An exclusive interview with the most sardonic motherfuckers in rock&roll...

Last time I saw the Spectors, I was wearing a pink dress (long story) and thinking that the band might be the closest thing to the Clash that I'd ever see. (Seriously.) I'd written off that 1993 memory to drink until I saw the band practice last night in the Conquerors' basement studio, and began wondering where that dress ever went missing to...

The news is that the Spectors have reunited to play an early-evening concert at First Avenue on Friday, May 16, promoting the release of their new retrospective Beat Is Murder (Get Hip). (The show also features an appearance by members of the Monks, the great obscuro '60s rockers whom the Spectors helped revive.) Before practice, I asked guitarist Dan Boardman, bassist Keith Patterson (Funseekers, Conquerors), drummer Adam Fesenmaier (Conquerors), and guitarist Devin Waterman about what it all means--and what they think about the murder investigation of their namesake:

Q: So... Phil Spector: guilty or innocent?

Dan Boardman: Guilty as hell. He's been guilty for years--he just got caught. He's killed a number of folks. [bursts out laughing] I'm totally...

Keith Patterson: No, haven't you heard? He just got exonerated. According to him.

Q: Has Spector ever heard your music?

Patterson: Not that I know of. There's another Spectors, though--a '50s cover band. There's a newer one from San Francisco, too.

Q: "Beat is Murder": What does that mean?

Patterson: It's a tough job but someone's gotta do it.

Boardman: Those were exactly the words that Phil Spector said as he was putting the slug in that 20-year-old... [laughter]

Q: Who was the first mod band in Minneapolis after the '60s?

Patterson: The Suits. That was before the Funseekers, in '79 or '80. But [turns to Boardman], do you want me to say the Dig? Because 504, my high school mod band, was around before the Dig, in '81.

Boardman: What about the Battson brothers [Hypstrz/Mighty Mofos]? Or were they garage?

Patterson: Well, at the time, 504 sort of melted into the Dig. And then the Funseekers sort of came out of that. The whole genesis of the Funseekers, originally, was that we all sort of met through Hypstrz shows in '82. And we came across Ed Ackerson's people in the Upper Deck in '83. That's where we all met and it sort of came together. '84-'86, that whole thing coagulated and it sort of petered out by '89.

Boardman: Long story short, there was nobody before Patterson.

Patterson: Actually Johnny Ray, the drummer in the Hypstrz, and I found each other through want ads looking for mods to be in a band. I was already a complete '60s fanatic from '76 on. I sort of rediscovered my sister's early '60s records, the Beatles and the Stones. I remember seeing the Jam's record in '77 and thinking that was cool. "I don't know about this punk rock thing, but this looks cool; it looks like the '60s."

Boardman: At the same time, [motioning to Patterson] he knows more about heavy metal than any of us. Seriously, all those metal guys came from mod bands.

Patterson: Status Quo were the Spectres in the '60s. Bon Scott had a band called the Spektors in the '60s, too, a mod band, but with a K.

Q: Are the Sonics the greatest band of all time?

Patterson: Fuck, no.

Q: Then who is?

Adam Fesenmaier: My guilty pleasures are Deep Purple, number one, and Led Zeppelin, all the obvious hard rock stuff.

Boardman: Led Zeppelin?!

Fesenmaier: But then what's great is all the stuff that influenced that stuff.

Patterson: The bands that those bands came out of were all invariably great.

Boardman: Look at that bass [points to Patterson's futuristic bass, which has a couple of shiney things that let his hand rest above the strings]. Let's talk about that bass. That's totally amazing.

Patterson: I just hope the cord works. [Patterson's usual cord was "stolen" by the band sharing the room next door.]

Boardman: Best band in the world every? The Hang Ups.

Patterson: What about me?

Baordman: That should have been our answer from the beginning.

Patterson: The Pussycats from Norway. That's my answer. No wait, the Monks.

Devin Waterman: That should be our answer.

Waterman, Patterson, Boardman, Fesenmaier: The Monks.

For more about the concert, here are the details, plus more typically hilarious quotes: Spector Keith Patterson, once called "The Thin White Puke" by Tom Surowicz, is bothered by all these Johnny-come-latelys. "I mean, I�ve been faithfully ripping off obscure 60s bands since I was 12 years old."

To find out more about mod culture in general, check out: Modculture.com; a 1993 article about the Spectors by my friend Simon Peter Groebner; a Minnesota scooter discussion page (at the Minnescoota site); Minneapolis Vespa dealerships; the Bomp discussion list; the web page for Radio Rumpus Room; and the official web site for the Monks.

That's the Spectors. Not to be confused with the Bent Scepters.