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The British Are Coming, and They Are Funny And Smart And Pissed
Filed under: This Week's Wordage
Dear Peter,
Long time no see or speak. I confess I've kind of had my head up my ass for a while now, so I haven't been able to listen to too much new music. I'm looking forward to sitting down with your new Kris Kristofferson and the new Rosanne Cash. Tonight, maybe. When Jean and the kids go to sleep.
Maybe Henry and I will stay up and we'll watch a guy movie. That's one of our favorite things to do on a Friday night: The girls go to bed and we watch something stupid, or smart, or funny, or beautiful. How's Autry? Don't you love being a dad? Even with all the shit. Give our love to him and Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure Henry thinks I'm lame these days. I've been recording some of my songs, and he's been with me every step of the way. He says, "Dad, not to be mean..." That's how he and his sister Helen preface everything these days. "Not to be mean...," and then they say whatever's on their smart-ass authority-questioning minds.
Anyway, he said my music is too acoustic and boring and that I should make music that's more like Green Day. Apparently he never learned the lesson I got from you: that there are precious few more intoxicating sounds than an acoustic and electric guitar mating in the dark. So I tell him, "Make your own CD, Bud." Not to be mean, but...
So here I am, checking in. Thanking you, finally (again?), after all these years, for your enthusiasm and grace and wonderful tutorials in my "youth." The late-night listening parties, real and (now) imagined, one of which I had last night with my friend Brianna Riplinger, the best young rock writer going. She's one of us. I walked into her art- and rock-poster plastered apartment here in Minneapolis last night and she said, "I'm forever a 14-year-old boy, Jim." I played her some stuff and she played me some stuff, but the high standard was set early when she played me almost the entire debut by the Arctic Monkeys, WHATEVER PEOPLE SAY I AM THAT'S WHAT I'M NOT. The night ended with her preaching to me and her roommate Cynthia, a funny, sexy, kind, sweet pastry chef, about why The Arctic Monkeys are the best band in the world. Which, beyond the band in question's obvious merits, is something you decide as a music lover ("I was saved by rock 'n' roll" uh-huh), because you desire as much; you want to bring that into being. It ain't hype; it's hope.
Brother, it was like a fucking Baptist church in there. I kept egging her on, telling her to preach it, say it out loud, preach the gospel, fuck the joyless cynics, fuck the American Idol-hypnotized morons, fuck the finks and vampires and scumbags, fuck the hipsters, fuck the Heathers, the British are coming, and they are funny and smart and pissed.
("I'm not like you/I don't want your advice or your praise/Or to move in the ways that you do/And I never will/'Cos all you people are vampires/And all your stories are stale/And all you pretend-to-stand-by-ers/I know you will certainly fail")
Most of all, they are really, really alive. When that great rock 'n' roll motherfucker Jesus Christ was walking past a funeral procession, he asked the mourners to follow him and hop on the love and life train. They furrowed their brows and said, "But Lord, we must bury this man." Christ kept walking and said, "Let the dead bury the dead."
Lot of dead people these days, Pete. Some are still breathing.
Please tell me you've heard these little shits. They're the real deal, and it seems like all the White Stripes and Ike Reilly and Strokes and Wannadies and punk rock of the last few years has been leading up to this. Bri and I were stoned, both taking notes throughout her tutorial. Ranting. Raving. Coming.
("Last night what we talked about/It made so much sense/But now the haze has ascended/It don't make no sense anymore.")
Will Hermes interviewed Patti Smith a few months back, and Jay (my brother; speaking of great rock tutors) turned me on to it. This is what she said: "Rock 'n' roll is our cultural voice. I saw it evolve in my lifetime - I'm gonna be 59 in December - and it was revolutionary, in every way. It gave young people an outlet to channel all this new energy. I mean, look at what's happening in Paris right now. Part of me wishes I could just go into the streets and say, y'know, 'What the fuck? Here-here's a Marshall; here's a Strat.' That's the beauty of rock 'n' roll. It's a voice."
Have you heard these fucking kids, from Sheffield? Home of Joe Cocker and Def Leppard. They've got a song called "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor," about having a crush on the girl behind the counter ("nothing but a customer...," yikes), and I told Bri about this girl who works in the sandwich shop outside of Jimmy John's in Calhoun Square here in Minneapolis. I saw her when the kids and I were Christmas shopping for Jean; she thought the kids were beautiful. She had great Sasha Cohen eyes. I saw her a week later, and we waved at each other as I walked past. It was sweet.
'Course, The Artic Monkeys would have done more than wave. If I could boil it down to one thing that they're saying, it would be, "The planet's on fire, let's dance." And it occurs to me as I crank it up that this is why we keep listening. For a moment like this. Beatles, Pistols, Clash, Oasis, revolution.
("Well oh they might wear classic Reeboks
Or knackered Converse
Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks
But all of that's what the point is not
The point's that there isn't no romance around there
"And there's the truth that they can't see
They'd probably like to throw a punch at me
And if you could only see them, then you would agree
Agree that there isn't no romance around there
"It's a funny thing you know
We'll tell them if you like
We'll tell them all tonight
They'll never listen
Cause their minds are made up
And course it's all okay to carry on that way
"Over there there's broken bones
There's only music, so that there's new ringtones
And it doesn't take no Sherlock Holmes
To see it's a little different around here
"Don't get me wrong though there's boys in bands
And kids who like to scrap with pool cues in their hands
And just cause he's had a couple of cans
He thinks it's alright to act like a dickhead
"Well over there there's friends of mine
What can I say, I've known them for a long long time
And they might overstep the line
But you just cannot get angry in the same way"
They're huge in England, of course. Disenfranchised, disillusioned, jolly old brilliant England. And they sound like a rocket ship. They make you laugh, and feel, and rock. Which is what I need these days, because my best boyfriend got laid off from his fucking advertising job and he's hurting, my sister Molly's having a baby probably this week, my brother Bird just bought a house and he's a great dad, so he's worried, I'm wanking around with my little acoustic guitar, in d-e-t up to my eyeballs and going nuts and my kids are looking at me like, "What are you going to do to change this world you've left for us? Are you going to help us clean it up, or are you going to be part of the problem?"
Fuck if I know. First of all, I'm going to make them listen to the Arctic Monkeys, whose debut record came out in America four days ago, who Brianna will be seeing in Chicago the night before fooking St. Paddy's day. And I will tell them that it's worth being awake for moments like this.
See ya in Austin, at the Neil Young or Billy Bragg-Joe Henry shows. Or, heaven help us, at the Arctic Monkeys St. Paddy's Day gig at La Zona Rosa, where we saw Lucinda a few years ago. If we can get in.
Love ya man,
Jim
Posted by Jim Walsh at February 24, 2006 11:46 AM
« HOMIES ALONE: THE FIRST (OF HOPEFULLY MANY MORE TO COME) LOCAL MUSIC-ONLY MIXES | Main | TWENTY FOR KIRBY »
Comments
Jim,
Nice write-up on the Arctic Monkeys! The show in Chicago is actually the day after St. Patrick's day (March 18th). I'll be in attendance...
Enjoy SxSW!
Posted by: Steve at February 24, 2006 1:42 PM
tomorrow is transfiguration sunday in the christian religion. i dig it. arctic monkeys feel like the fooking second coming.
the jesus quote in this bit is important: "let the dead bury the dead." seems to me
that all the killings and protests over the mohammed cartoons almost HAVE
to happen before we can see how insanely absurd everything has
become. but... we in the west are now talking about mohammed, maybe the east is
talking about christ, and more than a few of us are considering atheism or
agnosticism or creating a whole new world. feels like the storm before the
calm.
arctic monkeys = eye of the storm
Posted by: Jim Arctic Monkey Walsh at February 25, 2006 4:04 PM
Sorry, Jim, but some of us "joyless cynics" prefer music that doesn't sound like some chain-smoking teen Brit's LiveJournal done karaoke over a blurry, illegible second-hand mimeograph of All Mod Cons. But hell, so long as being enraptured in the most mediocre English import since the Triumph TR7 keeps you from ill-advisedly indulging in your oh-so-punk Fleetwood Mac assassination fantasies, then rock rock on.
(I coulda just said "fuck you too," but you know us hipsters, always gotta be all flowery and obtuse and whatnot.)
Posted by: Nate Patrin at February 26, 2006 9:35 PM
Preach it, brotha. This needs to keep happing so the Yanks get on the muthafucking bus on this one. They need to be a part of it.
Let's keep laughing and smiling and shaking our heads in happy-disbelief at what's great about music, music, music.
Listen to Noel preach it, yet?
Posted by: Brianna at February 26, 2006 10:28 PM
hey, nate. if you don't think that record is great, you have no business writing about rock 'n' roll.
bri, love you.
Posted by: jim walsh at February 27, 2006 1:25 AM
Funny sentiment from someone who contributed to 'Kill Your Idols', but what do I know about rock? My favorite '70s band is Funkadelic! They're not even punk!
Posted by: Nate Patrin at February 27, 2006 9:45 AM
brother nate, p-funk put the punk in funk; don't you think? like pete scholtes said about p.os., p-funk's as punk rock as it gets: freedom!
Posted by: jim walsh at February 27, 2006 9:53 AM
like the freedom to continue writing about rock and roll if they don't happen to agree with you about a particular band/record, even?
Posted by: quizzical bystander at February 27, 2006 10:46 AM
Somehow I don't think that would have made Samuel Beckett's rewrites, Jim.
Posted by: Ned Raggett at February 27, 2006 10:47 AM
Yeah, Jim, the guy's just writing an opinion of a record. It's his job. Why would that upset somebody who disagrees? Why does that make him a joyless whatever-you-said?
Posted by: Dean at February 27, 2006 11:07 AM
This didn't get posted before....
Yes, Jim, why is somebody a joyless whatever-you-said because he writes a negative opinion of a CD. It's his job. Besides, why would someone who likes that band even care about a bad review?
Posted by: Dean at February 27, 2006 1:09 PM
Jim,
This is the first time I've read an article of yours. I have to say that had your piece been edited to the following:
"Dear Peter,
I got played almost the entire debut by the Arctic Monkeys, WHATEVER PEOPLE SAY I AM THAT'S WHAT I'M NOT.
It ain't hype; it's hope.
Fuck the joyless cynics, fuck the finks and vampires and scumbags, fuck the hipsters, fuck the Heathers, the British are coming, and they are funny and smart and pissed.
Please tell me you've heard these little shits.
They're the real deal, and it seems like all the White Stripes and Ike Reilly and Strokes and Wannadies and punk rock of the last few years has been leading up to this.
For a moment like this. Beatles, Pistols, Clash, Oasis, revolution.
Love ya man,
Jim"
...this would have been the most succinctly and most hilariously written anti-Arctic Monkeys article ever. But I realize you had a minimum word count.
Those above phrases made me laugh out loud. I heard the album recently, and it sounds like late 70's Japan (the band) with extra urgency blurring any sense of groove or catchiness. It's the most attention-defying album I've heard in a long time.
Thank you for the laughs and the great article. I hope your sarcasm wasn't seen as too subtle. :)
Love ya, man.
Smithers Jones.
Posted by: Smithers Jones at February 27, 2006 1:35 PM
Hey Jim,
Just wanted to say thanks for being one of my "great rock tutors" over the years, it's been quite the ride so far...
Hope to see you around sometime.
Andrea (Swensson) Myers
Posted by: Andrea Myers at February 27, 2006 1:58 PM
Great article last week (located here:
http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology/060209_hit_songs.html) about how most of the time, our msuci choices revolve around the perceived preferences of others. That is to say, if there's a certain segment of people who are raving about the Arctic Monkeys (for example), others will hear those people and WANT to like the Arctic Monkeys, thus they will listen with more open ears. Heck, the AM's whole existence is based on this 'buzz' with their free downloads and word-of-mouth talk. So in certain circles, the sheep mentality does exist. I'm not saying you or Brianna fall into that category necessarily. Obviously you've thought about this band's place in the world a lot more than other people.
However, maybe that's the problem with all this Internet buzz to begin with. Any record that has a chance to be considered universally great gets picked apart, dissected, and examined until all the fun is gone from it. Could it be possible that music discussion in general is killing the art of music?
Anyhoo, my biggest problem with the record is that it's not mixed very well. I wish the drums were louder and there's not a lot of high/low here. But yeah, there's potential for AM to be one of the all-time greats if they can keep it up.
Posted by: Nate at February 27, 2006 2:11 PM
I wish I could spell things correctly the first time, like 'music.' Feh.
For the record, I like the Subways's record more than the Arctic Monkeys. I think there's a lot more energy, even if the lyrics are half-worked out on some songs. But the Subways aren't going to debut in the top 50 of Billboard their first week like the AM's are. They must be missing something.
Posted by: Nate at February 27, 2006 2:15 PM
What the hell is going on?
Posted by: Brianna at February 27, 2006 2:16 PM
hey, andrea. good to see you. thanks for the beer. when springsteen's "born in the u.s.a" came out, two days later i walked into the first ave offices after the bar, and pete jesperson was in there. he asked me what i thought of the record, and when i said i loved it, he said, defianly: "it's his weakest record yet."
i dig conversations like this, most of the time. i think it enhances the shit, makes you argue with yourself. nate, thanks for the link. cool piece; spot on.
rock,
jim
Posted by: jim walsh at February 27, 2006 2:21 PM
I've never heard the Arctic Monkeys. I just thought it was kind of mean-spirited to call that guy a joyless cynic.
Posted by: Dean at February 27, 2006 2:42 PM
Most rock critics ARE joyless cynics. Or, at least, their writing would lead you to believe that.
Or, to paraphrase:
"Problem: Most critics are no damned fun. They're bored adolescents (and if they're not having fun, why should anyone else?); ergo they write boring reviews."
Now, I've never heard the Arctic Monkees and I am not familiar with Mr. Patrin.
I just think that all critics should be aware that while joyless cynicism is not part of the job description, it is a hazard of the racket-
like critic group-think or typing out words like "ouvre" or "raison dete" that normal people simply never use in real life.
If being a critic is your form of expression, and you want to take a shot at a band, you better be ready to take a shot back from tha band's fans. Even if that means the occasional slings and arrows of other ink-stained wretches.
Posted by: Paul at February 27, 2006 3:08 PM
Fuck the Arctic Monkees, I wanna hear Jim Walsh's new songs.
Posted by: Joe Fahey at February 27, 2006 4:00 PM
come, be human. sit down and let's talk.
Posted by: phil r at February 27, 2006 4:18 PM
Hey, Jim, usually you're full of shite, but this time you are correct. The Arctic Monkeys are great. Their debut is ALMOST as good as "Up the Bracket" by the Libertines.
Posted by: Brian at February 27, 2006 9:59 PM
brian: i ain't no shiite, but i may be a kurd.
nate: i need to hear the subways thank you.
paul: there you are. still reading, writing, rocking. rightthefuckon.
joe: soon, promise; thanks.
Posted by: jim walsh at February 28, 2006 8:38 AM
Just for clarification, the Nate in the most recent comments isn't me. (And I did want to like the AMs going in -- I like the Libertines all right and the last Franz record was in my top ten, so I figured they might be interesting. But I just didn't hear anything that connected with me at all. The majority of my most irritable reviews come from disappointment.)
Posted by: Nate Patrin at February 28, 2006 11:15 AM
Well, sure you're not me, Nate Patrin. I don't even know you. What do you think of the Subways? ;)
Posted by: Nate at February 28, 2006 10:57 PM
Album debuted at #28 on the US charts with 32,733 sold (so 1/10th of the UK first week sales).
Not too bad.
Posted by: Nate at March 1, 2006 12:45 PM
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