"Gay Marriage Already Exists: Just Ask The First Lady of Texas"

(If that makes no sense, go here, here, here and here.)

After sitting out much of the primary season, Live Nude Weblog! has decided to endorse John Edwards for President of the United States. The slogan: He's Our Only Hope.

(We are fairly certain this announcement will have a positive impact in attracting the vital midget-porn fetishist demographic.)

We had a come-to-Jesus moment last night while listening to the radio. After nearly driving off the road when Sean Hannity kept repeatedly extolling the "Great Governor of the Great State of Texas Rick Perry" (must follow link to understand this joke) we switched over to National Public Radio's "The World."

There, to our horror, we discovered an interview with John Kerry's French cousin. Now for those of you who don't waste your lives listening to countless hours of right wing radio as we do, it needs to be pointed out that Rush Limbaugh has for months been referring to the junior Massachusetts senator as the "French-looking John Kerry." Isn't it bad enough that Kerry pretended to be Irish? And that he just recently "discovered" that he's a Jew? Now it turns out he's French!?! There is perhaps no greater slander right now in American politics than having any association whatsoever with the French. He'd be better off announcing that he's gay! (Quick: someone email that one to Drudge.) This guy will never, ever be president.

More seriously, the Democrats are making a fatal error by failing to attack Kerry's craven, pathetic, flip-flopping voting record. And by failing to understand the absurdity of the senator most beholden to lobbyists railing about the pernicious influence of special interest money in Washington. And by failing to question Kerry on why he voted twice (once over Clinton's veto) for a 1995 "tort reform" bill that paved the way for Enron, WorldCom, et al. And by failing to debate whether they really want to endorse a man who can credibly be accused of flip-flopping on both Iraq wars. There's an entire arsenal of lethal campaign commercial material for Team W. in just this paragraph. The Democrats have deluded themselves into believing the media myth about Kerry's supposed "electability."

It's not too late. Edwards for President: He's Our Only Hope!

The other day, while perusing the Star Tribune, I was struck by this quote in Nick Coleman's column about new Minneapolis police chief William McManus:

"He's kind of a kick-ass dude."

For some reason I was under the impression that "ass", commonly considered a vulgarity, was off limits to daily newspaper reporters. But lo and behold, a Nexis search reveals that we are getting a whole lot of ass in the Twin Cities. In fact, the prevalence of ass in the two local dailies has held remarkably steady over the last decade. The Strib provides slightly more ass than the Pioneer Press, which is probably why it costs an extra quarter. Being a firm believer that there is not enough vulgarity in the media, I am overjoyed by this tiny ray of hope. Presented below, for your edification, a breakdown of the appearance of ass in the Pioneer Press and the Star Tribune:

*Ass By Year:

2004: 11
2003: 71
2002: 45
2001: 29
2000: 59
1999: 54
1998: 34
1997: 36
1996: 38
1995: 51
1994: 41

Total Uses of Ass:

Star Tribune: 247
Pioneer Press: 222


*STATISTICAL ANALYSIS BY LIVE NUDE WEBLOG! LIVE NUDE WEBLOG EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT LIVE NUDE WEBLOG!