Video killed the radio star

Which brings me to the Bokonist concept of a wampeter.

A wampeter is the pivot of a karass. No karass is without a wampeter, Bokonon tells us, just as no wheel is without a hub.

Anything can be a wampeter: a tree, a rock, an animal, an idea, a book, a melody, the Holy Grail. Whatever it is, the members of its karass revolve about it in the majestic chaos of a spiral nebula. The orbits of the members of a karass about their common wampeter are spiritual orbits, naturally. It is souls and not bodies that revolve. As Bokonon invites us to sing:

Around and around and around we spin,
With feet of lead and wings of tin...

And wampeters come and wampeters go, Bokonon tells us.

At any given time a karass actually has two wampeters--one waxing in importance, one waning.

--From Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut

Comments

Jack: Is there a way to email without making an actual post? I simply wanted to gently suggest you comment on that godawful CMT Awards show.

Posted by: Old Bat at April 24, 2006 01:33 PM

I've gotten two emails asking me if I watched the CMT Awards show. No...no I didn't. For the same reason I don't go to Church.

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone...(John 8:7)

Judge not, that ye be not judged (Matthew 7:1)

Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these of my brethren, ye have done it unto me. (Matthew 25:40)

Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's. (Luke 20:25)

I don't need a self-righteous man in his 70's wearing Prada shoes and Gucci sunglasses to tell me what these things mean. In my heart I know that Kenny Chesney is the biggest phoney fucking poser since Milli and/or Vanilli. But, just like the Church, millions of people still tune in for "the message," when it's written down plain as day for them to read at any local independent record store into which they may stumble.

CMT, CMA, WSM, The Grand Ol' Opry, K102, Universal South, Mercury Nashville, Curb Records, the Nashville bureau of Billboard, all hornets nests of musical Phillistines, looking to pillage the already frayed borders of what we call American Twang.

Remind yourself that there are people like Phyliss Stark, who write stupid shit like this:

"The Southwest, if you're not George Strait, is absolutely the hardest place to start any record, whether it's an established act or a new artist," says Gator Michaels, senior VP of promotion at Warner Bros. Nashville, home of Faith Hill.

When Quarterback Records national promotion director Anne Weaver was a Southwest regional promoter in the early '90s, "it was the region artists (and) songs broke from. Not anymore," she says, "and I think it's because of consolidation and very conservative (radio) brand managers."

Weaver is not alone in citing corporate consolidation as part of the Southwest's problem. Off the record, many label officials specifically finger radio giant Clear Channel as the main culprit. One label promotion head says the conservative nature of Clear Channel stations in the Southwest "causes a huge void in that region."

First, anybody in the music industry who calls himself Gator...aww fuck it, start calling me Rooster. Fuck Jack Sparks, I want to be known as Rooster Sparks from here on out. EXACTLY. Stupid shit.

Second...consolidation? Yeah, that's it, you fucking geniuses. It couldn't POSSIBLY be that the product sucks big fat green heaving sweaty oozing donkey dicks, could it? Is it just possible that you people in Nashville are so fucking full of yourselves and your designer clothes and your shiney belt buckles and your fucking putt-putt-putt yacht boats in the Bahamas that you forgot that folks like a little country in their country music? You know why your shit doesn't play in Texas? Because it sucks...it sucks exponentially compared to the ball busting, Shiner Bock soaked, red dirt choked MUSIC of Texas.

But, let's put a bow on this package. Please continue Phyllis:

"Radio [airplay] is the first and foremost way to break acts," Billboard's Stark says. "But an artist needs three radio hits before it can headline a club tour. That's why opening for a star is such a crucial step."

Phyllis says this because Phyllis works for the company that tracks radio airplay. If radio airplay didn't matter, Phyllis' company wouldn't matter. It's important for Phyllis' company to matter, otherwise, they wouldn't be able to charge exorbitant rates to their advertisers, and to the the various hangers-on and industry leeches who worship them because they do matter. What phucking Phyllis ignores, of course, are the arenas that Pat Green sold out across the state of Texas, sans 3 radio hits.

For years I gave it a shot. From time to time, I would turn on CMT, GAC, K102, hoping in vain for some sign that somebody was getting it. They never did, they don't now, they never will. Fuck them all. Country is where you find it, not where it's rolled into a giant shit ball and spoon-fed to you through a limited number of outlets, all lock step in content and message.

Country music will spend decades digging out from under the damage done to it by CMT, Mick Anselmo, Kenny Chesney, and people like Phyllis Stark. Fuck them all.