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Does anyone need a toner cartridge for a Hewlett Packard printer? I found one in my yard yesterday. It appears to be brand new

I went to Kansas City last weekend for the MLS opener with three other jackasses. We listened to a lot of Van Halen and Grand Funk Railroad. We learned that Missouri has not (contrary to all the rumors circulating on the internets) run out of ice. We ate BBQ at the legendary Arthur Bryant's. (Unfortunately my brisket was cold and kind of nasty. The ribs were excellent, though, as were the pickles.) We drank orange-flavored Mad Dog and tall boys of Miller High Life in the Arrowhead Stadium parking lot. We sang the old chestnut "Do You Want a Pickle?" to Sigi Schmid. We assembled the historical narrative of Bunky County FC. And we watched a lot of soccer.

What did I learn from the opening weekend of MLS?

Motel 6 is now sponsoring the league, which excites me for reasons that I don't fully understand. (Probably some kind of repressed homo love for Tom Bodett)

Colorado can't possibly be as bad as last week's game would seem to indicate. Given that Clint Mathis and Dedi Ben-Dayan both went down with injuries in the first half, they probably aren't quite that dreadful. By mid-season expect to see the same dull, semi-competent side that we've grown to ignore over the last several years.

It might, however, be a truly miserable seven months for the Columbus Crew. I was excited to see the team's new Chilean midfielder, Sebastian Rozental, figuring he might be the key to a young team piecing together a decent season. But he was atrocious against K.C. Fat, lazy, indifferent. Like a balding Carlos Valderrama--minus the wizardry on the ball.

Without Landon Donovan, L.A. is a bad team. With him, they're probably capable of duplicating last year's .500 record.

Here's the only advice I can come up with for Real Salt Lake: scrap that ridiculous name, shred all evidence that the franchise ever existed, and start from scratch. One new name possibility: the Sandy Pirates. Is Nikolas Besagno ever going to play?

Puta madre Chivas USA! I have no idea what that means, but Chivas might prove to be the best side in the league. For all the flare the team displayed last week in thumping the Sandy Pirates (and that was without John O'Brien!), the most important addition is probably the steady presence of Claudio Suarez at the back. Let's see what happens when they play a real team in D.C. this weekend.

And the most exciting news of the weekend: no more in-game commercials! Let's pray this wasn't a week-one aberration.

Posted by Paul Demko at April 7, 2006 1:20 PM

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