Dear Mayor Rybak,

Please turn up the thermostat.

sincerely,

The Pizzaman

According to a Crime Alert issued by the MPLS Police, eight pizza delivery drivers have been robbed since December 12th in the Third Precinct. This was disconcerting enough for Strib reporter David Chanen to do a story in today's paper.
I'd like to thank Mr Chanen for this story. Hopefully this will lead to the capture and prosecution of these thugs.

Meanwhile, I was out on the Streets tonight. It was uneventful (thank God) and fairly busy. Unfortunately, the Pizzalovers of MPLS were extremely cheap and I walked away with very little cash.
People don't seem to understand that when I drive to their homes to deliver a pie, I'm literally risking my life. According to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, pizza delivery ranks in the top 10 most dangerous jobs (No shit).
Now, I haven't had that much trouble over the years (knocks wood, knocks wood again, crosses fingers, rubs rabbits foot), just a few frightening crackheads, several groups of shifty teenagers threatening me, my car stolen, a Travis Bickle-like character charging through a Swankwood lawn threatening to kill me, numerous road-ragers trying to run me off the road, and countless near misses in intersections.
So far I've been lucky (crosses fingers and toes, molests horseshoe, crosses self even though decidedly not Catholic) and here's to hoping that luck continues.

That said, this whole thing makes me wonder if this shit is worth it. I mean, besides bad tips, pissed customers and car repair bills, I've got to worry that some punk with with an itchy trigger finger is willing to blow my brains out for the 17 bucks in my pocket.
Fuck me.

It's times like this where I think it might be time to get out of the game.
This shit ain't gettin' any easier and I ain't gettin' any younger.
I don't know...

I just hope I don't get gunned down after 1 a.m..
I'd hate to have the last voice I hear before I shuffle off this mortal coil be Al Malmberg's.