July 2006

Never dis a Pizzaman's skills

Last night a Pizzalover called BS Pizza to inquire about an order
she had made."I ordered it an hour ago and it's not here yet" she said.
"OK" I said "What's your address?".
She told me her address and I found it on the computer.
According to the computer, she had ordered 25 minutes prior, not
an hour, and the order had just gone out the door. I decided not to
call her on her weak time-keeping skills and with a smile on my face
(they supposedly can hear it), I told the Pizzalover that her order had
just left and it would be there in a few minutes.

Then she said something which I took great offense to:
"No. The driver must be lost".

I felt my face get hot, my teeth clenched and my whole body tightened.
I was pissed.

Doubting the Pizzaman's skills is a surefire way to piss him or her off.
I mean, the job is kind of shitty, the money isn't all that great, you're
put in danger every day and you're often humiliated by the customers.
But we're damn proud of the skills we possess, like being able to find
almost any address and how to navigate the streets day in and day out
without killing jack-off motorists and dickhead cyclists.
And we do it all with a motherfuckin' smile on our faces.
So to have some whiny shitbag on the phone tell me that one of our
veteran drivers (over 15000 deliveries made) is lost?
Fuck man, that's really insulting.

So when the Pizzalover told me "The driver must be lost", I had half a
mind to say "Look Lady, we don't get lost. This is what we do every day.
I'm a fucking professional. I know every inch of every street in the 10
square miles of my delivery area. This is how I put food on the table.
I sure as shit don't slap the dick out of your mouth when you're
working, do I? I don't tell you to work the shaft or grab the balls... Fuck you".

But I didn't.
And therefore I'm still employed.

Posted by The Pizza Man at July 27, 2006 12:48 PM

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