Well shoot, Barack… this is uncalled for.

Dude, Barack, I know you're working on becoming the world’s most adored man among twenty-sumptins. But this is uncalled for. I wake up in the morning and get an email from your campaign manager, David Plouffe, informing of this very important news:

Bradley -- I wanted you to be the first to hear the news… Barack has made it clear that this is your convention, not his.

My convention?!

Now, Barack, this could pose some problems. I’m kinda registered as an Independent. And I only joined your email list to cover your acceptance speech in St. Paul. So this offer is pretty unexpected. You caught me off guard. But I just want you to know how excited I am about the offer. I mean… I haven’t been this happy since Lucky Charms introduced red balloon marshmallows into their cereal. This is fantastic. Maybe I could invite the Decemberists to play? I hear they like Democrats.

And if this wasn’t enough, you go and pull an Ed McMahon, you svelte looking prize dealer you:

If you make a donation of $5 or more between now and midnight on July 31st, you could be one of 10 supporters chosen to fly to Denver and spend two days and nights at the convention, meet Barack backstage, and watch his acceptance speech in person. Each of the ten supporters who are selected will be able to bring one guest to join them.

Barack, is the Merv Griffin family one of your backers? It’s totally okay if they are. And if this is true, you can tell me, too. I can keep secrets. I am a journalist.

Anyways, I also liked the end of the message. It was pretty cool. How did y’all know I love me some chain letters…

We'll follow up with more details on this and other convention activities as we get closer, but please take a moment and pass this note to someone you know who might like to be there.

This whole thing is too much to handle. The entire convention is on my behalf; I can enter into a prize package vacation and then offer the same things to my friends. Barack, you rock.

But it still leaves me with one question: If I don’t pass the email on, will that give me two years bad luck?

Hope not.

-Your humble objective journalist.