February 2005

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Bill Hicks R.I.P.

Filed under: Imported

My friend Brian just pointed out that it's the anniversary of Bill Hicks' death. Eleven years ago at just about this hour the greatest of all comedians died of pancreatic cancer at his folks' home in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I've been thinking about dead people a lot lately. Hunter Thompson, of course. But also Kirsty MacColl. I've been obsessed with her incredible song, "England 2, Colombia 0." But every time I listen to it I can't help thinking of her being chopped up by a motorboat propeller while scuba diving off the coast of Cozumel, Mexico with her two kids floating nearby. What a grisly, horrific way to die for such a beautiful person. I saw MacColl play once at Trammps, in New York City, with John Cale. I know she struggled mightily with stage fright, but you certainly wouldn't have known it that night. I was madly smitten.

But I think Bill Hicks is missed most of all right now. He was just gaining some notoriety in this country when he was felled by cancer. (The Brits, for whatever reason, were on to Hicks' genius long before.) I recently finished reading a compilation of his work released last year called Love All the People: Letters, lyrics, Routines. The comedy routines don't carry nearly the gut-churning punch that they do when delivered in Hicks' scabrous voice, but they're still outrageous and spot-on and hilarious.

The piece that really struck me, though, was a 23-page letter Hicks wrote to New Yorker writer John Lahr in December, 1993. Lahr had been working on a profile of the comedian when Hicks had a maddening run-in with the Late Show With David Letterman. He'd cut a stand-up routine for the show—deftly skewering the pro-life movement, evangelical christians, and Billy Ray Cyrus—only to have the segment yanked because it was deemed "unsuitable for broadcast" by Letterman's producers. Hicks was aghast at the situation. He couldn't get his mind around it, lamenting over and over, "They're just jokes ..."

Here's a passage near the end of Hicks' letter that is utterly, sadly relevant to 2005:

You see, Reasonable people don't usually write letters of complaint or praise to networks because a) Reasonable people have lives, b) Reasonable people know they're just jokes, c) If the Reasonable people don't find the jokes funny, they know it's just TV, d) Reasonable people know if something's on now which they don't like, there may just as well be something they do like coming up soon, e) Reasonable people know they can turn the TV channel, and f) Reasonable people know they can just turn the TV off and go about their day.

It's that insane minority the networks cower to, and play to in their imagined perception of the "Mid-West," i.e. any state between Los Angeles and New York. That horribly unsophisticated herd that makes up the majority of Americans. Instead, one letter from some fundamentalist anything, written in crayon saying, "I saw a guy talk about Jesus on your show. I'm offended, signed X," sends the network cowards scurrying to make amends and rid the show of the "unsuitable" material. Well, I've got news for the Bureaucratic Capitalist Whore Cowards that run television. I'm offended too! I'm offended by the constant barrage of banal, trite, puerile scat you offer without any sense of shame or human dignity. And I've got something else to say to those people who say, "I'm offended," like some five-year-old child throwing a tantrum. Ready? There are a lot of things in life that are offensive, life itself can be offensive, I myself have a large list of things that offend me ... So what!? Grow the fuck up! We now live in the "Age of being offended." Get over it. Perhaps a little open-mindedness, tolerance, and acceptance may be the antidote to what ails you. Try it and see if your load isn't lifted just a bit. See if your pinched face of fear doesn't relax a tad. Why don't you exercise a little of the faith you say you believe in so much, and trust in God and his infinite, unconditional love. Why don't you fucking Christians start acting like Christians?

You can learn more about Hicks here, here, and here.

(Disclaimer: this post written under the nefarious influence of cheap red wine.)

Posted by Paul Demko at February 26, 2005 10:29 PM

 

Footy

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1. The great Claudio Reyna might finally suit up again for Manchester City on Monday.

2. Eddie Johnson got some new rims for his Impala.

3. Swell new blog written by four American footy fans: We Call It Soccer.

4. All Things Footie has an excellent post regarding the "controversy" over Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger's decision to field an all-foreign squad against Crystal Palace recently. 

5. The Indomitable Drinky Crows are currently enjoying a five game unbeaten streak. We are tied for fifth place, out of 30 teams. We are the Inter Milan of Minnesota indoor co-ed rec-league soccer.  I've discovered that there's an inverse correlation between how much time I spend on the field and the team's level of success.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 25, 2005 2:58 PM

 

The Terry Walsh

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The other night I stopped by the Turf Club to see Jeff Hanson, Dan Wilson, and Terry Walsh.

The first guy to take the stage played "New Madrid" and some other covers and was joined by his father-in-law on banjo. It was pleasant enough. Apparently his name was Jeff Hanson, but it certainly wasn't the Jeff Hanson.

The next guy up seemed awful nervous. He hesitantly strummed out some not-particularly-memorable folk-rock songs on his guitar. Apparently his name was Dan Wilson, but it certainly wasn't the Dan Wilson.  

Terry Walsh came on last. He played a swell set mostly devoid of Van Morrison songs.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 24, 2005 3:22 PM

 

Only If It's Called "I Am Sam" Like That Movie Where Sean Penn Plays A Developmentally Challenged Guy

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So yesterday afternoon I'm sitting in my office eagerly awaiting a return call from Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life. The telephone rings and I answer it expecting to hear a lecture about the sanctity of the fetus. And the woman on the other end of the line does identify herself as Grace. But she then informs me that she works with Sam Farha and had read my "Artist of the Year" salute to the redoubtable poker player in City Pages last year. Grace wanted to know if I'd be interested in writing Farha's biography. I told her I'd have to mull the idea over. I think she was serious.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 19, 2005 2:12 PM

 

Indomitable Drinky Crows

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The quest for corporate sponsorship is not going well. Wally McCarthy is still not returning my calls. Neither is Denny Hecker. The Pioneer Press doesn't seem interested either. The other day I sent this letter to Tony Millionaire:

The response? Silence!

Now I know how Carl Pohlad and Red McCombs feel. Rejection is painful.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 19, 2005 1:27 PM

 

Gutting Section 8

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The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities released a report this afternoon examining the impact of President Bush's proposed budget on the federal Section 8 voucher program. Section 8 is the country's largest housing assistance program, providing some two million households nationwide with assistance. People with Section 8 vouchers generally pay 30 percent of their income for rent, with the federal government covering the rest of the cost. 

CBPP determined that Section 8 cutbacks in 2005 will likely result in some 80,000 fewer households nationwide receiving rental assistance. In Minnesota, this is expected to translate into the loss of 1,198 housing vouchers.

The prognosis for 2006 is slightly better. Under Bush's proposed budget, there is an additional $1.5 billion in funding for Section 8--or enough money to add back roughly half of the vouchers expected to be eliminated this year. But Robert Greenstein, executive director of CBPP, cautions that Section 8 will likely face greater scrutiny as lawmakers attempt to soften proposed cuts to other popular initiatives. For instance, Bush's plan to gut the Community Development Block Grant program by as much as 50 percent has drawn widespread criticism from legislators of both parties.

"There is a significant possibility that as the fiscal year 2006 appropriations bill moves through Congress over the next six to nine months the funding level for vouchers could be reduced," Greenstein noted in a conference call with reporters this afternoon.

According to CBPP, after 2006 prospects for Section 8 turn decidedly grim. Basing its projections on five-year budget outlays provided by the Bush administration, the nonprofit group estimates that funding for an additional 370,000 vouchers will be eliminated through 2010. In other words, the total number of households likely to lose rental assistance over the next six years is 410,000--or more than 20 percent of the total now enrolled in the program.

"If 370,000 vouchers or anything close to that [are cut] I would think that would be by far the biggest cut in the program's history," says Greenstein.

In Minnesota this would mean that housing assistance would be available to 6,031 fewer households. Not surprisingly, these cuts would hit hardest in the Twin Cities: The three metro-area housing authorities would lose 2,897 vouchers between now and 2010.

Barbara Sard, CBPP's director of housing policy, notes that so far many local housing agencies have been able to blunt the impact of cuts to Section 8 by tapping reserve funds. "This year, while no good data exists, our expectation is that many agencies would have drawn down their reserve funds quite sharply and will have little left," Sard says. This means that housing agencies will have little choice but to cut vouchers.

The foulest reality about Section 8 is that the program is already severely overburdened. Most housing authorities have massive waiting lists of people who qualify for housing assistance. Many agencies have simply stopped bothering to add new names. I detailed some of this in a previous CP story.

Read the whole pathetic CBPP report here.

 

Posted by Paul Demko at February 18, 2005 5:33 PM

 

Heads Must Roll

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LNW! demands that the following people resign from their respective posts of cultural and political importance:

Stuart Watkiss

Jim Perdue

Faure Gnassingbe

Johnny Van Zant

Ray Miller

Chris Hodapp

Gina La Force

Charley Walters

Louis Sirian

Jay Leno

UPDATE: Jada Pinkett-Smith

Posted by Paul Demko at February 15, 2005 5:04 PM

 

Carnival in Port of Spain

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Steven Goff has a nice piece in today's Washington Post explaining what the U.S. squad is in for this afternoon:

Carnival is having an impact on the build-up to the match, which will be played at Queen's Park Oval, a historic cricket ground in the center of town, in part because Hasely Crawford Stadium had been reserved for musical acts. The U.S. team scrambled to find accommodations during this hectic week and ended up paying the equivalent of $625 per night for each room.

Besides preparing for the game, the Americans had to find ways to block out the distractions of Carnival. They arrived late Monday night after most celebrations had ceased, practiced Tuesday afternoon and tried to ignore the partying on the eve of the match.

"It's crazy, we're walking right into their most celebratory days of their year, so it's going to be quite the festivity tomorrow," midfielder Pablo Mastroeni said. "We've been through this kind of stuff in previous challenges and it's something that we put aside and focus on the game."

Posted by Paul Demko at February 9, 2005 8:52 AM

 

Germany '08

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The final round of World Cup qualifying begins tomorrow at 1:30 p.m. CST for the United States. They play Trinidad & Tobago in Port of Spain. It's Carnivale. A Mexican crew will be officiating the game. Should be a wild, unruly affair.

Over the next nine months the U.S. will play home-and-away contests with T & T, Mexico, Guatemala, Panama, and Costa Rica. The top three finishers will automatically qualify for the '08 World Cup. The fourth-place squad will battle for a final berth against the fifth-place finisher from Asia.

Given that MLS is out of season, the U.S. is expected to field a predominantly European-based squad. For whatever it's worth (nothing, obviously), here's the lineup I anticipate seeing:

GK: Kasey Keller (Borussia M'gladbach)

D: Steve Cherundolo (Hanover 96'), Eddie Pope (Real Salt Lake), Carlos Bocanegra (Fulham), Corey Gibbs (Feyenoord)

M: Landon Donovan (Bayer Leverkusen), DaMarcus Beasley (PSV Eindhoven), Pablo Mastroeni (Colorado Rapids), Eddie Lewis (Preston North End)

F: Eddie Johnson (FC Dallas), Brian McBride (Fulham)

Folks will be gathering in Minneapolis tomorrow at The Local to watch the match.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 8, 2005 11:18 AM

 

Kelly Tacks Left

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St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly announced this afternoon that he's running for re-election. This news was not surprising. It has long been assumed that Kelly will seek a second four-year term.

But the content of Kelly's speech--given at Tivoli Too, manufacturer of the Peanuts statues--was somewhat unexpected. The DFL mayor, who bizarrely endorsed President Bush for re-election earlier this year, laid out a second-term agenda notable for its progressive bent.

There was zero mention of a publicly financed downtown St. Paul baseball stadium, a staple of Kelly's agenda since he set foot in City Hall. Also missing from the speech was any discussion of a proposed casino--a plan that the Kelly administration has been floating lately in an (desperate) attempt to pump up the city's beleaguered downtown.

The most notable new initiative announced by Kelly was his support for a levy referendum on next fall's ballot. He didn't delve into specifics during the speech, but the Mayor claimed that he'll ask voters to approve spending additional property tax dollars to fix the school system's $24-million budget shortfall and to provide additional resources to the police and fire departments. For a politician who has staked his political fortunes on holding property taxes flat--and who ardently opposed the last school-funding referendum in 2002--this was a dramatic deviation. (I have a call out to the Mayor's office to find out more about the ballot proposal.)

Kelly also promised an initiative aimed at eliminating homelessness in St. Paul and vowed to fight to have the central corridor light rail line operating by the end of his second term. Neither of these issues has previously been a significant part of his agenda.

What gives?

My guess is that Kelly's internal polling shows that his flirtation with the Republicans (and more specifically with Bush) has seriously marred his reputation among St. Paul voters. He's now trying to re-establish his bona fides with the Democrats.

Perhaps the most telling line of Kelly's speech was when he declared "I am a Democrat." Nobody in the crowd applauded. That's because the people there to support Kelly weren't Democrats.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 7, 2005 6:32 PM

 

Misc Debris

Filed under: Imported

1. My close personal friend Mark Yost had a swell piece about aging professional wrestlers and the fans who love them in Opinion Journal yesterday. (Cribbed from Fraters Libertas)

2. I ran into Sparks the other day at the Electric Fetus. I can testify that he did indeed spend $16.03 on a copy of the new Kenny Chesney album.

If this is Chesney letting us know more about him, Buffett ought to get a restraining order, because Chesney obviously thinks he and Mr. Margaritaville are one and the same.

I can also testify that the jerkoff (that would be Sparks, not Chesney) insisted that I go to the Turf Club last night to see Grant Hart even though I was on deadline and then failed to show up. Even worse, he had the temerity to blame it on his girlfriend. What a stand-up guy, huh? I had to hang out with White Jimmy Gaines instead.

3. I can't stop listening to the somewhat new Todd Snider album that I bought Wednesday, East Nashville Skyline. I previously owned one of Snider's albums and was so unimpressed that I sold it. Maybe I just didn't give it enough of a listen. Or maybe going through rehab made Snider a more interesting fellow. Or maybe he's just getting better with age. Whatever the reason, this new album is fabulously smart and poignant and soulful and hilarious.

4. Speaking of John Prine, he's got a new album coming out in April. It's his first collection of new material in nine years.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 4, 2005 4:49 PM

 

Beasley

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DaMarcus Beasley, the waif-ish Fort Wayne, Indiana football prodigy,  is having an astoundingly good first season with PSV Eindhoven. The team is currently sitting atop the Dutch Eridivisie, having lost just once in 20 matches. Beasley's scored five goals in league play and three more times in European competition. He seems to have earned himself a permanent spot in the first team.

In yesterday's bizarre 4-1 pasting of bottom-feeders RBC Roosendaal (PSV was awarded an astounding four penalty kicks, but only managed to convert two of them) Beasley failed to score--but he played a vital role in three of the four goals.

Watch the highly entertaining highlights here. (Dig that music!)

Posted by Paul Demko at February 3, 2005 4:45 PM

 

LNW! Renounces Gang Ties

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I have officially resigned from the "Frogtown Tres Tres Crips." Thank you Laura Bush for showing me the light.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 3, 2005 11:08 AM

 

Programming Note

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I will be "live-blogging" the Lake Elmo City Council meeting tonight. Tune in at 6 p.m.

Posted by Paul Demko at February 3, 2005 10:51 AM

 

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