I knew it would be problematic not to have a goalkeeper for the championship game. The fellow we drafted off the sidelines played well enough--except for that one moment when he inexplicably collapsed on the ground, allowing the enemy team to walk the ball into the net. So we lost 1-0. We hit two posts and had a ball cleared off the goal line in the dying minutes. But we're a good looking bunch, no?

Last year I had a gardener, Tom. He lives next door to me. Tom planted all kinds of tasty stuff in my backyard: tomatoes, bell peppers, lettuce, brussel sprouts, tomatoes, strawberries, tomatoes. Tom did about 95 percent of the work. I just ate the stuff.

This year Tom didn't seem interested in being my gardener. So I decided that I would do the work myself. I cleared out about half as much land as he had utilized last year and planted tomatoes and sweet peppers. Then I proceeded to watch it become overrun with weeds. It's now just an impenetrable mass of vegetation. Somewhere in there are probably some ripe, delicious tomatoes. But I can't get to them. So they're gonna rot. What a shame.

Last night I was watching Monday Night Football. I was appalled by Mark Brunell. He looked like the worst quarterback ever. He had the mobility of a snowman. I couldn't bear to watch it and turned off the TV. Apparently Brunell threw two touchdowns in the final four minutes to win the game. How did that happen?

I just stole the new Bobby Bare album from Hicksy. It's incredible. The most bombastic, ridiculous heap of countrypolitan slop I've ever heard.

Yeah, in case you somehow haven't heard, the not-so-mighty Minnesota Thunder finally crapped out of the U.S. Open Cup. A 5-2 thumping by the Galaxy. It was a great run, but now the season is officially over. Meaning I'll have to come up with new excuses to drink beer and scream at strangers.

But all is not lost for Minnesota soccer fans. The Indomitable Drinky Crows, after starting our current campaign 0-3-1 have inexplicably advanced to the playoff finals. We have won four straight, last Sunday thumping a team 3-0 that had previously beaten us. I even had an assist in that game--a highly unusual development. Unfortunately both of our goalkeepers will be missing for the final. This seems somewhat problematic. We're expecting a capacity crowd on Sunday for the championship match so show up early. The first 10,000 fans will receive a free slice of bologna. The 10,001 person to arrive gets to be our goalie. Kickoff is 12:30 p.m. at Fort Snelling.

On Saturday afternoon my friend Andy and I stumbled into the Nomad World Pub. There were several tables of patrons inside watching the Iowa-Iowa State football game on the TV. They were all, it was eventually discerned, natives of Dubuque, Iowa. Apparently these Dubuqians get together in Minneapolis annually. This was the first time the event had been held in a bar, rather than in someone's home. There was a guy in a coon-skin hat who was supposed to be "Julian Dubuque"--apparently the founder of Dubuque. There was also a massive casserole dish filled with what I was told was "turkey dressing." Apparently this is a long-time staple of Dubuquian cuisine. The stuff looked a bit like mashed potatoes. It tasted like turkey in wet concrete. The only way I could finish a respectable amount of my turkey dressing sandwich--which I felt compelled to do since it had graciously been given to me for free--was to cover it in several tablespoons of mayonnaise. There was also free Summit beer, which I had no trouble stomaching. This event left me with mixed feelings about Dubuque.

The Minnesota's Thunder's regular season ended Saturday night in quite dismal fashion. They lost 3-1 to the Atlanta Silverbacks. It was a pitiful game. Neither team really had anything to play for (since both had already been knocked out of the playoff picture) and their play reflected this reality. Given that it was the legendary Buzz Lagos' last game as head coach of the Thunder, it would've been nice to see the players show a little guts and get him a win as a parting gift. Instead they played like there'd been a mass outbreak of lupus in the locker room. It was sad, really.

But there's no time to dwell on that miserable affair. That's because on Wednesday night the Thunder will play arguably the biggest game in franchise history. They will take on the Los Angeles Galaxy in the semifinals of the U.S. Open Cup. This is the farthest the Thunder have ever advanced in the 91-year-old tournament. Along the way they've secured three stunning upsets over MLS squads, outscoring their supposedly superior soccer opponents by a combined score of 13-6. Wednesday's game, unfortunately, is in L.A. And I, unfortunately, do not own an airplane or posses much money at present, so will therefore not be attending. Luckily there will be a video feed, organized by the Thunder, shown at the lovely Sweetwater Grille & Bar. Cost of admission is $10. Kickoff is 10 p.m. CST. Details here. See y'all there.

Mark has ordered me to list 10 songs that I'm unhealthily obsessed with. I always listen to Mark:

1. "Like Rasputin," Amy Rigby

2. "Oompa Loompa," Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (Yeah, I know that's not the artist; i'm not a complete moron; but i have no idea who the artist is and I'm too lazy to look it up.)

3. "Village Ghetto Land," Stevie Wonder

4. "America," Neil Diamond (This song's been on a constant loop in my brain since May of 1995. It's kind of annoying.)

5. "Dinner at Eight," Rufus Wainwright

6. "Joe Rey," Fountains of Wayne

7. "We All Gotta Do Something," Andy Hoeveler/Paul Demko

8. "Hornets Hornets," The Hold Steady

9. "The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism," The New Pornographers

10. "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, USA, USA!," Sam's Army (The post game celebration Saturday was glorious. Wish I was there.)

Since Bruce is off to Columbus, I have taken on the grave task of updating the news. It is now posted at Du Nord.

There are a couple of really, really important events going on this weekend. Unfortunately I won't be attending either of them because (last I checked) they're still charging admission to get on airplanes.

The first, of course, is U.S.A. v. Mexico in Columbus, Ohio. There are several carloads of folks from the Twin Cities making the trek. It will undoubtedly be an outrageous and ridiculously fun journey.

The U.S. is seeking revenge for its Easter Sunday 2-1 defeat in Mexico City. It was only the second time in the last nine matches that the Mexicans managed to defeat the Americans. But historically Mexico still owns a massive advantage: 29-11-10. There's all kinds of great stuff over at the U.S. Soccer site, including a sweet podcast about the "La Guerra Fria" match from four years ago.

Us losers who can't make it out to Columbus will be gathering at The Local in the Twin Cities to watch the match. Kickoff is 6:30 p.m. CST on ESPN Classic.

The other notable event of the weekend is the first annual DisGraceland Ball. My pal David will be slaughtering a pig on his slab of land outside State College, Pennsylvania and serving it up to anyone who bangs on his door. The reasons for this gathering still elude me, but I'm certain that it will be one of the great events of the 21st century. Email me if you need directions