November 2005

Thanks to whomever left the vacuum cleaner in my backyard. Unfortunately it doesn't work.

I mentioned the other day that I went to Dallas to eat cheese and attend the MLS Cup. Most of the trip was spent lost in the wasteland known as the north Dallas suburbs. We concluded that the area looked like a war zone where the only rule was that both factions must leave all chain restaurants unscathed.

One of the few successful sidetrips was to visit Dealey Plaza, where JFK was assassinated 42 years ago. There are two X's in the road to mark the President's location when he was gunned down. Tourists were dodging traffic to have their pictures taken on the spots.

Nearby is Sonny Bryan's Smokehouse where I subsequently had some delicious brisket and mac n' cheese.

Posted by Paul Demko at November 23, 2005 7:21 AM

Tomorrow at 1 p.m. CST we will be gathering at my house to watch El Classico, Barcelona v. Real Madrid. Please join us. Bring beer. And drums.

You will not be seeing me for a long time. Maybe not until spring. Which is good news, at least for me. Because if I'm not around then you can't breathe on me. And if you can't breathe on me then I can't contract the bird flu. And if I can't contract the bird flu then I won't suffocate to death. (Or at least it becomes much less likely that I will suffocate to death.)

I've been reading Mike Davis' book, The Monster at Our Door: The Global Threat of Avian Flu. Someone please alert me when it's safe to come back outside. Until then I'll be watching TV.

Last weekend I went to Dallas and ate cheese. Cheese nachos. Cheese quesadillas. Shredded cheese. Bacon, egg, and cheese burritos. Cheese enchiladas. The best cheese products were consumed at Joe T. Garcia's, the biggest restaurant I have ever visited. I didn't shit for four days.

I also attended the MLS Cup in Dallas. Or Frisco, to be exact, about 40 miles north of Dallas. Have you ever seen Dallas from a DC-9 at night? Me neither. I cheered for the L.A. Galaxy because their awesomely retarded fans gave me tequila before the game. My allegiance is easily bought.

I just wrote a song. It's called "180 Channels". Feel free to record it:

Food network, TNT, FX, MTV

Bravo, IFC, ESPN, AMC

180 channels, I'll never leave home again
180 channels, I'm not gonna die of no bird flue

Fox Soccer, Gol TV, Fox News, CNBC
Spike, Soap, Speed, Toon, Lifetime, Fuse, Boom

180 channels, I'll never leave home again
180 channels, I'm not gonna die of no bird flue

Sundance, Biography, VH1, History
FX, AMC, TBS, BBC

180 channels, I'll never leave home again
180 channels, I'm not gonna die of no bird flue

Posted by Paul Demko at November 18, 2005 1:42 PM

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