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Is it just me or does it increasingly seem like Ricardo Clark deserves to be voted MLS player of the year?

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Yeah, in case you somehow haven't heard, the not-so-mighty Minnesota Thunder finally crapped out of the U.S. Open Cup. A 5-2 thumping by the Galaxy. It was a great run, but now the season is officially over. Meaning I'll have to come up with new excuses to drink beer and scream at strangers.

But all is not lost for Minnesota soccer fans. The Indomitable Drinky Crows, after starting our current campaign 0-3-1 have inexplicably advanced to the playoff finals. We have won four straight, last Sunday thumping a team 3-0 that had previously beaten us. I even had an assist in that game--a highly unusual development. Unfortunately both of our goalkeepers will be missing for the final. This seems somewhat problematic. We're expecting a capacity crowd on Sunday for the championship match so show up early. The first 10,000 fans will receive a free slice of bologna. The 10,001 person to arrive gets to be our goalie. Kickoff is 12:30 p.m. at Fort Snelling.

Posted by Paul Demko at September 16, 2005 4:14 PM

 

The other day I was walking down Grand Avenue and my shorts fell down nearly to my ankles. There were lots of people sitting on the sidewalk drinking coffee at the time. None of them said anything. I've got to sew that button back on, or at least wear a b

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On Saturday afternoon my friend Andy and I stumbled into the Nomad World Pub. There were several tables of patrons inside watching the Iowa-Iowa State football game on the TV. They were all, it was eventually discerned, natives of Dubuque, Iowa. Apparently these Dubuqians get together in Minneapolis annually. This was the first time the event had been held in a bar, rather than in someone's home. There was a guy in a coon-skin hat who was supposed to be "Julian Dubuque"--apparently the founder of Dubuque. There was also a massive casserole dish filled with what I was told was "turkey dressing." Apparently this is a long-time staple of Dubuquian cuisine. The stuff looked a bit like mashed potatoes. It tasted like turkey in wet concrete. The only way I could finish a respectable amount of my turkey dressing sandwich--which I felt compelled to do since it had graciously been given to me for free--was to cover it in several tablespoons of mayonnaise. There was also free Summit beer, which I had no trouble stomaching. This event left me with mixed feelings about Dubuque.

The Minnesota's Thunder's regular season ended Saturday night in quite dismal fashion. They lost 3-1 to the Atlanta Silverbacks. It was a pitiful game. Neither team really had anything to play for (since both had already been knocked out of the playoff picture) and their play reflected this reality. Given that it was the legendary Buzz Lagos' last game as head coach of the Thunder, it would've been nice to see the players show a little guts and get him a win as a parting gift. Instead they played like there'd been a mass outbreak of lupus in the locker room. It was sad, really.

But there's no time to dwell on that miserable affair. That's because on Wednesday night the Thunder will play arguably the biggest game in franchise history. They will take on the Los Angeles Galaxy in the semifinals of the U.S. Open Cup. This is the farthest the Thunder have ever advanced in the 91-year-old tournament. Along the way they've secured three stunning upsets over MLS squads, outscoring their supposedly superior soccer opponents by a combined score of 13-6. Wednesday's game, unfortunately, is in L.A. And I, unfortunately, do not own an airplane or posses much money at present, so will therefore not be attending. Luckily there will be a video feed, organized by the Thunder, shown at the lovely Sweetwater Grille & Bar. Cost of admission is $10. Kickoff is 10 p.m. CST. Details here. See y'all there.

Posted by Paul Demko at September 12, 2005 5:56 PM

 

I really shouldn't go to the track today, but I am anyway. It's the last day of the season.

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Mark has ordered me to list 10 songs that I'm unhealthily obsessed with. I always listen to Mark:

1. "Like Rasputin," Amy Rigby

2. "Oompa Loompa," Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (Yeah, I know that's not the artist; i'm not a complete moron; but i have no idea who the artist is and I'm too lazy to look it up.)

3. "Village Ghetto Land," Stevie Wonder

4. "America," Neil Diamond (This song's been on a constant loop in my brain since May of 1995. It's kind of annoying.)

5. "Dinner at Eight," Rufus Wainwright

6. "Joe Rey," Fountains of Wayne

7. "We All Gotta Do Something," Andy Hoeveler/Paul Demko

8. "Hornets Hornets," The Hold Steady

9. "The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism," The New Pornographers

10. "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, USA, USA!," Sam's Army (The post game celebration Saturday was glorious. Wish I was there.)

Posted by Paul Demko at September 5, 2005 12:36 PM

 

Last night I went to see Neil Diamond. It was kind of bad, but I enjoyed the super schmaltzy stuff, like "America" and "I am ... I Said"

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Since Bruce is off to Columbus, I have taken on the grave task of updating the news. It is now posted at Du Nord.

Posted by Paul Demko at September 2, 2005 2:31 PM

 

My mother made me remove that malicious post about a certain hotel in Duluth.

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There are a couple of really, really important events going on this weekend. Unfortunately I won't be attending either of them because (last I checked) they're still charging admission to get on airplanes.

The first, of course, is U.S.A. v. Mexico in Columbus, Ohio. There are several carloads of folks from the Twin Cities making the trek. It will undoubtedly be an outrageous and ridiculously fun journey.

The U.S. is seeking revenge for its Easter Sunday 2-1 defeat in Mexico City. It was only the second time in the last nine matches that the Mexicans managed to defeat the Americans. But historically Mexico still owns a massive advantage: 29-11-10. There's all kinds of great stuff over at the U.S. Soccer site, including a sweet podcast about the "La Guerra Fria" match from four years ago.

Us losers who can't make it out to Columbus will be gathering at The Local in the Twin Cities to watch the match. Kickoff is 6:30 p.m. CST on ESPN Classic.

The other notable event of the weekend is the first annual DisGraceland Ball. My pal David will be slaughtering a pig on his slab of land outside State College, Pennsylvania and serving it up to anyone who bangs on his door. The reasons for this gathering still elude me, but I'm certain that it will be one of the great events of the 21st century. Email me if you need directions

Posted by Paul Demko at September 1, 2005 5:54 PM

 

Last night we were flying the Liberian flag

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This morning, after arriving home from Kansas City at approximately 6 a.m., I climbed into bed hoping to catch a few hours of shut eye prior to work. I had a very vivid dream that involved Godfrey Tenoff showing up unexpectedly at my Frogtown bungalow. It was not clear from the dream exactly why Tenoff was visiting me at home. I've never had a conversation with the dogged Thunder midfielder previously--unless you count screaming at him from the bleachers of The Jimmy. But the most striking aspect of the dream was that the interior of my house was covered--quite literally--with ants and flies. They were swarming everywhere, crawling over my body and biting me, as I attempted to engage Mr. Tenoff in conversation.

And then I was awoken by the sound of Warren Zevon's "Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me" coming from the clock radio.

Which can only mean this: Thunder 3, Wizards 1 in last night's U.S Open Cup quarterfinal.

Our tribe of 40-plus fanaticos made our presence felt in K.C. last night. Fueled by a seven-hour bus ride of Town Hall growlers and Steel Reserve lager, we were a red-faced, full-throated horde by kickoff. The feeble K.C. supporters sounded like they were witnessing a synchronized swimming competition by comparison.

Song of the night, penned on the bus ride down:

Oompa Loompa Dompadee Doo

The Royals are crap and the Wizards are too

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee

Your best player's in the AARP

I'm sure the Wizards faithful--all 408 of them--enjoyed that one. (Can we please move this franchise to a town that will support it? They've had a decade to establish support and can't get 2,000 fans out for an Open Cup quarterfinal?)

The game was actually quite evenly contested. The Thunder simply buried their opportunities, while K.C. squandered theirs. Johnny Menyongar was a hellion all night, scoring two goals and creating the third. Melvin Tarley was nearly as dangerous, only kept off the score sheet by an acrobatic save from the KC goalkeeper. The Liberian duo are now the top two scorers among the four teams left in the Open Cup. In the Thunder's three triumphs over MLS squads the good guys have scored a remarkable 13 goals. By comparison they're averaging just 1.33 goals per game in 1st Division competition. I'm at a loss to explain the Jeckle-Hyde nature of the team's season.

Owing no doubt to his remarkable Open Cup performances, Tarley has been loaned to Real Salt Lake for the remainder of the season. Great news for him. He's earned a look by MLS--and the Mormons can certainly use some more firepower up front. Given that it's Tarley's third full season with the Thunder, it's easy to forget that he's still just 21 years old. The kid's upside is tremendous. Few forwards possess his combination of speed, strength, and relentless determination to get the ball into the net by any possible means. Even better: Tarley will still be available to the Thunder for the Open Cup semifinals on September 14th against the L.A. Galaxy at the Home Depot Center. Is another road trip in order?

I don't usually waste my breath bitching about the lack of media coverage accorded soccer. I don't really give a flying fuck if Patrick Reusse and Tom Powers get their jollies belittling it as a little girl's game. That's their prerogative. And since I can't convince my own paper to print any soccer coverage it'd be more than a little hypocritical to throw rocks. But the media is missing an extraordinary David v. Goliath story by pretty much ignoring the Thunder's remarkable run through the Open Cup. Can't one reporter assigned with chronicling the relative health of Matt Birk's groin be spared?

One grim side note: As last night's game ended and we were exchanging love with the grateful Thunder players and coaches, a couple of  K.C. cretins came over to our section intent on trouble. They started mixing it up with some Thunder supporters and a small melee broke out. The cops, warily watching over our section all night, immediately pulled out the pepper spray and doused everyone in the vicinity. They didn't even make an effort to sort things out before engaging in this unnecessary use of force.

Luckily none of our tribe were arrested. The two K.C. numbskulls were hauled off to jail. It made for a somewhat crappy end to the night and a rather somber bus ride home. Which is probably just as well. I needed some sleep.

(photo courtesy of Joe Leyba)

Posted by Paul Demko at August 25, 2005 2:59 PM

 

Fred Flintstone

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I was reading through some criminal complaints at the Ramsey County Courthouse this morning. One of them involved a DUI arrest shortly after 1 p.m. on July 1st. The woman had plowed into a parked vehicle on Hawthorne Avenue on the East Side of St. Paul. She promised the vehicle's owner that she'd pay for the damages and then returned home.

When the police arrived at her residence a few minutes later the woman claimed that she was busy entertaining wedding guests in the backyard. Among the purported guests: Fred Flintstone.

The woman was charged with DUI and a slew of other motor-vehicle-related crimes. She'd been convicted of DUI at least 5 previous times in the last 15 years.

Stories such as this one are why I'm taking a bus to Kansas City tomorrow morning. I don't want to find myself explaining to some Missouri cop at 2 a.m. that Fred Flintstone--rather than myself--was responsible for plowing the car into a dumpster in some god forsaken strip mall parking lot.

I'll be joining roughly 45 other jackasses on the bus to watch the Minnesota Thunder eviscerate the Kansas City Wizards tomorrow evening in the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open Cup. The Thunder's league season has run completely off the rails. This is all they have left to play for. Hopefully their conduct on the field will reflect this fact.

The Wizards are probably playing better than any other MLS team right now. But they'll be without their two best defenders (Jimmy Conrad and Jose Burciaga, Jr., who had the distinct honor of getting humiliated in Madrid today) and their most dangerous forward (Josh Wolff, injury).

C'mon Thunder

Posted by Paul Demko at August 23, 2005 6:29 PM

 

I didn't even get there in time to score a free Crocrock t-shirt

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Good god, what a miserable afternoon at the track yesterday. Didn't cash a lousy cent all freaking day long. Nine bloody races of futile, hopeless gambling. It was like a flashback to 2002, or 2003, or 2004. These are supposed to be the gravy days of 2005! By the third race I knew that every single god-damned bet I laid down was going to be a dog, but I kept going up to the ticket window anyway until the crappy little bank account that I'd allotted myself for the day had dwindled to nothing. Sparks had no better luck, but he doesn't seem to have the psychological constitution (such as I possess) to accept being a loser. By the ninth race he was threatening to knife jockeys and disembowel thoroughbreds and do various unpleasant things that can't be published in a family-friendly forum such as this to Pat Day. We had to spike his beer with some hastily acquired horse tranquilizers and even then we couldn't let him out of our sight.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 22, 2005 3:41 PM

 

Breaking news: Cell phone resuscitated!

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Phone sex all weekend!

Posted by Paul Demko at August 19, 2005 5:39 PM

 

I finally got the music issue of the Oxford American the other day. It seems, at initial glance, to operate on the editorial philosophy that southerners (particularly black southerners) stopped creating vital music around 1964

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Someone might want to have a talk with Clint Dempsey about this.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 16, 2005 6:12 PM

 

My cell phone has run out of juice. I left the charger in Duluth. Last night I got drunk on Vermouth. That's why I'm not returning your call--if you called me

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I wish the U.S. would adopt this technique to combat Muslim extremists.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 16, 2005 3:24 PM

 

High gas prices are a result of the Gorelick Memo

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I was just listening to Dan Cole on KFAN. One of his callers asked a good question: "Can all those insane Christians who voted for George Bush still afford to drive to church?"

Posted by Paul Demko at August 16, 2005 2:20 PM

 

Bunky 3, Bunnies 0

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The cleansing of baby bunnies from Van Buren Avenue is complete. Bunky felled the last little critter on Friday morning. This one he left to rot on the sidewalk thankfully. No dramatic drunken circling of the beast armed with a litter scoop this time.

The Thunder's (5-8-8) season could come down to tonight's game against Vancouver. They're in a five-way scrum for the final 1st Division playoff spot and need three points badly. The team has been playing better of late--embarrassing Colorado 4-1 in the U.S. Open Cup and then gutting out two ties on the road this weekend against tough competition--but they need some victories. They've been dissapointingly mediocre this season at The Jimmy, going 3-4-3 while getting outscored 17-15.

I gotta get me a Powerball. It's up to $92 million.

I interviewed Joe Ely last week. He was kind and funny. Go see him tonight at Lee's Liquor Lounge.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 10, 2005 3:44 PM

 

Guess who hit a $120 trifecta at the track last night?

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That's right, me, motherfucker. On the very next race my bro and I were convinced that we'd hit the trifecta and the exacta. But the race came in 5-4-6, not 1-4-6--as our beer-hooded eyes perceived. We were hugging each other and jumping around the track like a couple of gay schoolgirls. When the results came up we felt quite foolish. The bro did hit a nice $38.50 exacta on the seventh race.

The curse of Demko is officially vanquished.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 5, 2005 10:45 AM

 

The Governor will be there, handing out free pickles

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When I was a kid, probably nine years old, I played on the Mello Yello, Wicomico County rec league soccer team. Our coach was Mr. Gutierrez, a foul-mouthed fire hydrant of a man who screamed a constant litany of indecipherable commands (think Spanish meets Delmarva Peninsula chicken farmer patois) at us that we never quite managed to follow.

The under-10 Mello Yello soccer team went the entire season without winning a game. In fact, we went the entire season without scoring a goal--unless, that is, you count goals scored in our own net. The games generally ended with marginally respectable scores of 4-0 or 5-0, but would have been infinitely worse if not for Chuck, our goalkeeper, a pudgy, freckle-faced, blonde-haired kid of improbable grace. At age 9, Chuck already had the weary stoicism of one who is resigned to spending his life cleaning up other people's shit stains. By the end of the season he'd more than earned the posture.

Which somehow inevitably leads to this: Minnesota Thunder v. Colorado Rapids, 7 p.m., tonight at The Jimmy!

See you there.

(Anthony and I interviewed Rapids' coach Fernando Clavijo last evening. You can read the phenomenal results here.)

Posted by Paul Demko at August 3, 2005 10:44 AM

 

The Buzzard

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Buzz Lagos announced today that this will be his last season as coach of the Minnesota Thunder. He's the only coach the Thunder has ever known, helping found the team 16 years ago. He's tutored numerous heralded pros--including his own son Manny Lagos, Tony Sanneh, Mark Schulte, and Leo Cullen--in the finer points of the game. Under his guidance the Thunder have advanced to six league championship matches, winning the title in 1999.

I've only lived in Minnesota for five-plus years. And I've only been a devoted Thunder observer for the last three seasons. So I can't claim to have a complete grasp on what he's meant to soccer in the Twin Cities. But in recent years I've probably interviewed Buzz a half dozen times, witnessed perhaps twice that many practices, and rarely missed a home match. From those experiences I've gleaned that he's a brilliant student of the game, a selfless teacher, and a tireless proselytizer. One anecdote comes to mind on that latter point:

On July 20th of last year I went to get a haircut at the Grandview Barber Shop in St. Paul. It was late afternoon, probably around 5 p.m. The proprietor and lone barber, Mike, is a curmudgeonly sort whose primary passion (as best I've been able to discern) is fishing. A few minutes into hastily chopping off my hair, Mike began bitching about how he had agreed to attend a soccer game that evening at the Metrodome. He explained that a longtime patron of the barbershop had been haggling him for years to attend a match. Under this persistent lobbying Mike had finally promised to attend the U.S. Open Cup contest that evening against the MLS Los Angeles Galaxy. This bothersome patron was, of course, Buzz Lagos. I've never asked Mike what he thought of the match--a fabulous 1-0 upset victory for the Thunder.

There's only one decent way to honor Buzz: by selling out The Jimmy for Wednesday night's huge U.S. Open Cup match against the MLS Colorado Rapids. The Thunder (5-8-6) have struggled mightily this year, but can go a long ways toward redeeming the season by knocking off this tough, talented Colorado squad.

Posted by Paul Demko at August 1, 2005 8:30 PM

 

Does anyone own that Fela Kuti biography that came out a couple of years back? I'd like to borrow it.

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While in college I spent a semester as an exchange student in Nigeria. For the first month I stayed with a family in Lagos. Apparently the people running the exchange program didn't think my capacity for rough living was very high because they placed me with a very wealthy family in the swank Victoria Island neighborhood. The patriarch of the clan was actually running for president of the country. Then again, at that point in 1993 there were more than 100 candidates running for president so that's not so notable. (And that election was eventually annulled.) The presidential contender was never around anyway. I believe I met him exactly once. He didn't have much to say.

The matriarch of the household was a very large, quite beautiful woman who was a fervent Christian. She would go to church for roughly eight hours every Sunday. She would also host worship sessions at the house every Wednesday night. The first time one of these occurred, my host "brother" attempted to warn me that I might want to make myself scarce. But I failed to heed his warnings.

There were maybe 10 people at the prayer session. I think we read some Bible passages. Then people started praying. Within minutes they began collapsing on the floor and speaking in tongues and screaming like they were possessed by some really wicked juju. As I stood there, vaguely terrified and intensely uncomfortable, my host brother tapped me on the shoulder and indicated that I should follow him out of the room. We drove to a bar and drank super-sized bottles of Guinness until midnight. We repeated this Wednesday night ritual for the length of my stay. It was much more fun than worship service.

There were all kinds of servants who worked at the palatial home on Victoria Island. There was one man, Amos, whose only job, as best I could determine, was to cook me breakfast. Every morning he'd make me a tasty cheddar cheese omelet. He was small and smiled a lot and didn't speak much English and looked a bit like Garrett Morris.

Another of the servants was a woman named Oguchi. When the matriarch wanted Oguchi's attention she would ring a little bell and call out "Oooooguchi, Oooooguchi." Oguchi was generally sullen and quiet. I think she may have resented being a servant.

Oguchi is actually quite a common name among Nigerians of Igbo descent. My favorite Oguchi at the present moment is Oguchi Onyewu.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 30, 2005 10:51 AM

 

I forgot to turn off the garden hose this morning before leaving the house. If anyone is in the neighborhood could you please turn it off?

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Don't miss Gaines' hotel room tribute. Heal quickly brother.

I played in a Chippy Poker tournament the other night in Plymouth. One of the prizes was a Jake's Sports Cafe t-shirt. This very drunk girl declared that if she wanted a t-shirt she could just sleep with the manager. I did not win any prizes.

The Indomitable Drinky Crows started a new season yesterday. We lost 2-1, despite outshooting the opposition by a factor of roughly five. Sometimes that happens I guess. Not surprisingly both opposition goals were scored while I was playing "defense".

The Minnesota Thunder's absurdly dense schedule continues tonight. They take on the Rochester Raging Rhinos at 7:05 p.m. at The Jimmy. Then tomorrow night they host Mexican 1st division club Dorados up in Blaine. That will make for five games in seven days. The club continues to scuffle. The Thunder (4-5-6) have played six of their last seven games at home--but have managed just five points from those contests. They currently sit 10th in the 12-team table. However, in terms of points per game (the most accurate indicator of how a team is doing), the Thunder are actually in 7th place, just behind the Atlanta Silverbacks. In other words, despite playing mediocre to poor throughout the first half of the season, the Thunder are just one team back from the playoff drop zone. Three points are vital tonight, especially considering that the squad will now hit the road for four of its next five games.

Damian Stewart is a vicious thug.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 18, 2005 2:18 PM

 

If you see me today I'll be singing the Liberian national anthem

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Holy moldy tomatoes. Holy curly tales of war pigs. Good glory god Billy joe shaver. I started to write this post last night--or was that early this morning?--but then realized that the breathalizer was flashing red alerts.

For a legitimate game report you'll have to go elsewhere, but the Minnesota Thunder triumphed 6-4 last night over Real Salt Lake. Yeah, that's right--6-4. The good guys trailed three different times. Regulation ended 4-4. Jason Kreiss netted a hat trick for RSL. But unlike in recent matches, the Thunder were dogged, relentless--indomitable. They definitely ate their okra before this one.

Johnny Menyongar played like he had flaming chili peppers shooting out of his ass. Like Brett Boone on steroids. He was a dynamo for 120 minutes, abusing the RSL defense in a manner unsuitable for children to witness. The rest of the squad (well maybe not the defense) was almost as terrific.

Boy was that one sad Salt Lake bench at the end of the game.  Those guys looked like they'd just been drafted into the Iraqi police force. I don't think they really appreciated our singing: "It's just like playing Chivas!"

Friday, friday, friday: Montreal Impact, free beer, free food, Artie Kramer kissing booth.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 14, 2005 8:16 AM

 

If I ever disappear for several days someone should check in my office. I'll likely be buried under the insane mountains of crap that have accumulated there

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Huge week underway for the (not so) mighty Minnesota Thunder (4-5-5). On Sunday night they blew a two-goal lead and had to settle for a dispiriting tie in their rematch with the Seattle Sounders. I can't remember a time when a tie felt more like a loss. The only pleasant moment was when Thunder defender Chris Brunt, responding to an elbow from Roger Levesque, shoved the dirty face-kicker over the boards and into the stands. They both got yellow cards for that confrontation.

I forgot to wear my glasses, so am a somewhat untrustworthy analyst. But it seemed to me that Thunder goalkeeper Joe Warren could have done better on the two Sounders goals, particularly the first one, headed in off a long throw in. Joe is a very big boy. He should be able to control the box like a third-world despot.

No time to wallow in the funk though. Tomorrow the Thunder will be back at it, hosting MLS debutantes Real Salt Lake in a U.S. Open Cup match. The Utahans got humiliated on Saturday night against the incredibly stinky Chivas USA, losing 5-1. Hopefully their swoon will continue at The Jimmy. Kickoff is at 7:00 p.m.

I spoke briefly on the phone today with RSL goalkeeper DJ Countess while the team was waiting to board an airplane. The transcript will be posted at Blue Sky soon. Coach John Ellinger was supposed to call as well, but I never heard from him. Probably a wise decision on his part. 

On Friday the Thunder will host the defending league champions, the Montreal Impact. These freaks are yet to lose. They are 8-0-4. The game will be on national television (FSC). We are buying a keg of Grain Belt and lots of brats and will be dispensing it free of charge in the Central High School parking lot. That's right: free beer! This is probably not legal. Everyone must show up. Attendance is mandatory. Tailgating will commence at 4 p.m.; kickoff is at 7:00.

There is more to say, but I've run out of time. Some other day perhaps.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 12, 2005 6:50 PM

 

Chippy Poker

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"Everybody should gamble--and those who don't I have no respect for." -- attorney Joe Friedberg, speaking on the O'Connell-Rosenbaum show this morning.

I once wrote a profile of a guy named Danny DiLiberto. He was one of the greatest pool players that ever lived. He'd also been a professional boxer and a semipro baseball player. Most of all, though, DiLiberto was a hustler. He was 64 at the time that I wrote the piece and claimed to have never worked a steady job in his life. (Shortly after my story came out, he was indicted on cocaine trafficking charges, but was ultimately exonerated.) He was a funny, arrogant, tough little son of a bitch. And he would gamble on anything at any time.

Luck wasn't exactly shining on DiLiberto by the time I caught up with him in Hollywood, Florida, though. He had prostrate cancer. He was legally blind from cataracts. He was largely trying to "make the nut" by betting on simulcast dog races in West Memphis, Arkansas. Each afternoon he'd go down to the Hollywood Greyhound Race Track and sit in one of those plastic chairs with a TV attached to it that you generally only see in really seedy bus stations and scream bloody murder at some drugged up dog running around a dirt oval a thousand miles away.

It was a bit depressing, but here's the rub: I'd rather spend six months straight at a dog track with Danny DiLiberto than I would five minutes with Tom Prichard or any of the other goofball jackasses who are morally opposed to gambling.

But the real point of this post is to point out that it's now legal to hold poker tournaments in Minnesota bars. Under the following restrictions: Players can't be charged tournament entry fees and the payouts can't be more than $200. 

A couple of degenerate gamblers that I know have started a company called Chippy Poker. They're running tournaments at bars across the metro area. Tonight's is at the legendary BeBop in Blaine!  

 

Posted by Paul Demko at July 12, 2005 2:38 PM

 

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

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Greg Andrulis was fired today. It's about time he was justly rewarded for his complete and utter shittiness. Congratulations Greg!

Posted by Paul Demko at July 12, 2005 9:59 AM

 

Marcel Yonan gets his kicks tasering baby rabbits

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Dismal proceedings at The Jimmy last Saturday evening. The Minnesota Thunder (4-4-4) played their best home game of the season against the Seattle Sounders--only to lose 3-1. In the first half they were flying around the field like meth-heads. Midfielders Freddy Juarez and Godfrey Tenoff, in particular, were tremendous winning and distributing balls. The Thunder went into halftime with a deserved 1-0 lead, courtesy of a Johnny Menyongar tap in.

They then proceeded to get pasted in the second half--although it wasn't entirely the team's fault. The Thunder immediately gave up an equalizer (which I missed because I was in the parking lot drinking beer). Then the Sounders' Brent Whitfield unleashed a crackerjack volley that the Thunder players could only drop their jaws at and admire: 2-1 bad dudes.

This is when things got really ugly. With the Thunder pushing forward for the equalizer--and therefore vulnerable to counterattacks--Seattle's Roger Levesque broke in on goal. Thunder goalkeeper Joe Warren was quick off his line, though, and cradled the ball at the top of the box just before Levesque could get to it. As Warren lay on the ground Levesque then appeared to kick the goalkeeper in the face, causing the ball to squirt free. This would seem to be an obvious foul--and likely a red card--but referee Marcel Yonan swallowed his whistle. The Sounders then proceeded to score on an empty net: 3-1. In the ensuing fracas, two Thunder players were booked for dissent.

It was an outrage. A travesty. The worst mscarriage of justice since Kenny Lee was suspended from the James M. Bennett High School varsity soccer team for underage drinking.

The Thunder will get their chance for revenge soon though. They battle the Rochester Raging Rhinos tonight at 6:35 CST in New York. Then on Sunday it's back to The Jimmy for a 7:05 rematch with the Sounders.

We will be sending our love to Roger Levesque:

Levesque, Levesque, we're gonna break your neck.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 8, 2005 5:36 PM

 

This is one gloriously amazing document

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from the smoking gun

Posted by Paul Demko at July 7, 2005 12:51 AM

 

Bunky the bunny hunter

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My cat just brought in another baby rabbit. I think my neighbor's raising the critters. I've got a real genocide on my hands. This bunny was very much alive, though. I harassed Bunky into dropping the poor thing. Then I proceeded to chase it around my kitchen for 20 minutes with a kitty litter scoop (should've gone for the larger dust pan), until finally tossing it out the door. Now I'm all sweaty and am gonna have Watership Down nightmares. Must drink more Carlo Rossi.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 6, 2005 11:48 PM

 

50 songs for 50 states

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I caught a decent chunk of this on The Current yesterday and enjoyed the piss out of it. It was much much more than 50 songs. They should've skipped Delaware. You can listen to the whole damn beautiful thing here. Some songs I would have included:

1. "I've Been to Georgia on a Fast Train"-- Billy Joe Shaver

Admittedly Georgia is probably the toughest state in the union to pair down because there are so many damn good songs--why is that?--but this is one of my all time favorite redneck anthems.

2. "Girl From Immokalee" -- Raiford Starke                            

Yeah, nobody's ever heard of this dude. I don't think he ever plays outside Florida. The one album of his that I own isn't all that good, but this track--about a dude who loves a girl from Immokalee--kicks serious ass.

3. "Paradise" -- John Prine

Hands down the best song ever written about coal mining. (Take that Loretta Lynn"!) Kentucky's another state with a disproportionately large number of great songs. In fact the south as a whole is much more likely to inspire the musical muse of its inhabitants. This weekend at a bbq some folks were talking about how we might be better off if the South had triumphed in the Civil War. Now I realize that this kind of speculation is probably offensive for all sorts of reasons--and these people were obviously joking--but secession would definitely leave us a musically weaker country. It's something that should be considered if this secession talk gets serious.

4. "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" -- Steve Goodman

It'd have to be a live version. The song just doesn't work nearly as good in the studio. You need the audience response to fully appreciate Goodman's comic genius.

5. "Streets of Baltimore" -- Gram Parsons

Maryland really got the shaft in The Current's list. What's up with that? Maryland, being my home state, is way, way, way cooler than Delaware--despite the geographic proximity. And "Streets of Baltimore" is a way cooler Gram Parsons song than "Colorado," which actually made the cut. I also love "There's A Girl in the Heart of Maryland," but I'd probably  have to go with the Goodman version and I don't want to have two selection from him (even though he's the man.)

6. "Baltimore" -- Five Chinese Brothers

Yeah, that's right, TWO songs about Baltimore. It's such a way cool town. And this song is like the story of my life. I still listen to the freaking Orioles games on the radio every few weeks. Except now I listen on-line and don't have to try and pick up the signal from St. Paul.

This could go on and on and on and on. I don't know how they ever paired that list down to a reasonable length.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 5, 2005 6:10 PM

 

Golly Frogtown is a patriotic neighborhood

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My cat's going to be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder for years to come. Last night there was a fireworks display on Van Buren Avenue that surely rivaled anything seen at the Taste of Minnesota. I finally gave up bitching about it. Sat out on the porch, drank wine and watched the mayhem unfold.  

Speaking of Bunky, anyone got tips on disposing of dead bunnies? This morning I discovered a dead baby rabbit on the floor by my computer. I can only assume that the cat dragged it in last night and I somehow didn't notice. I'm just glad he didn't bring it into my bed.

He used to do that in Florida. Bring me lizards--still alive--and just drop them on the sheets. Then he'd catch the things again and again, slowly torturing them to death. I notified him several times that such behavior ran afoul of the Geneva Conventions, but he didn't seem concerned.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 5, 2005 5:14 PM

 

Genius

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I love the "Sainted & Tainted" column:

Tainted: To the two den leaders of Pack 126, who were responsible for beating two baby raccoons, and their scoutmaster who encouraged them.

On June 18, while attending a scout camp with my six-year-old son, we witnessed a scene I never thought I'd see. As we were sitting around the campfire passing snacks, two baby raccoons came within 20 yards of our fire, posing no threat to us. Two den leaders ran off with a stick and a flashlight. One started to beat a baby as it tried to crawl away; the stick broke.

Back at the campfire, the scoutmaster laughed and suggested they get a bigger stick for the next one. Doing so, they ran to the other baby, making sure it wouldn't get away. They beat it violently, not concerned at all for the children present. In the morning, when I brought the camp director down to report this, we found the second raccoon had suffered through the night and lay only five feet away, still alive but not moving.

After reporting this unspeakable act to the Indianhead Council, they informed me of the action they were taking: A letter was sent to the den leaders stating that any similar acts in the future could lead to dismissal.

G.A. THOLE

St. Croix Beach

Posted by Paul Demko at July 2, 2005 12:12 PM

 

Does anyone have a spoon? Those bastards at New Asia Express failed to give me one for my wonton soup

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Last night I was writing an a list for next week's Alejandro Escovedo show and listened to More Miles Than Money three times consecutively. That is the one album that I could envision myself stabbing somebody over. Lordy, I'm excited about that show.

MSG is good for you.

Thanks to whomever left the Tommy Hilfiger perfume on my desk. I'm gonna see if I can trade it for some crack.

Posted by Paul Demko at July 1, 2005 1:31 PM

 

Benny Benny Benny

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When I spoke with Sigi Schmid, coach of the U-20 U.S. men's national team, last month he kept repeating the name Benny Fielhaber. In fact, he mentioned the UCLA walk-on five different times in a ten-minute conversation.

At the time I thought maybe Sigi just liked the way the name Benny Fielhaber rolled off his tongue. But after the Brazilian-born kid's showing at the world championships a lot of footy executives are high on Benny. Hamburg thought they had him signed, but apparently not. Dutch giants PSV and Ajax are rumored to be interested.

Now what about that other UCLA kid, Marvell Wynne. Someone must want to sign that dude. He's tremendous.

(Minnesota Thunder take on the Seattle Sounders at The Jimmy on Saturday at 7:05 p.m.)

Posted by Paul Demko at July 1, 2005 11:15 AM

 

U.S. Open Cup

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The Minnesota Thunder play their first match of the U.S. Open Cup this evening at 7:05 p.m. at The Jimmy. Last year the Thunder advanced to the quarterfinals of the century-old tournament, the team's best showing ever. They were finally eliminated on penalty kicks after outplaying the San Jose Earthquakes, but failing to break a 2-2 tie.

The Thunder (4-3-4) have been in something of a funk lately. They played a stink bomb of a game on Friday against the Toronto Lynx, losing 2-1 to a team that had not won all season. The Thunder's defense continues to be porous and their overall passion lacking. In the first half of the Lynx game the squad collectively (and midfielder Jeff Matteo in particular) looked like they'd eaten a sack of White Castle double cheeseburgers prior to kick off.

They face a tough opponent in the Chicago Fire Premier this evening. Although the MLS-farm squad plays a division below the Thunder, they are currently unbeaten, outscoring opponents 24-6 through nine games. Several players, including Chris Rolfe, have advanced from this team to eventually play for the senior Chicago Fire team.

Looks likely to be played in a downpour.

(And oh yeah: the Indomitable Drinky Crows' playoff run ended tragically on Sunday. After going a man down in the opening 10 minutes--owing to some very strange officiating--we battled to a 1-1 draw, only to lose 5-4 on penalty kicks. Our supporters are in mourning. Several death threats have been issued to the referee. He's rumored to be leaving the profession. We are trying to quell the situation.)

Posted by Paul Demko at June 29, 2005 9:57 AM

 

For the record

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Kerri Miller is the most annoying person in the history of radio.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 24, 2005 10:28 AM

 

Footy

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I've been storing up all of my hare-brained thoughts on soccer for some while, unable to find the time to post. So be warned:

1. Ridiculously entertaining Minnesota Thunder game at The Jimmy on Saturday night. The good guys triumphed 4-3 over the Puerto Rico Islanders. The Thunder, with a record of 4-2-4, have proven quite enigmatic so far this season. Against Puerto Rico they played a lackluster first half, falling behind 2-1 and getting physically beaten up by the mammoth Islander defenders. Then in the second half the Thunder dominated possession, exploiting their superior speed and skill to score three unanswered goals in 30 minutes.

The biggest question mark about this team is defense. They've yielded more than four times as many goals as they had at this point last season. Brett Branan, the team's 22-year-old rookie central defender has been promising, but inconsistent (he headed in an own goal against Puerto Rico). The left side of the defense, alternately manned by Mike Wilson or C.J. Pezneker, has also proven problematic. Conversely the offense has sparkled. At this point in the 2004 season the Thunder had outscored opponents by a margin of 11-3. So far this year they've compiled an 18-14 scoring advantage.

The best song sung at The Jimmy so far this year (to the tune of the Addam's Family theme song):

Your uncle is your brother

Your sister is your mother

You're sleeping with each other

The Charleston Battery

Second best song sung at The Jimmy so far this year (to the tune of Frere Jacque):

Portland Timbers, Portland Timbers

What's that smell? What's that smell?

Dirty stinkin' hippies, dirty stinky hippies

In your town, in your town

The next game is Friday at 7:05 p.m. at The Jimmy. As usual you can get all Thunder information at Blue Sky Soccer. I should have some player interviews posted there on Friday.

2. D.C. United turned in perhaps the most scintillating half of soccer by any MLS squad this season on Saturday against the previously unbeaten Revolution. The score should've been 4-0 at the break, but Jaime Moreno inexplicably botched two sitters. I'd love to see Peter Nowak go for broke the rest of the season and play three forwards up front.

John Wilson was a fabulous pick-up at left back for United. He's been an absolute beast in the last two games. 

David Stokes must posses pictures of Peter Nowak buggering Freddy Adu. There's no other explanation for how that man continues to show up on the pitch. Stokes should've been charged with assault during the last five minutes of that Revolution match. He couldn't even make the first XI for the Indomitable Drinky Crows. He should be put down like a rabid dog.

3. The Metrostars are my sleeper pick to win the MLS Cup. Their midfield is arguably the best in the league (if Yuri Djorkaeff can stay healthy). The arrival of Ante Razov finally gives them some balls up front. But what the fuck is up with new GM Alexi Lalas whining about MLS' single-entity ownership structure? The league has done everything possible this side of rigging games to make the New York squad successful. Unfortunately the team's moronic management continually wastes money on old, ineffective players and can't get a decent stadium built. That's certainly not the league's fault. 

4. I was under the impression that goal scoring is up markedly this year in MLS. But I was wrong. I just did the math. Last year there were 2.6 goals scored per game. This year: 2.7 goals per game. Maybe I'm just more excitable this year.

5. The Indomitable Drinky Crows, defying all expectations, finished the regular season unbeaten. We compiled a record of 3-0-4, good enough for fifth in the table. Last Sunday, despite playing without five of our most decent players, we inexplicably beat one of the top teams in the league by a 3-1 score. I've never been so proud to be a Drinky Crow. Playoffs start Sunday.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 21, 2005 5:29 PM

 

Who would've guessed that that jackass down in Mississippi accused of the 1964 Klan killings was following the Jacko trial?

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But he seems to be employing the same legal strategy.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 17, 2005 10:55 AM

 

Footy

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1. George Best is one pathetic dude.

2. Sex garages for the World Cup.

3. The Minnesota Thunder somehow scraped out two victories and a tie last weekend from a hellacious three-game, 96-hour southern roadtrip. The team tied Puerto Rico, before drubbing Charleston and Atlanta by a combined score of 6-1.

The Thunder are now 3-1-4, putting them mid-table in the First Division. This is better than decent when you consider that they have only played two home matches so far. Now the team will enjoy a lengthy run at The Jimmy, playing seven of their next eight matches in St. Paul. 

The homestand starts Saturday night when Charleston come to town for a rematch. Folks will be kicking off the pre-game festivities early, starting at the Nomad World Pub. That fine watering hole will be showing the 3 p.m. Columbus-Colorado MLS match (which given the overwhelming stinkiness of those two clubs promises to be one of the dullest displays of soccer ever broadcast, unfortunately). Tailgating at the Jimmy will get underway around 5 p.m. Kickoff is 7:05 p.m. More details here.

I had hoped to get out to practice and conduct some interviews with Thunder players this week, but the front office failed to respond to my inquiry seeking the time and location of these kickabouts. No respect for LNW!

4. The Indomitable Drinky Crows garnered their first victory of the season last Sunday, 2-0. We are now 1-0-4, putting us eighth (out of 18 teams) in the table. We are the Inter Milan of Minnesota co-ed rec league soccer.

(My undoubtedly misguided musings about horseracing can be found over at Balls!--a sadly soccer-free zone owing to the bigoted views of certain CP staffers.)

Posted by Paul Demko at June 9, 2005 6:14 PM

 

Career advice

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I'm not exactly sure how you apply, but the cushiest job on the planet has got to be working security at the federal courthouse in downtown Minneapolis. I've been spending a lot of time in that building over the last few months and I'm yet to see any one of these geriatric dudes engage in any activity that could possibly be classified as work.

There's generally at least a half dozen of them standing around the metal detector in their wanna-be secret service blazers trying to look tough and important. (I'm guessing this severe overstaffing is some kind of reaction to both Oklahoma City and 9/11.) The arrival of a person passing through the metal detector--which seems to occur about every ten minutes--causes no discernable change in behavior among these gentleman. They do not respond to greetings or in any way acknowledge your presence. They simply stand there jawing with each other about the weather and their gall bladders.

If anyone knows how to land one of these positions please let me know.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 8, 2005 2:16 PM

 

Guess Who

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For the last week or so there's been a baseball cap emblazoned with the words Guess Who on the front floating around the CP offices. According to the discussion generated by this clothing item in today's editorial pow wow, this is the name of a current film starring Ashton Kutcher.

But naturally it brought to mind the rock band, primarily famous for singing "American Woman" and for being exploited by Norm Coleman.

When I was living down in South Florida, me and my pal Jay somehow got word that the Guess Who were going to be performing a concert out in the middle of the Everglades. More specifically, the Canadian legends were to be headlining the festivities for Chief Jim Billie's wedding at the Big Cypress Seminole Indian Reservation. So naturally we hopped in the car and drove the 60 miles out Alligator Alley to see if we could crash this affair.

For reasons that elude me, the wedding wasn't difficult to locate. We parked the car in the grass and headed for a huge tent that had been set up to host the party. Sure enough, there was a massive mountain of musical gear clearly identified as belonging to the Guess Who.

Unfortunately the party appeared to be something of a bummer. There were maybe 100 folks sitting around eating cake and drinking punch. A bunch of fat kids were running around and screaming. The Chief didn't seem to be on hand. Neither did the Guess Who (although I'm not sure I would have recognized them). There was no booze discernible. 

We decided to give up on the Guess Who and go get drunk in Weston. This seemed like a fantastically funny idea at the time because Weston is a super-rich suburb populated by members of the Miami Dolphins football squad and boiler room entrepreneurs. But we couldn't find any bars in Weston. So we ended up at the old reliable, Kim's Alley Bar.

Posted by Paul Demko at June 6, 2005 2:25 PM

 

Did they have to give away the ending?

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This sounds like the greatest film ever:

Posted by Paul Demko at May 26, 2005 6:58 AM

 

"Soon to be Glue" Halts Publication

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The official LNW! horseracing tip sheet, "Soon to be Glue," will cease publishing immediately. Subscribers will receive a full refund within 30 days.

For more than a year this humble handicapping guide has wrongly predicted every race but one. I chalked up last year's lone successful wager--a $2 win bet that netted $7.80--as a freak anomaly never to be duplicated. But I can't ignore what happened two weeks ago at Canterbury Park during the sixth race.

It was the final race before a long break for the Kentucky Derby. It was also the last race of the day that I planned to wager on. I had a $7 voucher in my pocket. Initially I put down a $2 exacta bet on the six and the three. Then at the last minute, based on some comment my pal Taco made, I threw my last $5 down on Sahab, a 10-1 longshot, to win.

It was a photo finish, but Sahab somehow just nipped Jo Jo Gun. My bet paid $48.50--enough to cover three beers, a sandwich, and all of my other losing bets that day. In other words, this win amounted to the greatest day at the track of my life.

So the yoke is off. The curse is gone. I'm a handicapping savant.

Here's what I'm betting on the Preakness tomorrow (based entirely on Andy Beyer's persuasive analysis):

$3 exacta: Greeley's Galaxy, Closing Argument

$2 trifecta: Greeley's Galaxy, Closing Argument, Afleet Alex

(By the way: How can anyone bet on a horse named after Sting's son? I hope that horse breaks both his legs tomorrow.)

Posted by Paul Demko at May 20, 2005 3:41 PM

 

Adu! Adu! Adu!

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The under-20 U.S. Men's National Team returns to Blaine this evening at 7:30 p.m. to take on Canada. Both teams are prepping for next month's World Youth Chamionship in the Netherlands. The U.S. squad faces a brutal path through the first round, grouped with Germany, Argentina and Egypt.

Not surprisingly the local media spotlight is all over Freddy Adu, but this team is stacked with talented players. Besides Adu, Eddie Gaven and Tim Ward have already proven themselves with the Metrostars. Hunter Freeman, Chad Barrett, and Danny Szetela are also regulars for their MLS squads. Then there are the guys that are still in high school or college that most people aren't even aware of. Marvell Wynne, a defender currently playing for UCLA, and Lee Nguyen, a high school midfielder from Texas, look to be two players whose profiles will soon rise.

I went out to Blaine yesterday for practice and spoke with head coach Sigi Schmid and assistant John Harkes. You can read the Q & A's over at Blue Sky Soccer.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 18, 2005 10:12 AM

 

Who says the two are mutually exclusive?

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Outstanding correction in the Arts & Leisure section of yesterday's New York Times:

Because of a transcription error, an article last Sunday in Summer Movies, Part 2 of this section, about the director Don Roos rendered a word incorrectly in his comment about the use of onscreen titles in his film "Happy Endings." He said, "I love foreign films, which have a lot of signage in them" - not "porno films." (Go to Article)

Posted by Paul Demko at May 16, 2005 9:18 AM

 

150,000 Served, No Lawsuits

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At some point today LNW! had its 150,000 visitor. Unfortunately it's impossible to nail down this special browser's exact identity. Perhaps it was the poor young lady searching for information on jello discharge vagina. Or possibly the horny poker enthusiast trolling for Annie Duke nude. But it was more than likely one of the forty lost souls who wandered here in the last 24 hours by simply typing the word nude into the MSN search engine.

I wish I could offer the lucky visitor some kind of prize, like a chili cheese dog or a Hasil Adkins album or an autographed copy of that picture at the top of the page. Sorry.

Welcome all! Better luck with your next search!

Posted by Paul Demko at May 12, 2005 6:19 PM

 

Hasil Adkins R.I.P.

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Am I the only who didn't hear that Hasil Adkins died? My friend David just sent me the news. He's been dead for some two weeks actually. Apparently from natural causes. He was 67 or 68, depending on which source you believe.

For those unfamiliar, Adkins was a world class bizarro rockabilly hero. He supposedly listened to Hank Williams on the radio as a kid in West Virginia and just assumed that the guy played all the instruments himself. So that's what Adkins did. He played the guitar and the drums and sang simultaneously. Sometimes he blew on the harp as well. He supposedly wrote somewhere between 5,000 and 7,000 songs during his lifetime, recording most of them on an old reel-to-reel machine. His specialties were beheading tales and songs about poultry. There's a short movie called The Wild World of Hasil Adkins that I've always wanted to see.

I can't really count myself as an ardent fan, more a respectful admirer. I own one Adkins album--the aptly titled Look at that Caveman Go!--and it's all but unlistenable. It's a live recording taken from shows in Maryland and West Virginia. Adkins variously screams, cackles, sings, and even does his own variation on the human beat box, all the while flailing away on the drums and guitar. I'd recommend smoking marijuana before attempting any appreciation of this stuff.

There are many strange Adkins tales--probably half of which are apocryphal. He supposedly drank two gallons of coffee a day and was known to consume several liters of vodka at a time. During one show he pulled out a gun mid-set and shot out the ceiling fan because it was bothering him. 

There were respectable write-ups in The Guardian and The New York Times, and The Charleston Daily Mail has a nice appreciation, but not much other notice. My favorite anecdote comes from The Guardian obit:

One recipient in 1970 of Adkins's music had been Richard Nixon, who received a tape courtesy of Virginia Senator Robert C Byrd. "I am very pleased by your thoughtfulness in bringing these particular selections to my attention," wrote the then president.

David says that Adkins sent a copy of every recording to the current occupant of the White House. About the only one you can possibly imagine listening to this depraved stuff is Bill Clinton (of course).

David and I plan to purchase Adkins' trailer in West Virginia and open up a museum.

 

"Like the Bible and toilet paper, the music of Hasil Adkins belongs in every household." -- Nick Tosches

Posted by Paul Demko at May 10, 2005 3:41 PM

 

Forget John Bolton

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LNW! endorses Shaq to be the new U.N. ambassador. This was his response upon hearing that Steve Nash had won the league's MVP award: "Congratulations to the Canadian people."

Posted by Paul Demko at May 9, 2005 5:45 PM

 

Thunder Home Opener!

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The Minnesota Thunder's home opener is tomorrow evening at the Metrodome. Last Friday the team battled Portland to a 2-2 tie on the road. The home squad took a 2-1 lead in the first half. When Melvin Tarley was kicked out of the game for some kind of subversive act it looked like Minnesota would start the season with a loss. But Johnny Menyongar netted a spectacular goal in the 79th minute to earn the short-handed Thunder a point on the road. (You can see the goal here.)

Tomorrow night's game is a rematch against Portland. Tarley will be unavailable owing to last week's ejection. Also missing will be the team's new central defender Alejandro Diaz, who is injured. Aaron Paye and Brett Branan will fill their respective spots.

Thunder fans will be gathering at 3 p.m. at the Nomad World Pub to watch the Metrostars-Earthquakes game. Tailgating at the Dome will kick off around 5 p.m. Kickoff is at 7 p.m. 

Yesterday we had a little pick-up soccer game in Logan Park. I invited Sparks to play. This was his response.

Jesus Christ you filthy little Balkan pervert...not only are you going to try to get people to VOLUNTARILY play soccer, you're going to do it in MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I have a half a mind to show up with a shotgun full of rock salt shells and teach you the meaning of the word "AMURICAN."

The Indomitable Drinky Crows opened the season with a frustrating 0-0 tie. Despite dominating large chunks of the game and outshooting the opposition five-fold, we couldn't find the net. We are mid-table. This week's opponent: Tossed Fusion.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 6, 2005 4:11 PM

 

Footy season is here!

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The Minnesota Thunder open their season tonight in Portland at 9 p.m. CST. The team returns 11 key players from last season, when they went 13-9-6 and were knocked out in the first round of the playoffs. The Thunder did suffer one huge loss: central defender Dustin Brannan. An indomitable force in back throughout last season, Brannan's now suiting up for the Kansas City Wizards. Alejandro Diaz, a 6' 5", 31-year-old native of Uruguay will try and fill Brannan's role this year. Much of the team's fate will hinge on whether Diaz is up to the task. A live radio broadcast of tonight's match can be found here. The Thunder's home opener is next Saturday at the Metrodome. Lord knows why it's not at The Jimmy. As usual, all Thunder news can be tracked at Blue Sky Soccer.

The Indomitable Drinky Crows, currently tied for first place in the Cities Sports Connection Inter B co-ed rec league, also return to the pitch this weekend. We take on the Lot Lizards on Sunday morning at the unseemly hour of 9:15 a.m.

Posted by Paul Demko at April 29, 2005 3:15 PM

 

Grandma's Raccoon

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The Oxford American's southern food issue (which is on newsstands now) is, of course, filled with all kinds of fantastic stuff. I've been hopscotching through it the last couple days, but so far my favorite piece is Yusef Komunyakaa's sweet essay about cooking raccoon. Here's a snippet:

Posted by Paul Demko at April 27, 2005 12:50 PM

 

If you like this poem you should really really really read Simic's "A Fly in the Soup"

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Mark's been posting all kinds of great poems in honor of national poetry month or somesuch nonsense. I'm pretty much a philistine when it comes to poetry, but since it's nearly the end of the month (and since this blog has been pathetically silent of late), here's some verse from the great Charles Simic that I like.

Posted by Paul Demko at April 27, 2005 12:34 PM

 

Friday Footy Notes

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I went to Chicago last weekend with a trio of fellow soccer retards to mark the ignominious dismissal of Peter Wilt as the Fire's GM. Despite a few lame moments--like having our flag confiscated by sub-Neanderthal security guards and the refusal of my car's stereo to play any CDs other than Marah and Ween--it was an excellent time. The Fire won, 2-1, on a stoppage time goal by the diminutive Brazilian newcomer Thiago (who, by the way, is going to be one hell of a difficult player for defenders to contain). Here's a good overview of the Wilt situation. Here's a swell letter from a pissed off Fire fan. Here are some pictures from Saturday's game.

Speaking of Brazilians, there's an excellent profile of photographer Sebastiao Salgado in the 4/18 issue of the New Yorker. It's not available on-line, but worth tracking down. I was amused by this aside.

A signed Cartier-Bresson print--a tree-lined country road--is one of the few photographs on the walls of their Paris apartment; another is a picture of the soccer legends Franz Beckenbauer and Pele talking to one another, naked, in a postgame communal showe