1 putter, 13 clubs...1 irons are for suckers...

On a Tuesday night at Elsie's, many conversations take place. Men are bowling, and nothing about life's twists and turns are off limits. Things are said that give you pause. Things are said that make you reflect. Things are said that make you wonder for days on end. Things are said that you simply don't have in your bag.

What's that? You don't understand?

If I go to a cheesy Mexican restaurant, and fork down roughly 10 pounds of tortilla chips and some grainy, slightly spicey melted cheese, then have to take a dump in their filthy bathroom, I got that club in my bag. If I go to a Twins' game that means something in the standings, or, is against a traditional baseball powerhouse, and something happens in the game that pushes my buttons and I launch into an off-color tirade on the state of the game as we know it in front of approximately 12 kids from Waconia who have never heard language like that before, I got that club in my bag. If I hit 5 3-woods on a 425 yard par-4, then I'm staring down a 30 foot putt to halve the hole for my scramble team, for whatever reason, I got that club in my bag.

The beauty of this phenomenon, is knowing when you DON'T have that club in your bag...i.e., tonight, at Elsie's. A guy at the alley said:

I tried to rub one out in jail and couldn't make it happen.

I've been a lot of places, and done a lot of things; and shit, I embellish a great deal on the stories I tell. But, I simply don't have that club in my bag.

Comments are open. Tonight, I have a burning need to know what clubs others don't have in their bags...please fill in below...