March 2006

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What is the best bbq joint in Kansas City? Missouri, not Kansas

There's nothing more annoying about poker players than their bad beat tales. If you spend enough time around card players, particularly bad ones, you hear these sad-sack stories constantly, an endless litany of the various ways in which they've been unfairly oppressed at the poker table.

First of all most of these stories are lies. The person telling the bad-beat tale might actually believe every word of what they're saying. But this is just a psychological mechanism to shield themselves from the fact that they are ignorant, undisciplined poker players.

Secondly, most of these yarns, if carefully scrutinized, aren't even technically bad-beat tales. They're simply stories about how a bad player played a hand poorly and got punished.

Thirdly, it's called gambling for a reason! Of course you're going to suffer bad beats. That's the nature of the game. If you don't like it go play trivial pursuit--or some other game that is solely meritocratic.

That said, I'm now going to burden you with my bad-beat saga from Monday night. I rarely play poker out at Canterbury Park. Why? Because I lose. Of the dozen or so times I've gone out there to play cards during the last six years I've probably walked out ahead twice. That's not a win-loss ratio with very good long-term financial implications.

Why do I lose? I don't know. Probably because I play poorly. But like every gambler I'm inclined to blame the high house rake, the erratic behavior of low limit players, and bad luck.

I went out there Monday night because they were holding the first Chippy Poker "Biscuit Invitational". Naturally I couldn't resist sitting down at a $2/$4 limit hold 'em table with $80.

For the first hour I pretty much treaded water, winning a couple of meager pots. But then things headed south quickly. My pair of aces got outkicked and my trip fives got sucked out on by a straight.

So I'm down to about half my stack when the table starts to get screwy, as it so often does with low stakes poker. The guy one off the big blind puts out a live straddle, meaning he's raised the bet to $4 without looking at his cards. Then the guy next to him--a talkative, drunken jackass--raises it up to $6. Everyone folds around to me. I look down to see Ace-King, both of diamonds. I call. (Should I have re-raised there?)

We've got four people in the pot. The flop comes Ace, two, nine, with the latter two cards being clubs. Now the Jackass who'd made it $6 before the flop leads out with a $2 bet. I bump it up to $4. There are two callers, including the Jackass.

Fourth street brings another rag, not of clubs. So now I've got top pair, but some fear of a flush draw. The Jackass checks. I bet $4. The other dude folds. Jackass calls.

Now the river: ten of clubs. Jackass bets. I know I'm beat. He's obviously hit the flush. But I'm also obviously pot committed, so I call. He flips over two clubs. I lose.

But here's the kicker. The two clubs that the Jackass showed? Five and seven! This moron raised it up to three bets before the flop with five-seven suited! And got paid off handsomely for doing so. I then proceeded to quickly give away the rest of my stack.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 29, 2006 4:38 PM

 

Apologies to the owner of the van that was hit by my automobile in downtown Minneapolis this afternoon when I failed to engage the parking brake. Thanks for leaving that note on the windshield letting me know that no damage had been done.

Mr. Fish is incredible. He's an evil, sadistic, outrageously funny human being. You should check him out.

I really thought Edson Buddle was going to have a huge season for Columbus this year. But then they went and traded him today to the Harrison Jager Bombs. Which means he must be back on the hooch. Because everything that organization touches turns to shite.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 28, 2006 6:41 PM

 

The greatest news ever

The Minnesota Thunder's April 23rd opener has been moved to The Jimmy. Admission will be free. Attendance is mandatory. I will buy everyone beer. See you then.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 17, 2006 9:32 AM

 

Have you purchased your Bunky County season tickets?

The greatest rock n' roll band on the planet will be live on the internets today at 2 p.m. CST. Just go here.

The new album is growing on me. You philistines will be permitted to purchase it next month.

UPDATE: I just noticed that the DBTs are slated to play First Avenue on May 17th.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 17, 2006 8:23 AM

 

This is dedicated to the man who plows my sidewalk every time it snows, whoever you are.

I was going to post a rant about what a bunch of sissies Minnesotans are when it comes to snow. A few inches fall and the whole place goes into upheaval. This morning's big dump of white stuff has been treated by the media as if it were about as likely as spotting an East African Bongo skating across Lake Calhoun. But then I stopped by the Midway Big Top liquor store on my way home from work and discovered that it was closed--and I wept.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 13, 2006 6:01 PM

 

Does anyone else find it suspicious that the head of the NCAA men's tournament selection committee is the University of Virginia's athletic director? If Maryland doesn't get a bid I will be filing a formal protest

The Pi Press' "Sainted & Tainted" column is brilliant. Today's edition is particularly stunning in its display of inanity and weirdness. Here's my favorite entry:

Tainted: To the individual(s) who caused the African Grey Parrot to be removed from the HarMar Pet Store because they repeatedly accused the owner of abusing/mistreating the bird and would not accept the explanation that Smoky was under a vet's care. The vet has tried hormone treatments and dietary changes on the bird, but Smoky continues to periodically pull out his breast feathers for unknown reasons. You have caused my feathered friend to be taken from me and the many people who regularly stopped to see him. While you are to be commended for caring about him, it angers me that your tirades caused the bird to be removed.

If Smoky misses his visitors as much as we miss him, you have also done him a great disservice, for he now spends the day at home, alone.

KATHLEEN BALDWIN

Falcon Heights

I think Smoky was acting completely reasonable under the circumstances.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 11, 2006 10:54 AM

 

Is the new Kris Kristofferson album out yet? I'm not sure because, as a powerful member of the media, I got it for free in the mail a month ago. If it is out you should buy the album because it's super good.

There isn't a single interesting competition going on right now in the top European soccer leagues. Every single one is an absolute yawner.

Chelsea has had the English Premiership wrapped up since December. Barcelona could rest Ronaldinho the rest of the season and still finish atop La Liga. Serie A? I can't hardly watch it because they spend the whole time flopping around on the ground like epileptics. But disregarding that momentarily, Juventus has thoroughly crushed the competition from beginning to end. France (Lyon) and Germany (Bayern Munich) are almost as lacking in suspense and intrigue. You could almost make a case for the Eredivisie still being up for grabs, but even there I'd bet my entire John Prine collection that PSV will end up Dutch champions.

Why do soccer fans tolerate this complete lack of competitiveness in the top leagues? What is the point of Chelsea playing Sunderland? How can they in good conscious charge people to watch Treviso take on Juventus? Who could possibly be interested in such matches? Thank god for the Champions League.

Flaws and all, I'm ready for the MLS season. The talent may be suspect, the payrolls pitiful, the play ugly and uninspired, the refereeing dicey, and the playing conditions occassionally comic. But it's our league, damnit, and at least every team (okay, except for Chivas) has a legitimate chance at winning the title. (Of course, the regular season is rendered rather meaningless by the fact that pretty much every team makes the playoffs. But I'm going to gloss over that for now.)

Who would've possibly thought that the San Jose Clash, San Jose Earthquakes, Houston 1836, Red Bull Baton Rouge (whatever the fuck that team coached by Dom Kinnear is called) were capable of putting up the season they did last year, finishing with a league-best 18-4-10 record?

There have been many strange happenings around the MLS in recent weeks. I'm not smart enough to know if they're all good or bad. Probably a mix of both. But three weeks from tomorrow I'll be in Kansas City to witness the start of season eleven, as the Wizards take on the Sigi-fied Columbus Crew. Yeahaw.

Posted by Paul Demko at March 9, 2006 4:18 PM

 

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