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There's a big-ass house fire burning about a block from my house

But the other day when it arrived I couldn't help at least peeking at the preface and introduction. Unfortunately it's not a promising start. I can almost forgive Wilsey, the author of the introduction, for bizarrely claiming that America's hopes rest on young Freddy Adu. It's a ridiculously erroneous assertion and one that no one with even passing knowledge of the U.S. team (let alone the editor of a supposedly learned volume about the world's greatest sporting extravaganza) would make. But I could get over that.

Wilsey's unpardonable sin, though, is this assanine statement:

There are irritating fans: "USA! USA! USA!" (Blessedly few.)

To compound matters, Mr. Wilsey, who lives in NYC (last time I checked part of the horrid USA), goes on to describe how he went about choosing which team to cheer for during previous world cups. Now I'm no Toby-Keith-stick-an-American-boot-up-their-turbaned-asses jingo, but the whole point of the World Cup is national passion. You don't get to choose which country to cheer for any more than you get to choose your mother. It's too late dude. You were born here. You live here. Cheer for the USA. Or don't cheer at all. Or move to Togo. Those are the only options.

Then when I didn't think it possible for Mr. Wilsey to lower himself any further in my estimation, he goes on to describe how during the 1990 World Cup he decided to cheer for Italy. Now anyone with more than three brain cells knows that Italy produces the most loathsome species of soccer players on the planet. The whole nation is afflicted with some rare genetic disorder that causes them to immediately begin flopping around on the ground in faux-agony as soon as they step onto a soccer pitch. They're an insult to the game. Plus they're corrupt. How anyone could possible choose to cheer for such a team when not bound to by the misfortune of birth is inexplicable.

I'm afraid it's going to be a highly annoying World Cup for Mr. Wilsey. Because there aren't going to be "blessedly few" USA supporters in Germany. There's going to be a hell of a lot of us. And we're going to make a glorious racket. But don't worry. We'll come up with something a lot more interesting than USA! USA! USA! to sing.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 27, 2006 1:08 PM

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