May 2005

Did they have to give away the ending?

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Posted by Paul Demko at May 26, 2005 6:58 AM

"Soon to be Glue" Halts Publication

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The official LNW! horseracing tip sheet, "Soon to be Glue," will cease publishing immediately. Subscribers will receive a full refund within 30 days.

For more than a year this humble handicapping guide has wrongly predicted every race but one. I chalked up last year's lone successful wager--a $2 win bet that netted $7.80--as a freak anomaly never to be duplicated. But I can't ignore what happened two weeks ago at Canterbury Park during the sixth race.

It was the final race before a long break for the Kentucky Derby. It was also the last race of the day that I planned to wager on. I had a $7 voucher in my pocket. Initially I put down a $2 exacta bet on the six and the three. Then at the last minute, based on some comment my pal Taco made, I threw my last $5 down on Sahab, a 10-1 longshot, to win.

It was a photo finish, but Sahab somehow just nipped Jo Jo Gun. My bet paid $48.50--enough to cover three beers, a sandwich, and all of my other losing bets that day. In other words, this win amounted to the greatest day at the track of my life.

So the yoke is off. The curse is gone. I'm a handicapping savant.

Here's what I'm betting on the Preakness tomorrow (based entirely on Andy Beyer's persuasive analysis):

$3 exacta: Greeley's Galaxy, Closing Argument

$2 trifecta: Greeley's Galaxy, Closing Argument, Afleet Alex

(By the way: How can anyone bet on a horse named after Sting's son? I hope that horse breaks both his legs tomorrow.)

Posted by Paul Demko at May 20, 2005 3:41 PM

Adu! Adu! Adu!

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The under-20 U.S. Men's National Team returns to Blaine this evening at 7:30 p.m. to take on Canada. Both teams are prepping for next month's World Youth Chamionship in the Netherlands. The U.S. squad faces a brutal path through the first round, grouped with Germany, Argentina and Egypt.

Not surprisingly the local media spotlight is all over Freddy Adu, but this team is stacked with talented players. Besides Adu, Eddie Gaven and Tim Ward have already proven themselves with the Metrostars. Hunter Freeman, Chad Barrett, and Danny Szetela are also regulars for their MLS squads. Then there are the guys that are still in high school or college that most people aren't even aware of. Marvell Wynne, a defender currently playing for UCLA, and Lee Nguyen, a high school midfielder from Texas, look to be two players whose profiles will soon rise.

I went out to Blaine yesterday for practice and spoke with head coach Sigi Schmid and assistant John Harkes. You can read the Q & A's over at Blue Sky Soccer.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 18, 2005 10:12 AM

Who says the two are mutually exclusive?

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Outstanding correction in the Arts & Leisure section of yesterday's New York Times:

Because of a transcription error, an article last Sunday in Summer Movies, Part 2 of this section, about the director Don Roos rendered a word incorrectly in his comment about the use of onscreen titles in his film "Happy Endings." He said, "I love foreign films, which have a lot of signage in them" - not "porno films." (Go to Article)

Posted by Paul Demko at May 16, 2005 9:18 AM

150,000 Served, No Lawsuits

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At some point today LNW! had its 150,000 visitor. Unfortunately it's impossible to nail down this special browser's exact identity. Perhaps it was the poor young lady searching for information on jello discharge vagina. Or possibly the horny poker enthusiast trolling for Annie Duke nude. But it was more than likely one of the forty lost souls who wandered here in the last 24 hours by simply typing the word nude into the MSN search engine.

I wish I could offer the lucky visitor some kind of prize, like a chili cheese dog or a Hasil Adkins album or an autographed copy of that picture at the top of the page. Sorry.

Welcome all! Better luck with your next search!

Posted by Paul Demko at May 12, 2005 6:19 PM

Hasil Adkins R.I.P.

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Am I the only who didn't hear that Hasil Adkins died? My friend David just sent me the news. He's been dead for some two weeks actually. Apparently from natural causes. He was 67 or 68, depending on which source you believe.

For those unfamiliar, Adkins was a world class bizarro rockabilly hero. He supposedly listened to Hank Williams on the radio as a kid in West Virginia and just assumed that the guy played all the instruments himself. So that's what Adkins did. He played the guitar and the drums and sang simultaneously. Sometimes he blew on the harp as well. He supposedly wrote somewhere between 5,000 and 7,000 songs during his lifetime, recording most of them on an old reel-to-reel machine. His specialties were beheading tales and songs about poultry. There's a short movie called The Wild World of Hasil Adkins that I've always wanted to see.

I can't really count myself as an ardent fan, more a respectful admirer. I own one Adkins album--the aptly titled Look at that Caveman Go!--and it's all but unlistenable. It's a live recording taken from shows in Maryland and West Virginia. Adkins variously screams, cackles, sings, and even does his own variation on the human beat box, all the while flailing away on the drums and guitar. I'd recommend smoking marijuana before attempting any appreciation of this stuff.

There are many strange Adkins tales--probably half of which are apocryphal. He supposedly drank two gallons of coffee a day and was known to consume several liters of vodka at a time. During one show he pulled out a gun mid-set and shot out the ceiling fan because it was bothering him. 

There were respectable write-ups in The Guardian and The New York Times, and The Charleston Daily Mail has a nice appreciation, but not much other notice. My favorite anecdote comes from The Guardian obit:

One recipient in 1970 of Adkins's music had been Richard Nixon, who received a tape courtesy of Virginia Senator Robert C Byrd. "I am very pleased by your thoughtfulness in bringing these particular selections to my attention," wrote the then president.

David says that Adkins sent a copy of every recording to the current occupant of the White House. About the only one you can possibly imagine listening to this depraved stuff is Bill Clinton (of course).

David and I plan to purchase Adkins' trailer in West Virginia and open up a museum.

"Like the Bible and toilet paper, the music of Hasil Adkins belongs in every household." -- Nick Tosches

Posted by Paul Demko at May 10, 2005 3:41 PM

Forget John Bolton

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Posted by Paul Demko at May 9, 2005 5:45 PM

Thunder Home Opener!

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The Minnesota Thunder's home opener is tomorrow evening at the Metrodome. Last Friday the team battled Portland to a 2-2 tie on the road. The home squad took a 2-1 lead in the first half. When Melvin Tarley was kicked out of the game for some kind of subversive act it looked like Minnesota would start the season with a loss. But Johnny Menyongar netted a spectacular goal in the 79th minute to earn the short-handed Thunder a point on the road. (You can see the goal here.)

Tomorrow night's game is a rematch against Portland. Tarley will be unavailable owing to last week's ejection. Also missing will be the team's new central defender Alejandro Diaz, who is injured. Aaron Paye and Brett Branan will fill their respective spots.

Thunder fans will be gathering at 3 p.m. at the Nomad World Pub to watch the Metrostars-Earthquakes game. Tailgating at the Dome will kick off around 5 p.m. Kickoff is at 7 p.m. 

Yesterday we had a little pick-up soccer game in Logan Park. I invited Sparks to play. This was his response.

Jesus Christ you filthy little Balkan pervert...not only are you going to try to get people to VOLUNTARILY play soccer, you're going to do it in MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I have a half a mind to show up with a shotgun full of rock salt shells and teach you the meaning of the word "AMURICAN."

The Indomitable Drinky Crows opened the season with a frustrating 0-0 tie. Despite dominating large chunks of the game and outshooting the opposition five-fold, we couldn't find the net. We are mid-table. This week's opponent: Tossed Fusion.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 6, 2005 4:11 PM

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