A kept man: McCain's wife owns so many houses, he can't remember them all

Categories: John McCain

John McCain often uses the "I can't remember, I'll have my people get back to you" dodge. The most notable time was when he was asked how he voted on women's birth control. He barely got away with that one--his squirming and discomfort could be chalked up to an old man being asked about girl parts--but now he's gone to the well once too often and got caught in a truly ridiculous Senior Moment.

It turns out McCain--the man who wants to be President of the United States, Commander in Chief, and leader of our country--does not even know how many houses he and his wife own.

"I think — I'll have my staff get to you," McCain told Politico in Las Cruces, N.M. "It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you."

It turns out the answer is seven, worth a total of $13 million.

Now, it's no secret that McCain is a kept man. After escaping the tiger cage, he threw over his old wife--who had been disfigured in a terrible car crash in his absence--in favor of the new model. Here's the McCain wife that didn't get to look pretty on the cover of Newsweek.

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Today, she stands at just 5ft4in and still walks awkwardly, with a pronounced limp. Her body is held together by screws and metal plates and, at 70, her face is worn by wrinkles that speak of decades of silent suffering.

In addition to not being disfigured, Cindy also had the advantage of being fabulously wealthy:

Republican Sen. John McCain's family wealth is almost exclusively held by his wife, Cindy. An heiress to a major beer distribution company, Cindy McCain has several trust funds, money markets and other accounts, some more than $1 million.

So it's natural that McCain, being a kept man, can't be trifled with a little thing like remembering how many houses he owns. Nor can he specify which one holds the vault of gold dubloons that he swims through during his morning constitutionals, a la Scrooge McDuck.

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Scrooge McDuck makes it rain on dem ho's.

Of course, there's a reason why McCain would want to keep his wealth hush hush. Maybe you've heard, but a lot of people in this country actually think there's some sort of "recession" and are whining about it:

Senator John McCain has spent the week trying to tell people that he feels their economic pain. So it was more than a little unhelpful when one of his top economic advisers was quoted Thursday as saying that the United States was only in a “mental recession” and that it had become a “nation of whiners.”

McCain can't quite wrap his mind around the foreclosure crisis--why don't they just move into one of their other six houses? he wonders.

The Obama campaign has packed all this into a tidy 30 second package, which you can watch here:

Feeling like the video, even at 30 seconds, was not quite succinct enough, I have re-edited it to boil it down to a three-second clip:

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