting off a fat wad of cash playing a game it's impossible to win.

Which might even be true. But I wouldn't want to bet on it.

Posted by Jeff Shaw at July 1, 2008 12:06 PM | Comments (5)

 

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