Like Sand Through The Hourglass, So Are The Days Of Our Lives

One of the weirder aspects of delivering pizza is that you get these brief glimpses into people's lives and you sort of get to know them or, at least, follow their lives. You can learn a lot from these glimpses, the kind of music Pizzalovers like, their favorite TV shows, Hell, even their personal lives are on display for me, The Pizzaman, to see.
Sometimes, it's like watching a soap opera play out while I stand on their doorstep with a pizza in my hand.

For example, I've watched one of my long time female regulars go from being married and childless, to being married with a kid, to being divorced with kid, to shacking up with another guy.
I started delivering to this woman in '99. She was married and seemed pretty happy, always had a smile on her face and a wisecrack for me when I arrived at her apartment. After a year or so, I noticed she was gaining weight and seemed tired and cranky. She told me she was pregnant. She started ordering more often, her belly got bigger, she started tipping less, she was irritable.
Then, one day I appeared at her apartment to find her holding an infant in her arms. She looked haggard, like she'd been up for days. This woman had been quite a looker, but now looked like she'd spent the last few weeks being dragged behind a semi truck bearing the "Pampers" logo. As the months went on, she ordered less than when she was pregnant, tipped poorly, but seemed happy, even though she was unable to lose the weight she'd gained over the course of her pregnancy.
Over the course of the next few years I watched that kid get bigger and bigger. Soon he was walking and talking. It was kind neat watching this kid grow up.
However, the woman seemed unhappy and one day she told me this would be the last time I would deliver to her at that address. I asked if she was moving and she replied "Yeah, I'm moving. Moving away from the jerk that I married". I was taken aback at this revelation, mostly because I couldn't believe she would tell me, her Pizzaman, such an intimate fact. After that, the orders quit coming from her address.
But, 6 months later, she started ordering again from her new apartment and for the next year or so, I got to watch that kid grow up some more. Eventually, she moved out of that apartment and into a house. She had met another guy and all three of them moved into the house and seemed happy for a year or so. By this time the kid was riding a bike and we could have a pretty good conversation. One time the kid came to the door, handed me the money and informed me that "Mommy and ("John") were fighting". I asked him if he was OK and he replied he was. Then he added "I just wish they wouldn't fight".
I left feeling bad for the kid and that was the last time I saw him.
The orders stopped and I noticed a few weeks later that the house was for sale.
I kind of miss that kid.

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Recently, I've been delivering to a certain regular more often than usual. Now, I've been delivering to this dude and his wife for years and it's kind of a shitty delivery due to their poor tipping habits and their inability to get to the door in a timely manner. Every time I go to their house I have to wait for what seems like an eternity. I just stand their at their front door and stare at their names on the homemade paper sign they have below their doorbell.
It reads:
"Home of
("John")
and
("Jane")"
However, the worst part of the deal is that they would constantly be fighting. When I first started being their Pizzaman, I would hear the unhappy couple yelling at each other through the door, but as soon as the door opened, they would be all smiles, make the transaction, close the door and immediately go back to screaming at each other. As time went on, they couldn't even keep up the charade for the Pizzaman. They would fight openly in front of me. He would be in the midst of paying me and she would come down the stairs and just start bustin' his balls. Then he would respond in kind, totally yelling at her.
I remember one time she called him a "fucking asshole" and he called her a "fucking cunt" (Hey, way to drop the C-Bomb, dude. Classy, real classy)
Meanwhile I'm standing there like a dipshit, a pizza in my hand, watching this trainwreck.
Talk about uncomfortable.
The odd thing is, I've never taken sides. They're both equally terrible people from what behavior they've demonstrated.
I mean, it's bad enough that they tip poorly and waste a lot of my time, but the prospect of watching this showcase of domestic unhappiness makes me dread this delivery even more.
In the last couple months, I've been delivering to this address more often and I haven't seen the woman in weeks. The guy looks a little more frazzled than he usually does and he barely speaks when I arrive on his doorstep.
The other night I drove over to his house with an order. I walked up to his house and was about to ring the doorbell, when I noticed that the note had been ripped in half.
Now it just says "Home of John and".
When he finally answered the door, I noticed didn't have any furniture in his living room.
He handed over the money and I said "Thanks. Have good night".
He responded by saying "Never get married".

As a 35 year old with a dying car and a sagging career as a Pizzaman, I don't think I'll have to worry about getting married anytime soon.