FUCK ART BRUT AND THE ARCTIC MONKEYS LET'S DANCE

I am so bored with the Arctic Monkeys-Art Brut feud already. Don't get me wrong: I like a good rock fight, but this one is as contrived as that other "war." Or, "Uptown gripped in fear."

Besides, Arctic Monkeys are The Sex Pistols and Art Brut are The Knack. Arctic Monkeys had their lives changed by The Strokes and White Stripes the way The Ramones changed the Pistols and England, and the fact is (not opinion), it's happening again. With or without you or me.

As you may have guessed, I hung out with Brianna and her roommate Cynthia tonight, and we listened to more Arctic Monkeys. She played me amazing songs by Sia (see below) and The Gossip (UNBELIEVABLE SMART STRONG ALIVE FEMINIST PUNK at the Triple Rock on April Fool's Day), and I played her "Oxygen" (see below). Oh, and Lindsey Thomas assigned me to write a piece on The Goddamn Gleam, which I'm thrilled about.

Spring is in the air, I am (supposedly) on vacation, March is mad and I am not ("Always Love," Nada Surf), and this is what i wrote for an upcoming "Best of the Twin Cities" issue:

Best Show With No Visible Human Beings

Minneapolis Vs. St. Paul Smack-down

Dear Joe: Despite the tired old yarn you continue to proliferate, there is no civil cultural war going on between the Twin Cities. Only provincial idiots who don't know that there is worth in both the Turf Club and the Triple Rock, Dubliner's and O'Donovan's, Denny's and Bunny's, Soucheray-Keillor and Lucia-Cody would whip up such bullshit. We just don't think it exists. We think you made it up. Christ, this is the Midwest, not the Mideast.

Are the cities different? Definitely; from this side it's pretty basic: St. Paul is a hockey town and Minneapolis is a basketball town. Go Islanders.

Some of us like both hockey and basketbal, and --grab your heart-- both cities.

Fact is, some of us old-timers here at City Pages remember a proposed piece in the early '90s, which was going to be penned by one of our St. Paul writers: "Why St. Paul is better than Minneapolis." Two years ago, an editor here proposed another: "Why St. Paul sucks." Neither got written, because no one cares that much.

I say stop the presses; vive la difference; quit your fucking whining, and find some commonalities between us all before we different each other to death.