What does Hillary Clinton have to do to get you to vote for Obama?

Categories: Hillary Clinton

A day later, Hillary Clinton's stirring endorsement of Barack Obama is still the talk of Denver. Remarkably, some in the press and some recalcitrant Clinton backers are still clinging to the idea that this is somehow a sham. She didn't go far enough, a noisy few are saying.

To which I say: What does Hillary have to do to convince you? Defeated candidates don't have the endorse the nominee -- she did. They don't have to campaign for the nominee -- she did. And then after all of that, under enormous pressure to be all things to all people, she gave an impassioned and moving speech full of grace at a pivotal time. She went above and beyond what might have been expected even of a president, let alone someone in her position. Clinton was warm, fiery, gracious, and inclusive.

And the response is, "Well she didn't say Obama was qualified to be the pope, raise the dead, and turn sewer water into fine cologne."

Senator Clinton often consults with City Pages for image advice. And I have it on good authority that she has had it with this sentiment. She's willing to go that extra mile to convince you that she really, really means it. Here are three things she is willing to do for you.

3. Send Bill over to wash your car.
He's served as the proud and supportive spouse on the campaign trail. Now, since Hilary's done all the heavy lifting up to this point, Bill can take the lumps. If you are a Clinton supporter that is still unsure of whether to vote for Barack Obama, Bill Clinton will come over and wash your car. One car per family. Offer void if Bill is to joined by bikini-clad fellow washers.

2. Be on retainer to provide free legal advice for all 18 million Clinton voters.
Before she was a brilliant senator, Clinton was a brilliant lawyer. Vote for Barack Obama? Hillary Clinton will be on call for you. How about she serves as your personal attorney? Say goodbye to that DUI and hello to successful tort judgments against your enemies! Supplying pro bono legal aid would also bolster her credentials for a Supreme Court appointment by President Obama.

1. Serve as celebrity bartender at your block party.
The New York senator will make boilermakers. Boilermakers for everyone! She will not, however, bake you any goddamn cookies.


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