The Weekly Country Curmudgeon

Photo in spite of CMT.com. I don't know who it is, but supposedly they're a "country" band

When stuck for something to write about, log onto CMT.com, and look for one of their lists to shred. It's great fun for the whole family. Here's their list, which they broke into 3 parts for 3 shows, of the 40 Greatest Men in Country Music:

40. Travis Tritt
39. Dwight Yoakam
38. Gene Autry
37. Ricky Skaggs
36. Toby Keith
35. Mel Tillis
34. The Eagles
33. Jimmie Rodgers
32. Charlie Daniels
31. Lefty Frizzell
30. Ronnie Milsap
29. Glen Campbell
28. Chet Atkins
27. Bob Wills
26. Tim McGraw
25. Brooks & Dunn
24. Flatt & Scruggs
23. Roger Miller
22. Eddy Arnold
21. Ernest Tubb
20. Hank Williams Jr.
19. Kenny Rogers
18. Charley Pride
17. Vince Gill
16. Bill Monroe
15. Elvis Presley
14. Roy Acuff
13. Randy Travis
12. Buck Owens
11. Alabama
10. Alan Jackson
9. George Strait
8. Conway Twitty
7. Garth Brooks
6. Merle Haggard
5. Waylon Jennings
4. Willie Nelson
3. George Jones
2. Hank Williams
1. Johnny Cash

Putting Garth Brooks ahead of Buck Owens, Bill Monroe, and Jimmie Rodgers is like putting someone who writes a computer virus ahead of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds. That being said, outside the people who are obviously on this list because of record sales, the thing as a whole has its moments. Watching the episodes themselves can be very painful, though. There's just too much makeup and meaningless blurbs, and a good deal of the commentary is from people who I think suck, so it's hard for me to respect their opinions. Hey, I never said I wasn't a very small man about this stuff.

Jack's Top Twenty Greatest Men of Country Music:

20. Gram Parsons
His drive and energy put Country rock on the map, invented the Cosmic Cowboy, died stoned, cremated in a secret ceremony in the desert.
19. Ricky Skaggs
Carrying the torch for crazy ass hillbilly pickers today.
18. Vince Gill
One of the few modern Nashville guys who can do it all, without the wardrobe, 6-pack abs, and stylist.
17. Buddy Holly
The Godfather of everything that came out of West Texas.
16. Bob Dylan
Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, yada yada yada, Bob Dylan this, Bob Dylan that.
15. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards (with help from Ry Cooder)
In the early 70's, reminded everyone what "honky" meant.
14. Emmitt Miller
The original crazy ass yelping cracker.
13. Ernest Tubb
The eternal host of the big Country music party.
12. Bob Wills
Made Country respectable with all the radio squares and jazz hipsters.
11. Charley Pride
Had 3 or 4 hit singles before his record company admitted he was black. I'm ashamed I haven't paid more respect to what he did.
10. Jimmie Rodgers
The Singing Brakeman, the first famous cracker.
9. Bill Monroe
Invented Blue Grass, res ipsa loquitur.
8. Jeff Tweedy and Jay Farrar
The best Country songwriting and performing team of the 90's
7. Buck Owens (and Don Rich)
The great fuser of musical styles, if Tubb is the eternal host of the big Country music party, Buck Owens is the lead performer. Don't forget his musical genius prodigy, Don Rich, the inspiration of the operation.
6. Merle Haggard
A Country music performer's performer. A lot of people love Merle, but if you ask singer-songwriters who their influences are, Merle's on more lists than most.
5. Waylon Jennings
The original Outlaw.
4. George Jones
The biggest cracker of them all.
3. Willie Nelson
My favorite of all time. The great deconstructor of the art form.
2. Johnny Cash
The very spirit of Country music.
1. Hank Williams
The vortex of Country music...it all came together in a flash in him, and it all subsequently flowed from him. End of sentence, period, end quotes, end of paragraph.

Perfesser Al's "Jack Fucked up the top 2" Top 20 Men of Country Music List

20. Garth Brooks
I don't have an issue with Garth, at least earlier in his career. My issue is with all the music execs who then thought everyone should be Garth. "Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)" ranks as one of the best country songs of the '80s. One any songwriter would be proud of. (I call this my confound Jack or "don't argue with success" pick).
19. Steve Earle
If I have to have an alt-country-ish pick here (and I do) then this is the one.
18. Jimmie Rodgers
At least CMT put him higher than Toby Keith.
17. Chet Akins
Re-invented Nashville the first time besides playin' a mean guitar.
16. Charley Pride
Ask me sometime about running out of gas in Charlie's hometown of Sledge, MS.
15. Bob Wills
Still the king.
14. Lefty Frizzell
The definitive honky-tonker.
13. Vince Gill
If my ex-wife ever saw this list she'd never believe it was mine. She was right, I was wrong.
12. Alan Jackson
The George Jones of his generation. He'll still be making hits when I'm wearing Depends ®.
11. George Strait
See #13. But I doubt she'd believe the Rolling Stones were once a country band either, so she ain't right all the time.
10. Bill Monroe
I don't speak Latin. Does "res ipsa loquitur" mean "Father of Bluegrass."
9. Buck Owens
And Don Rich. Bread and Butter. Jagger and Richards. Chocolate and Peanut Butter. You can't separate them. This does make me wonder about CMT's choice of Brooks and Dunn though. If they're listed at #25 does this mean they're half a man each? For those who like their country flavored by '70s era Stones (see Jack's #15) their latest release, Red Dirt Road, is pretty damn good. But in the top 40 of all time? I don't think so.
8. Roger Miller
Anyone who thinks Miller is just a novelty singer needs to pay closer attention. Lurking beneath the surface novelty is a message that at times may be downright subversive. Plus he wrote "Husbands and Wives," one of the best country waltzes ever.
7. Elvis Presley
Of course he's country.
The CMT got it right and I'll stand on Jack Sparks' coffee table and scream it section.
6. Merle Haggard
5. Waylon Jennings
4. Willie Nelson
3. George Jones
2. Hank Williams
1. Johnny Cash