June 2005

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U.S. Open Cup

Filed under: Imported

The Minnesota Thunder play their first match of the U.S. Open Cup this evening at 7:05 p.m. at The Jimmy. Last year the Thunder advanced to the quarterfinals of the century-old tournament, the team's best showing ever. They were finally eliminated on penalty kicks after outplaying the San Jose Earthquakes, but failing to break a 2-2 tie.

The Thunder (4-3-4) have been in something of a funk lately. They played a stink bomb of a game on Friday against the Toronto Lynx, losing 2-1 to a team that had not won all season. The Thunder's defense continues to be porous and their overall passion lacking. In the first half of the Lynx game the squad collectively (and midfielder Jeff Matteo in particular) looked like they'd eaten a sack of White Castle double cheeseburgers prior to kick off.

They face a tough opponent in the Chicago Fire Premier this evening. Although the MLS-farm squad plays a division below the Thunder, they are currently unbeaten, outscoring opponents 24-6 through nine games. Several players, including Chris Rolfe, have advanced from this team to eventually play for the senior Chicago Fire team.

Looks likely to be played in a downpour.

(And oh yeah: the Indomitable Drinky Crows' playoff run ended tragically on Sunday. After going a man down in the opening 10 minutes--owing to some very strange officiating--we battled to a 1-1 draw, only to lose 5-4 on penalty kicks. Our supporters are in mourning. Several death threats have been issued to the referee. He's rumored to be leaving the profession. We are trying to quell the situation.)

Posted by Paul Demko at June 29, 2005 9:57 AM

 

For the record

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Kerri Miller is the most annoying person in the history of radio.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 24, 2005 10:28 AM

 

Footy

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I've been storing up all of my hare-brained thoughts on soccer for some while, unable to find the time to post. So be warned:

1. Ridiculously entertaining Minnesota Thunder game at The Jimmy on Saturday night. The good guys triumphed 4-3 over the Puerto Rico Islanders. The Thunder, with a record of 4-2-4, have proven quite enigmatic so far this season. Against Puerto Rico they played a lackluster first half, falling behind 2-1 and getting physically beaten up by the mammoth Islander defenders. Then in the second half the Thunder dominated possession, exploiting their superior speed and skill to score three unanswered goals in 30 minutes.

The biggest question mark about this team is defense. They've yielded more than four times as many goals as they had at this point last season. Brett Branan, the team's 22-year-old rookie central defender has been promising, but inconsistent (he headed in an own goal against Puerto Rico). The left side of the defense, alternately manned by Mike Wilson or C.J. Pezneker, has also proven problematic. Conversely the offense has sparkled. At this point in the 2004 season the Thunder had outscored opponents by a margin of 11-3. So far this year they've compiled an 18-14 scoring advantage.

The best song sung at The Jimmy so far this year (to the tune of the Addam's Family theme song):

Your uncle is your brother

Your sister is your mother

You're sleeping with each other

The Charleston Battery

Second best song sung at The Jimmy so far this year (to the tune of Frere Jacque):

Portland Timbers, Portland Timbers

What's that smell? What's that smell?

Dirty stinkin' hippies, dirty stinky hippies

In your town, in your town

The next game is Friday at 7:05 p.m. at The Jimmy. As usual you can get all Thunder information at Blue Sky Soccer. I should have some player interviews posted there on Friday.

2. D.C. United turned in perhaps the most scintillating half of soccer by any MLS squad this season on Saturday against the previously unbeaten Revolution. The score should've been 4-0 at the break, but Jaime Moreno inexplicably botched two sitters. I'd love to see Peter Nowak go for broke the rest of the season and play three forwards up front.

John Wilson was a fabulous pick-up at left back for United. He's been an absolute beast in the last two games. 

David Stokes must posses pictures of Peter Nowak buggering Freddy Adu. There's no other explanation for how that man continues to show up on the pitch. Stokes should've been charged with assault during the last five minutes of that Revolution match. He couldn't even make the first XI for the Indomitable Drinky Crows. He should be put down like a rabid dog.

3. The Metrostars are my sleeper pick to win the MLS Cup. Their midfield is arguably the best in the league (if Yuri Djorkaeff can stay healthy). The arrival of Ante Razov finally gives them some balls up front. But what the fuck is up with new GM Alexi Lalas whining about MLS' single-entity ownership structure? The league has done everything possible this side of rigging games to make the New York squad successful. Unfortunately the team's moronic management continually wastes money on old, ineffective players and can't get a decent stadium built. That's certainly not the league's fault. 

4. I was under the impression that goal scoring is up markedly this year in MLS. But I was wrong. I just did the math. Last year there were 2.6 goals scored per game. This year: 2.7 goals per game. Maybe I'm just more excitable this year.

5. The Indomitable Drinky Crows, defying all expectations, finished the regular season unbeaten. We compiled a record of 3-0-4, good enough for fifth in the table. Last Sunday, despite playing without five of our most decent players, we inexplicably beat one of the top teams in the league by a 3-1 score. I've never been so proud to be a Drinky Crow. Playoffs start Sunday.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 21, 2005 5:29 PM

 

Who would've guessed that that jackass down in Mississippi accused of the 1964 Klan killings was following the Jacko trial?

Filed under: Imported

But he seems to be employing the same legal strategy.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 17, 2005 10:55 AM

 

Footy

Filed under: Imported

1. George Best is one pathetic dude.

2. Sex garages for the World Cup.

3. The Minnesota Thunder somehow scraped out two victories and a tie last weekend from a hellacious three-game, 96-hour southern roadtrip. The team tied Puerto Rico, before drubbing Charleston and Atlanta by a combined score of 6-1.

The Thunder are now 3-1-4, putting them mid-table in the First Division. This is better than decent when you consider that they have only played two home matches so far. Now the team will enjoy a lengthy run at The Jimmy, playing seven of their next eight matches in St. Paul. 

The homestand starts Saturday night when Charleston come to town for a rematch. Folks will be kicking off the pre-game festivities early, starting at the Nomad World Pub. That fine watering hole will be showing the 3 p.m. Columbus-Colorado MLS match (which given the overwhelming stinkiness of those two clubs promises to be one of the dullest displays of soccer ever broadcast, unfortunately). Tailgating at the Jimmy will get underway around 5 p.m. Kickoff is 7:05 p.m. More details here.

I had hoped to get out to practice and conduct some interviews with Thunder players this week, but the front office failed to respond to my inquiry seeking the time and location of these kickabouts. No respect for LNW!

4. The Indomitable Drinky Crows garnered their first victory of the season last Sunday, 2-0. We are now 1-0-4, putting us eighth (out of 18 teams) in the table. We are the Inter Milan of Minnesota co-ed rec league soccer.

(My undoubtedly misguided musings about horseracing can be found over at Balls!--a sadly soccer-free zone owing to the bigoted views of certain CP staffers.)

Posted by Paul Demko at June 9, 2005 6:14 PM

 

Career advice

Filed under: Imported

I'm not exactly sure how you apply, but the cushiest job on the planet has got to be working security at the federal courthouse in downtown Minneapolis. I've been spending a lot of time in that building over the last few months and I'm yet to see any one of these geriatric dudes engage in any activity that could possibly be classified as work.

There's generally at least a half dozen of them standing around the metal detector in their wanna-be secret service blazers trying to look tough and important. (I'm guessing this severe overstaffing is some kind of reaction to both Oklahoma City and 9/11.) The arrival of a person passing through the metal detector--which seems to occur about every ten minutes--causes no discernable change in behavior among these gentleman. They do not respond to greetings or in any way acknowledge your presence. They simply stand there jawing with each other about the weather and their gall bladders.

If anyone knows how to land one of these positions please let me know.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 8, 2005 2:16 PM

 

Guess Who

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For the last week or so there's been a baseball cap emblazoned with the words Guess Who on the front floating around the CP offices. According to the discussion generated by this clothing item in today's editorial pow wow, this is the name of a current film starring Ashton Kutcher.

But naturally it brought to mind the rock band, primarily famous for singing "American Woman" and for being exploited by Norm Coleman.

When I was living down in South Florida, me and my pal Jay somehow got word that the Guess Who were going to be performing a concert out in the middle of the Everglades. More specifically, the Canadian legends were to be headlining the festivities for Chief Jim Billie's wedding at the Big Cypress Seminole Indian Reservation. So naturally we hopped in the car and drove the 60 miles out Alligator Alley to see if we could crash this affair.

For reasons that elude me, the wedding wasn't difficult to locate. We parked the car in the grass and headed for a huge tent that had been set up to host the party. Sure enough, there was a massive mountain of musical gear clearly identified as belonging to the Guess Who.

Unfortunately the party appeared to be something of a bummer. There were maybe 100 folks sitting around eating cake and drinking punch. A bunch of fat kids were running around and screaming. The Chief didn't seem to be on hand. Neither did the Guess Who (although I'm not sure I would have recognized them). There was no booze discernible. 

We decided to give up on the Guess Who and go get drunk in Weston. This seemed like a fantastically funny idea at the time because Weston is a super-rich suburb populated by members of the Miami Dolphins football squad and boiler room entrepreneurs. But we couldn't find any bars in Weston. So we ended up at the old reliable, Kim's Alley Bar.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 6, 2005 2:25 PM

 

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