Here fishy fishy fishy...

Photo courtesty of StarTribune.com

From Bemidji.ORG:

Bemidji is taken from the Ojibwe name Bay-may-ji-ga-maug, means "a lake with crossing waters." Settled in the late 1800's, Bemidji became an important commercial center by the turn of the century. The judicial seat of Beltrami County, Bemidji is also home to State & Federal area offices.

It's tragic to see the sun begin to crack the horizon of a frozen lake at 6 (six) AM on a Saturday morning, knowing that in more than 4, but less than 6 hours, one of your "friends" is going to come shake you out of your 100th dream about Jennifer Garner and tell you, "it's time to go." Having beaten the night--yes, one more time--you realize you have either made a fatal mistake or taken a calculated risk in your preparations to drill 24 inch holes through solid ice, over 25 feet of water, on the off chance some half dormant fish are going to swim by and take a shot at your frost bitten bait.

However, if you have the proper attire, and the sun is shining, 10 below is patty cake, as long as there's no wind. It's important, at these times, to charge up your tapioca-in-a-can, handcrank radio, and tune it to an AM classic country station, or something with 24 hours of dry news. Coaxing perch, walleye, and pike out of a cold dark hole is a monumental task sometimes, and a fine mixture of the harsh realities of George and Tammy with cold hard news--high school hockey scores and massively incorrect weather reports--is typically the first order of business.

If you're smart, you'll be sure to bring along a group "scout master." When it comes to ice fishing, I can't find my ass with two hands and a flashlight, unless I have a little help. Everybody needs at least one guy in the group who figures out that if you hook a crappie minnow through the tail with a jigging spoon, then pinch off its head, and lightly jig it between 6 inches and 2 feet off the bottom of 20-25 foot deep water, the fish will start biting. This knowledge usually erupts from the furthest hole, downwind from the truck where all the gear is. No one questions the "scout master," because if they do, then they're rewarded with a skunking as the sun sets and the wind picks up. Getting skunked at ice fishing is like being the only 17 year old boy at a high school slumber party and leaving the next morning after getting a good night's sleep. All you are is cold and alone, and usually, whoever is with you is pointing and laughing.

One last point about ice fishing: if it's past 3 (three) AM, and you have buddies who aren't bluffing, but all the same staying on non-suited cards like 3-9, and still making two pair, 3 of a kind, or full houses, just go all in on the next hand and get out of there. Over the long run, this "gutsy" play will catch up with them; take solace in your 8 lunch size perch and one walleye, and leave the cards to the warm and overconfident.

Almost forgot...no ice fishing trip would be complete without retelling the best joke told all weekend:

Q. How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Just one, but it takes 3 Pediatricians to get it out.