Smell yourself...

A Hell's Angel who lived on Thirty-seventh Street in Sacramento was continually being complained about for making suggestive comments to women who passed by his house..."Let's make it, baby," or "Hey, beautiful, come sit on Papa's face." A patrolman, checking on one of these complaints, first threatened the outlaw with jail and then asked him contempuously if he couldn't find "something better to do." The Angel thought for a moment and then replied: "Not unless it was to be fucking a cop."

From Hell's Angels, by Hunter S. Thompson

Yeah. Strange, huh, Miles, but--something ya gotta know about specialists--they pay a premium, and they never cause fuckin' trouble. Sometimes I imagine in my declining years runnin' a small joint in Manchester, England, catering to specialists exclusive. And to let 'em know they're amongst their own, maybe I'll operate from the corner, hanging upside down naked like a fuckin' bat, hmm? Oh, we're not such bad sorts here, huh Miles?

--Al Swearengen, From the TV show Deadwood

Using an artificial light to lure or attract fish, or to see fish when spearing, is unlawful. Exception: While angling, a person may affix to the end of a fishing line a lighted artificial bait with hooks attached. Any battery that is used in lighted fishing lures cannot contain any intentionally introduced mercury.

--From Minnesota Fishing Regulations 2006

First and foremost, let's cut to the chase:

Louie's Lee's Liquor Lounge
Friday, April 28th, The .357 Stringband with Those Poor Bastards
Saturday, April 29th, Jack Fuckin' Ingram with the Copperheads

Fine Line Music Cafe
Friday, April 28th, The Missing Numbers with The Gleam, Big Ditch Road and Little Man
Saturday, April 29th, Hookers & Blow

The 400 Bar
Saturday, April 29th, Spaghetti Western

The 331 Club
Friday, April 28th, Tuesday's Robot CD Release Party featuring Tuesday's Robot and the Como Ave Jug Band
Sunday, April 30th, Willie Nelson Birthday Tribute featuring Brett Larson, Raz Russel, Lazy Ike, The Roe Family Singers, Pocohantas County, Molly Maher, The Tin Star Sisters, Dana Thompson, Jackson Buxton, The Ditch Lillies, Ben Baker, Erik Brandt, 3 County Tour, and Jon Rodine

The White Iron Band with Trampled By Turtles, Charlie Parr, and 40 Watt Bulb
Wednesday, April 26th, at Rascal's(21+), Winona, MN
Thursday, April 27th, at the House of Rock(21+), Eau Claire, WI
Friday-Saturday, April 28th-29th, Two night stand, at the Tap Room(21+), Duluth, MN

Forget for a moment that on Saturday, May 6th, Canterbury Park will be opening its gates to the unwashed for live racing and foolhardy Show bets on Sinister Mister; forget that you will have the unenviable choice of sticking around The Cabooze for Eddie Spaghetti's inevitable request for free drugs, or hopping the whiskey train to the end of the line and the treacherous walk to Lee's for Charlie Robison. Those are the kinds of nights where you end up in Rogers, trying to talk the owner of an ill-tempered Burmese Mountain Dog into throwing him into a freshly dug pit in his pole barn with your friend Demko at 6-1 odds, viciously advocating that Demko gets to wear his soccer shoes during the fight.

No, those thoughts will get you more than a citation and a court date; people will fit you for an extremely unfashionable sport coat, and the good folks at Pfizer will weed your mental garden with a hellbroth of elixirs that will cause you to remember, in vivid detail, and nostalgic longing, the slideshow of your 70's single swinger Kindergarten teacher's summer trip to Hawaii to visit her boyfriend, "Ron."

Pull back Grasshopper, leave Master Po in the shadows and focus on THIS Friday. Aim for the train. Tell yourself that you're always just a two dollar train ride from things the squares will never understand, and, if you proportion your money properly, you can take it all in for less than a hundred bucks over the entire 60 hours. Grandma used to take the train. It got her where she was going.

Don't think of these places as destinations, think of them as stops, and draw them on your noodle as a twisted circle...point A to point B being for linear thinkers (bad divorced drunks, stuck downtown after going overboard during happy hour) and cops. The tangential route allows you to pull the rip cord...orbital velocity and escape velocity being matters of degree, a great whip to the backyard to kill the motion lights and ignite the fire pit for some serious after hours decompression.

Trouble is where you find it. Sometimes it finds you. Sometimes you have waffles for breakfast and make all the same mistakes you made the day before.